Sunday, December 21, 2008

drama in all its glory.


Saturday morning at the market, Dec 20......
I am drawn to this picture.
I think it's one of my favourites of the year.
Last night we gathered in my home to celebrate the Christmas season shaking our heads in disbelief that another year had somehow seeped out its unfolding. There was talk about simply walking away from the year because it had truly been fraught with emotion.
life. stress. bewilderment.
But, there we were, wine glasses in hand, nibblies close by, music in the background, the fire glowing warm fellowship, animatedly sharing the stories related to the drama in our lives and I heard more laughter than any other emotional reaction. Collectively, my family and friends have been confronted with more than our share of "life events," most of which were completely out of our control, most of which sent us reeling emotionally as they played out.
The "events" list continued to grow as we scrambled and stumbled to pull each other up and over every single personal obstacle. Illness, separations, big scares, betrayal, shocking deaths, anxieties, accidents, frustrations and feelings of being lost in the woods with no compass......it all happened. Scars were left from the emotion of it all. We have changed and grown a lot since this time last year. Our personal paths have been altered, some more than others. It was like a year of being involved in a life war and it took its toll and has left many very tired. Every time something new was added to the overflowing cup, our reaction was.........what does it all mean? Why is all of this happening??
Some would simply see it as too much drama.
I remember the reaction from a colleague last summer when I called from the hospital to let them know I wouldn't be in....that we were with a close friend who had called my husband and I that morning with chest pains. His wife was away at a conference. He called us for help and of course we responded, and made it to the hospital with not a moment to spare. He almost didn't make it. We were told as they worked on him that he most likely wouldn't make it. My colleague rolled her eyes at my phone call......disbelieving that yet another life event had pulled me away from my office, so soon after my husband's stroke in the spring. I have lost complete respect for this unfeeling person. She wasn't invited to my party last night.
But my friend was, and it filled my heart with joy to see him healthy and smiling, sitting on my couch enjoying a beer and swapping stories with all of us.....with the very people who comforted and supported my own family last May when Jamie suffered a stroke.....with the very people whom we have comforted too.
Laughter filled the air in my home last night....and perhaps more wine than normal, but we earned every single sip and some....it may have been a year fraught with stressful dramatic events, and we may still be struggling to learn how it has impacted us individually. We have changed and have been stretched by the discomfort of facing mortality head on. That's what happens in the middle of life's dramas....ones we have no control over. Tears come easier and the feelings have gone deeper. So has the attachment we feel for one another. And the way I see it..... this is all good. Deeper love is all good.
I feel blessed. I feel very much alive.
Tonight, we celebrate solstice......in the middle of a winter storm. They are calling for 40 cm and high winds. It seems appropos. We'll just have to huddle together. We know how to do that.

15 comments:

much2ponder said...

This story is not unfamiliar to me. I have been wondering how we make it through, regroup and continue on in our lives with all that has happened. I will not bore you with details, but I will say...it seem the feelings and emotions you speak of here are close at hand for many people.

Thank you Awareness for keeping it real. You have a gift of putting real life into words that others can relate to. I pray blessings over you, your friends and family this holiday season and in the coming year; that you all will find your footing and be strengthened in the process. You are loved:)

swilek said...

True friends are a blessing and priceless! Stay warm down there in the storm! Did I remember you saying you have relatives up here in Ontario? Will you be coming up? If so, it would be fun to meet up for coffee! You would be the second bloggy friend I would meet...I met my first over in N. Ireland this past summer!!

Nikita said...

Beautiful darling... I too am occupying myself with ways forward, ways to shut out the cold... ways to get closer.
Joyeux Noël darling. xxx

awareness said...

m2p....thank you so much. I'm very glad our paths have crossed. Nothing is more affirming than to be understood, eh? :)
May your chrismtas season too be full of wonderful gatherings of friends and family....and may we all continue to grow and be stretched by what life has to offer.

Karyne...I think you guys are getting it first!
We do have family in Ontario...Burlington and area. We're staying here for Christmas this year, but will be up during the March break. I would love to meet you and will keep you posted!

Niki...stay warm sweetie. Are you travelling for Christmas?

OldLady Of The Hills said...

It is something when you go over the events of this last year....As you said, so very many things that covered ALL Emotional bases..!
Huffling together is not only good, it is GREAT! May you and all those who you love abd love you keep on Huddling, my dear Dana....A VERY VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to You & Yours! And, a very GOOD, HEALTHY AND HAPPY 2009!

OldLady Of The Hills said...

"HUDDLING"....Oh Dear....this One Finger typing leaves a lot to be desired, sometimes..lol!

Anonymous said...

old lady used a word i never heard of but love - huffling! - a great way to shut out the cold, literal and metaphor....

Nikita said...

no my love, just staying here the two of us. x

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

family/friends + huddling=comfort.

Bar L. said...

I wish I could have been at your little party of true friends. It sounds lovely.

I am hoping that 2009 is less dramatic than 2008 (for me anyhow).

Love you!

Rainbow dreams said...

Hope your huffling kept you safe and warm tonight, Merry Christmas Dana, and here's to a new year ahead x

awareness said...

Naomi....love the huffling! I may use it as the title of my next post. :) Very descriptive and visually appealing little word.
thank you...I'm very much looking forward to a new calendar on my fridge that rings out 2009.
ps. huddled we did...and huffled and puffled. A whole bunch of us were snowed in at the solstice party. We managed to get home around 3pm today!

Paul...i most certainly agree and believe the little word hit you in the very same spot as me.

Layla...you would've loved it...lots of good music, and cheer. After introducing you to everyone, I would've invited you to sit in a big comfy chair by the fireplace and made sure your wine glass was not empty. We were up until after 3 am....good fun.

awareness said...

thanks katie...we must've just crossed paths

Anonymous said...

What a heartwarming post Dana. I certainly hope that 2009 will see you facing a lot less drama and fulfilling more of your dreams. Gotta keep chasing those dreams, even the ones that don't want to be caught :)

awareness said...

Niki and MIrishwoman....sorry, I missed your comments.

Niki...enjoy your intimate Christmas day.

MIW....remember to watch Charlie Brown's Christmas. ;)