If our roots aren't dipped in empathy, how does one acquire it? If we have only experienced insufferable emotional blows as we grow from our roots, and never have had the experience of empathy immersion, how do we know what it feels like to be bathed in compassion? If our soul has been pummeled by angry fists and hoofed by steel-toed boots, how do we learn to love ourselves?
We only learn survival behaviour. Nasty retorts, cowering fear, rage fueled outbursts, or complete emotional shut down numbness..... all for self protection. No win-win here. Just a series of serious stumbling over bad decisions, poor choices, ineffective means of connecting. Still there is a deep hunger to be loved.
Lose-Lose equals Lonely-Lonely
There's a spiraling effect, which turns into a self fulfilling prophecy. Believe you're unloved, you will act like you're unloved. Believe you deserve to be treated poorly, you will act like you don't give a damn about yourself or others. Sometimes, if you believe you're owed a better life because of all that you've endured, you demand it in a way that stomps on others. Entitlement overkill. This perpetual unlovely behaviour squeezes any semblance of empathy right out of touch. It distorts clear minded thinking. It spoils the sweet aroma of sensitivity and compassion. It twists logic until it chokes on bile.
If there is a continuous taste of bile and a stomach churning up angry acid, how can you feel empathy? You can't. The pain is too red raw........... there is no lining left..... no protective tissues to console.
Is there any way to feed those roots....the same ones that have been neglected since childhood? Sometimes, it's impossible. Damage is so deeply embedded that it seems to chemically alter the brain somehow. Though I am no scientist, I have met my fair share of people who are either born with the inability to feel empathy for others, or whose reslience has been worn down, forced by a life of abuse. The capacity to dig into the soulpocket where empathy dwells just isn't there. Maybe the learning issue is more than making a choice to look through the eyes of another. Maybe there is a physical manifestation of psychological damage? Maybe the roots are dangerously tainted by psychopathology.
Sometimes it IS possible to help someone by feeding their roots. How?
By choosing to love the unlovely.
By allowing them to listen to the stories of the people they may have negatively impacted.
By allowing them to tell their story.
By encouraging and encouraging their willingness to change.... to reform, transform, stand on a new platform.......
By accepting vulnerability as a state of mind worthy of our trust in learning and growth.
By mentoring through actions and guiding....... role modellng the softening melt that happens when forgiveness is the goal.
By recognizing that every single human being is made from the same fabric, the same ingredients.
By wrapping our faith around the belief that we are all players within the Body of Christ.
It's a lot of work........a lot of effort. Our natural inclination is to stay within our own belief system... our own way of seeing the world and how it impacts us. If only we can step out and look through a different lens.
It's a Grace of God go I thing.........even if you believe there is no hope in empathy transformation.
ps.... this theory is in the process of being tested.........and continues this week.
