Tuesday, April 21, 2009

melancholy hues

will you meet me by the shoreline
blue upon blues
and we’ll share our heartheld secrets
dipped in melancholy hues?

will you meet me by the water
skin touching skin
and we’ll share our intimate stories
held deeply within?

will you meet me in the morning
when promise holds such light
and we’ll let the tears glisten to the surface
until our sadness turns to delight?

I would like to be standing on the shoreline looking out at the blue with you, soaking in the medicinal pleasures of tidal breezes on a blustery summer's day. I envisioned this escape scene clearly this afternoon while reflecting on the news I received earlier in the day.
I even closed my eyes and let my imagination paint the shoreline picture so I could feel it like I was really there watching you walk down the beach to meet me instead of trying to wrap my head around the reality of what was really happening in my office. Not only did it help centre me and allow for a moment of meditative calm (as it always does when I do manage to get to the shoreline), it lifted me to a place where reflections and perspective creeped onto my numbness....temporarily. It was only short term because I did have to face the music.
The bad news? After waiting and expecting for months for the axe to fall, it finally did. My position was cut along with every other similiar position across the province. 22 of us.....all Career Consultants who support the Case Managers in the frontlines. A victim of the times in a disposable world of work.

The good news? We are being moved to another department to work on a project. Given the economic climate we all live in, I should feel more gratitude that I still have a job to go to. But, I am not there yet.....partly because I know that some things I do now will never be picked up by another person, and those things hold the meaning for me. Plus, there is no choice here....having no choice sucks.

Many details are unknown, but I'm fairly certain that the ones who are the most vulnerable....the ones who live beyond the margins of the marginalized? They will not be a part of my future. Frighteningly, I think they may have lost whatever voice they had managed to maintain. As for community development and prevention? When the "times" tank economically, everyone goes into reactive mode. Prevention is a luxury I guess. So is quality time making deep connections. It doesn't add up properly on the master spreadsheet.

Will you meet me by the shoreline, blue upon blues?
I'll be there looking for you.


Scarlet said...

Do you see me?
I have the REALLY big bottle of Pinot. :D

I am sorry about the job.
Sadly, these are the days in which we live.

Awareness said...

Scarletina...I see you! Bring on the Pinot. :)
It is most definately the days in which we live. Odd and disruptive on the head. But, will get my head around this one eventually I guess.

Anonymous said...

Oh Dana I am sorry for you and me because that department needed someone with a heart and able to see the big picture.
I am praying they will see what a mistake they are making.
As always who loses the ones without a voice.
Dana call me and this time you can lay your head on my shoulder.
Love Ya Girl

Romany Angel said...

I'm sorry for you Dana and I'm also sorry for the people who will slip through the cracks that you would have saved from doing so.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this has happened for a good reason and will ultimately lead to bigger and better things. It can happen you know.

Rainbow dreams said...

sorry to hear that Dana, sending thoughts, Katie

Gilly said...

I'm really sorry about the job. Its always the disadvantaged who suffer, and whose cracks open up for them to fall through. It shouldn't be so, but sadly it is.

Awareness said...

Mavis...thanks...it's very hard. they have made up their minds, and yet no time looking at ramifications or client and staff needs. the career consultants were vulnerable to the cuts and i knew that....as you know, much of the good stuff...the heart connecting stuff just doesn't get recognized by the numbers crunchers as key to quality service. we weren't considered essential.

gypsy....many are going to slip through...MANY....and whenever I've thought about this part of the whole scenario is when I lose it.
i've been in flux for such a long time, and it will continue obviously now but it all has to be for some bigger reason...i just have to be patient and something will come bigger and better .... right now, though I'm fluxing from trying to be optimistic about this to crying over the fact that no one is going to pick up the work that I do.

Katie...thanks...it looks like it will happen right away. I'm hearing they want me to report to them on Monday.

Gilly....one example after another highlights this theory here. It breaks my heart.
I have not lost my voice though and will try to find a way to help them find theirs.....

Independent Chick said...

Well holy poop... I'm sorry to hear about the job. From what I have heard about you (all good) and from what I can see here, you will be missed. I hope this new project is slightly fulfilling for you.

As for the shoreline...when do we meet? I could use some calm in my life if just for a moment.

Awareness said...

Stacey...:) thanks. the reality is sinking in today, as the news of what has really occured (not how it was projected in a memo from up on high) folks dropped by. I received some beautiful emails from some women from different community organizations and departments whom I have worked with on a committee on family violence that were very heart affirming. I won't be able to meet with them once a month anymore and that saddens me.

the shoreline? I'd recommend one between you and i...the beach at Mactaquac but who the hell knows if they'd let us in!!!!! There's a rally tomorrow at noon at the Leg. to protest the closing. :)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

What a kick in the head, Dana....I know how much you care and cared about the people you were helping...This is really a terrible terrible loss on every level. I hate that this happened to you and therefor, in turn, to them. These are rotten times, for sure...! Wish I could say something encouraging and positive....All I can think us: IT SUCKS, Bigtime!

Awareness said...

Naomi...thank you! it does feel like a kick in the head! as much as i struggled to fit in, it was a place where i did make deep connections with many. its a strange feeling indeed.

Independent Chick said...

Oh, I think I'll be able to find a shoreline somewhere. ; ) Hang tight.

Selma said...

I am so sorry to hear this. What uncertain times we live in. It just doesn't seem fair. I too, feel bad for those who will slip through the cracks as a result.

daringtowrite said...