Wednesday, April 15, 2009

the fixing fairy

Once upon a time, there was a little fairy who never went anywhere without her trusty crazy glue. Known as a fixer amongst the fairy people, this little sprite had the knack to mend wings and wounds. Her crazy glue was a magical mixture, a special secret recipe known for its healing powers. Tucked in the pockets of her bright blue fairy dress, she always had access to it. The key, she had learned as she accepted her role within the fairy family, was to help others learn how to apply the glue themselves. It blended in much better that way. Help them mend their own brokenness....

Yes, she was known as the crazy glue fairy....the fixer. It was expected of her. It was what she expected of herself. Sometimes she'd make the mistake of trying to mend when she wasn't invited to and when that happened, she was tisked away, dismissed and admonished. She tried hard not to do this, not to jump in when she wasn't wanted but her desire to help others coupled with her intuitive ability to see the need sometimes overwhelms her rational thinking.

Her biggest challenges were the internal rips which were difficult to see and more difficult to stop the bleeding. Sometimes she was successful in helping the wounded fairy become more whole. Sometimes all she could do was offer a couple of dabs of her glue before the fairy would be off and away.

There were a few hurts though which stumped her abilities, and try as she might there was no way to help those internal bleeds. This upset her beyond description because for a long time she thought her gifts were wanted and were enough to mend and to fix most everything. But after trying and trying and trying.....looking at the wound from many different angles, offering up her hope and ideas, creating new potions of her crazy glue, hitting up against walls of unacceptance, she grew so tired of fighting against the rejection she felt from the wounded.

It was a emotionally difficult realization that the fairy's crazy glue wasn't wanted and that some of the other fairies were actually afraid of her take chargeness. It left her feeling completely at odds with how she had pictured herself, with what she thought was expected and warmly welcomed. After a while, her sadness turned into resignation as she realized her crazy glue fixing was seen as threatening...

Somehow what she thought she was doing was a good thing had turned into a problem. As much as she tried to remind herself that her role as a fixer was only a part of who she was, it was too entrenched in her own definition of herself. What would she do if she couldn't fix? How would she deal with this and did she have the strength to let go of the role and move onto something else?

Funny though, she was sick and tired of being the fixer. The problem was......what was she supposed to do with all that crazy glue? And what would she do to replace her role as fixer? Its all she's ever known.

Alone and so exhausted, she sat down surrounded by her own self pity and feel asleep thinking about the wounds she failed to fix and wondering if she was a phoney fixer all along. She could feel an internal rip and she didn't know if she could tend to it anymore. Perhaps it was time to let it bleed. She laid down, pulled her wings in and her legs up and went to sleep.


Brother David said...

For those who are fixers, they should fix. If serving, then serve; if teaching, then teach according to the grace given to us. (Rom 12)..
Our motivation is the why - we do the things we do.

Anonymous said...

This upset her beyond description because for a long time she thought her gifts were wanted and were enough to mend and to fix most everything.

I am going back into the frey today and I have been feeling sick all night. It is hard when your role gets thrown in your face by the so called friendly fire.
Think of me today if you would please.


Awareness said... WISE! It is the why! You know sometimes we look too deeply and go beyond the original motivational factors. I will suggest the fairy needs to look at the "why..." because I think this where she may have gone awry. :)

Mavis.....all is fine on the workfront Mavis. :) Please get well!!! I expect you to be out using your crazy glue soon.

Anonymous said...

Being a fixer fairy can be very rewarding but it's important for her to remember that not everything can be fixed and some people for reasons of their own, just want to mend their own brokenness.

The fairy is just as loved for her good intentions and no-one, not even those with a hardened heart, would ever think of her as a phoney.

Sometimes the little fixer fairy just needs to go on her way and find someone else who WANTS to be fixed. Let's face it, she wouldn't have to go far when there are broken people everywhere you look.

Long live the fixer fairy and her endless supply of crazy glue :)

pinkrelish said...

Somedays I'm the fixer fairy -- especially with my kids. Although lately I am allowing the glue lay around more often and longer, in less obvious places. I am learning, to accept my brokenness as well as my strengths. In different times and places, we are all capable of being the glue fairy, or the broken.

Sometimes all we can do is just get out of the way. This is an aware decision, not denial. Because sometimes, less is more...

Thanks for allowing me to share here, and for the topic...


Scarlet said...

Even fixer fairy's must concede every now & then.

Not everything is meant to be fixed.
But as such, it shouldn't be taken personal either.
When it does, that's when you need to question your motivation.
Is it for them?
Or you?

Awareness said... gets slightly complicated when is expected, asked for and then not wanted...
or there is an allergic reaction to the crazy glue....then there's a problem! :) well stated, thank you for this. there is most definatel and time and a place and the amount is an important consideration. I like what you wrote about it not being denial but rather being aware. Key point!

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a colleague today. Her son broke up with his girlfriend and within 5 minutes of the break up, the girlfriend's mother was calling! Like, HELLO! Back off Mommy! We try to "fix" everything including the emotional hurts and we are completely doing a disservice to our children. WE don't allow them to learn the confidence to figuring things out.

Scarletina....Concession is a part of it that's for sure...especially if your the type of fairy that tries to "teach" how to apply the crazy glue and not take on the problem and fix it herself. However, there are some situations when the line between who one is helping and where the motivation comes from gets very very blurry...

If for example the behaviour and events happening to another directly or indirectly the quality of life for another (including the fixer fairy) then what?

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

dear fixing fairy,

love yourself. love yourself so much that you see that your wings need tending, your heart needs mending and your mind needs a song.

put yourself first. love yourself. fix yourself. and then tend to others.

it's in the fairy manifest.

check it out.


Awareness said...

Irish Heather...oh yes, oh yes...a bleeding heart fairy fixer is no good if she allows herself to bleed to death. :)