The preference is always to have a choice, but its rarely the reality in life as much as we want to believe it is. We can set goals, make plans carefully, calculate our next steps and even make good sound decisions. But inevitably, other forces impact how our life unfolds. When you stop and think about all of the variables in our lives which have the potential to tug and pull us away from our much desired choices, its a wonder that we ever feel like we have a choice in how it all unfolds.
I wanted change but on my own terms. I knew it was going to happen. The budget writing was all over the walls! I pursued various avenues and tried to make it happen, but none of the options I was chasing came to be. There's no denying its been painful, and there's no denying I'm still dealing with the residuals of taking it personally. And there's no denying the hot tears of rejection as I struggled for a morsel of understanding as to why things happen. It all there. But, for some strange reason, I'm also feeling like a huge burden has been lifted. My vision seems clearer, and my belief in what is meant to be is allowing me to see a horizon of possibility. There's something to be said about just riding the wave.
This morning as I gather my thoughts and reflect on how I'm truthfully feeling, as I write this post.....I watched dawn break in front of me. The grey clouds moved swiftly from west to east, swept downriver with no control over their destiny. They ride their own windwave...always moving, always reforming, sometimes breaking up and sometimes gathering into a storm. There is bright blue behind that wave of grey. There is a sun too. Now that morning has arrived, I can see the birds too which up until now I could only hear using the wind to propel them on a flight path that looks like fun. They aren't fighting against the forces of nature. They are soaring with it.
Destiny is never held solely in our hands. Attitude is. How we play the hand we're dealt makes all the difference. I still have all the feelings I had yesterday and the day before floating inside me, but they are quickly being swept away by the anticipation of what is ahead of me. It's not a journey I want to take alone. Its not a hand I want to play by myself and thank God I need not worry about that. The choice may not be mine. But, who am I to think I'm any different than anyone else?
Bring it on.