Saturday, May 19, 2012

Spontaneity revealed......

You can't schedule a "random act of kindness."  It makes no sense. There's no randomness in that act! You can't sketch out a day of creating, teaching, or facilitating a business meeting and expect it to unfold exactly how you envision it.  It just doesn't happen that way.  Parties, events, vacations, day trips, appointments, first dates, all dates, even chores around the house...... they can all be planned right down to the micro minutae.  We all know however, that nothing unfolds as you think it will.  Why?  Because there is a little Pixie named Spontaneity that LOVES to wink, blink and paplink on life with giggling abandon!  You never know when she will make an appearance.  

Spontaneity is the Id jigging on our plans. Makes me smile just thinking about it!  It is the spoon that stirs the cinammon into the bland batter.  It is the one note which rises up above the others that takes a song to the altar. Spontaneity is the scalliwag blush determined to splash onto a beige landscape with colourful love.... the moxie in the body wiggle........  the feisty spirit in our personality ..... the starry night twinkle in our eyes!  Like the heat from soulmate intimacy, it is the passion that levitates from our footprints.  

Spontaneity is the human being divinely inspired.  It's source is joy and love.... gladness and kindness.

Most of the time.......

 There is a dark side to this little personified Pixie whose main goal is to bring a sense of surprise goodness.  A kablink instead of a paplink!  Spontaneity with a poison dart is nasty. We know it when it strikes.  It feels like a slap or a re-piercing of a wound.  Usually it is the ammo in a bully's arsenal and it arrives unannounced.  Most forms of abuse are a spontaneous action thrusted out into the face of another. Impulsive, unthinking, driven by an ignited passion fueled by kerosene.   It's source is anger and fear .... low self esteem and old triggers.   

Sometimes, you don't know what has "hit or stung" you until you take a step back from the situation, it is so quick to lash out.   By then, the damage is done.  Those wounds fester, especially if the spontaneous combustion of another's actions are perpetuated.  Over and over......... Bullies like to hit the same target.  Target practise with spontaneity. Aggression with Spite.  Once we have felt it from someone, we begin to expect it to happen again.  Nervousness looms, while attempting to sidestep the landmines.  

Dark spontaneity is the human being deviously inspired.  

On the other hand, Pixie spontaneity, the kind that pecks you on the cheek and leaves a stain of lipstick, are like separate little gifts.  One offers! 

Last Sunday, we heard........ "Some people give a lot of love and some people give a small amount of love.  How much love do you give out?"  This part of the sermon has stayed with me this week, as I thought about it.  I thought of the people I encounter who don't have the capacity for one reason or another to give much love. Why?  Discomfort, personal wounds, defensiveness...... a tightly guarded heart.... could this be why?  What about the people who spontaneously dole out a whole lotta of love?  Are they more confident?  More comfortable in their own skin?  Or are they very needy of love themselves and they give it away too impulsively?  

If all of our actions are our best attempt at fulfilling a personal need (Survival, Love and Belonging, Control/Empowerment, Freedom, Fun) what needs are people who give a lot of love fulfilling?  What needs are people who give a small amount of love fulfilling?  guess the key thing to remember when it comes to giving away big amounts of love is the need to keep a little love for ourselves.  If we give it all away, we deplete ourselves of heartsongs.   

Here's a thought....... maybe the ones who have little to give, or who veer more towards spiteful spontaneous actions need more big love offered to them?  Maybe they are depleted and don't know how to love themselves. 

Here's another thought........... Because Pixie spontaneity is impulsively offered, we do it without thinking beyond the action.  Unconditional fairy dustings of love.  Perhaps this is one way God helps us give of ourselves with no expectations of fulfilling any need?  A random offering......... a surprise.............. a smile ........ kindness with no strings attached ..... spontaneously divine.........   

Just remember "above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it........." (Proverbs 4:23)  This is the way to being a good Pixie. :)

May your day have an unpredictable Pixie wink to it........... 

Sunday, May 13, 2012


June, 2011. 
Max's Grade 8 celebration. 
He is much taller now. :)

"There is no fear in tenderness.  Tenderness is not a weakness, lack of strength, or sloppiness; tenderness is filled with strength, respect, and wisdom.  In tenderness, we know how and when to touch someone to help them to be and be well."  
Jean Vanier, Becoming Human.

Yesterday, my two children accompanied me to the market.  This is a rare occasion.  Usually, I go on my own, early and armed with my camera.I kept my camera hidden because I know my spontaneous photo clicking of decorated legs and human costumes embarrasses them! (Eye-rolling....OMG, there goes my crazy Mom taking photos again of someone's footwear! She's nutty!)

My market trips are my Saturday morning ritual to meander while clearing my head from a work week.  Its a time to touch base with the folks I know who work or panhandle there.... and for random encounters with friends, neighbours and colleagues, for picture taking and chatting.  Yesterday, it was a little different.  I felt like a Momma chick showing off her little family....two strappingly tall beauties on either side of me.  I was the short one in the middle smiling proudly.   My focus was on them, on what they had to say, on how they interacted with the vendors and the random people from our lives that we bumped into.

Our time together didn't last very long.  We toured the stalls and stopped a few times.  Before we knew it, Martha flew off to meet up with her friends.  Max and I headed home.  But, it wasn't the length of time that mattered.  It was the feeling of enjoying each other's company while chatting and swapping a few jokes that only the three of us would laugh at. It was a sense of belonging that permeated us and spun energy around us.  It was a touching of that invisible energy.... like fingertips to fingertips...... 

Togetherness.  We are each other in a fresh breeze way.  Family.  We thrive in good and bad weather.  We thrive because no matter how much freedom there is in the personal journey, there is a nest to come home to.  A haven where unconditional love and listening offers safe landings.  Like anyone, we spend time on our own......... doing tasks, figuring out our own stuff, being quiet.  Maybe that's why when the three of us are sharing a meal, or are involved in an activity together, there is an unspoken tenderness that binds us beautifully. 

As individuals, we have experienced a whole lot of struggles.  Growing pains.  Uncertainty.  Frustration.  Loneliness. New horizons. Human learning. Stretching beyond comfort zones.  I know how much they worry about me, and still do as I try to regain my zip!  They count on me, and I encourage it.  Honest open conversations.  Truth, honesty.  Meaningful moments that remind them that I am their lead.  I am Mom.   

They know how much I worry about them too as they forage forward into independence.  That's my job....... figuring out  when to let go, when to intervene, when to nurture....when to stand on the sidelines applauding their amazing accomplishments.  Encouragement enthusiastically trumps worry.  Love expressed through action, through reliability, through the daily gifts we share feeds the tenderness we innately feel for each other. 

This is what I was thinking as I walked to the market with my tall beauties at my side.   Because we have conquered some of life's big hills together.   Because we acknowledge the daily little hills we attempt too.  Because we know deep in our beating hearts that we love one another to the moon and back, we are fine.  More than just fine.  Blessed by this knowledge and by belonging.

Today is Mother's Day........... its a special one for me as I cognitively and emotionally revisit the past year's milestones.   Martha's personal experiences forced her to stretch beyond, beyond her comfort zone.  Max's body has stretched beyond, beyond his comfort zone.  Both have encountered big transitions in their academic and personal lives...... stuff I could help them with, stuff their friends could help them with, but lots and lots of stuff they had to dig deep inside themselves to figure out solutions, to make decisions.  Just like their Momma.  

It has been a year (or two) when I have found myself on my knees more than I can count.  I've learned my perspective from there is cleansed becomes much clearer.  

But, here we ARE!  Whole, transitioning,  transforming....... reflecting ....... becoming..........always grateful for their tenderness.  

I am a very very lucky Mom.  

Happy Mother's Day.