How do you refresh an irritation?
This is the question Pip has offered up on his blog this week. LOVE Pip's questions.......!
They often stay with me like a pebble in my flip flops, like a scratchy throat whenever I swallow........like a persistant pressure of my finger pushing on my temple, it's muscles moving other thoughts out of the way. The question was irritating me because I have personally been trying to tackle the biggest irritation in my life right now and for some reason I was able to make some headway. I really didn't know what changed in me to be able to see the problem in a different light. On the surface it felt like I woke up one morning with new eyes, but it was more than that. More had to have happened besides getting a good night sleep (though it did help!) I decided to rise to the challenge of attempting to answer it as a means to reflect on what has just happened between myself and the other person whom I was holding ransom and thereby causing untold bitterness in my soul. So..........here's to the unravelling......a revelling in the unravelling.
To start, what does it mean..........refresh an irritation??
A drip, drip, drip of a tap boldly breaking the silence of the night
denting the inner harbour porcelain
leaving an ugly iron stain
wasting energy and resources
Of quiet lonely tears unshared,
some expressed in loud rages of expletive anger
some expressed in accusations out of frustration
filling the messy wounds with stinging salt
smearing mascara in rivulets
ruining pillow cases in the process
leaving empty puffy sore eyes
Feelings slowly burn.
The inner storm brews and steeps in strength, fueled by
Still, we continue to deny, deny, suppress, repress, swallow
Unconciously scratching the unrelenting itch ............
We turn away from the pest, suppressing our feelings until we begin to erupt in welts where small surface bumps used to be.
We continue to turn away, not looking at the mess as it grows and festers into an ugliness that encompasses any welcoming beauty.
Why should I refresh an irritation? Wouldn't that just bring forth discomfort? Won't it go away if I just ignore it?
no it won't. And it will impact your life, your views, your interactions, your health, your joy. It will keep you up at night, blur your focus, turn your perceptions upside down. An irritation will flip the switch on discomfort and dissatisfaction until you choose to awaken to the meaning behind it. Why does it bother you so?
Refresh the irritation.
Use it as food for inspiration.
Reveal it's reason for provocation.
Look at it's reflection (and yours too!)
Wonder about it's festering aggravation.
Surrender to your exasperation.
Use discomfort and agitation.
For personal growth and motivation.
Our lives are messy. Our crisscrossing journeys are messy. Relationships seem to be the crux of our personal itching don't you think? I swear there are some people who drop into our personal lives for no other reason than to make us take a good long look at our blemishes and scars. And who wants to look in the mirror to admit our own imperfections........which includes owning up to the responsibility of being part of the ITCHiness of a complicated messy relationship??
Funny, I don't think God would want it any other way. I'm just guessing, because I don't have a clue what He thinks...........but it seems like the only explanation. Do you think maybe God throws us irritating curveballs just to ensure we continue to find growth in our discomfort zone? Maybe he's asking us to turn our irritations into action.............into pearls of wisdom.
So............how do you refresh an irritation.........???
Stop the busy-ness of your life used as a means to avoid the situation
Say HELLO to the irritation and look at it in the eye!
Look at yourself, your actions, your feelings with 20/20 vision to see how you have allowed it to impact you and how you have added to the impact. What is your role formulating this irritating mess.
Listen to the gurgling percolating pangs in your gut
Strip off the defensive armour
Study yourself nakedly in front of the mirror and take some ownership
Peel away the ugly behaviour you're really reacting to and look again at the person as a human being.
Admit your own wrongdoing
Realize you have control over how you feel. Don't give that power away to anyone else
Take the first step
Ask for forgiveness
and wait for your door to open...........inviting you to talk.
Some irritations are deep deep wounds.........they take many attempts to heal over and chances are they will leave a scar. But it's never too late to begin again. We tend to see what we are looking for. Perhaps we need to revisit what it is we are looking for......
So, what was it that changed and softened my defenses? I think I saw another human being whom I may have some things in common with rather than an two headed monster enemy blocking my way. I also saw how my own reactions had fed the two headed monster's behaviour, or at least how I interpreted it. And lastly, I hit the pit of feelings and I didn't want to feel miserable anymore. There I was thinking I had control, when in fact I was a prisoner of my own feelings and my own re-actions. I realized how much I was the irritation and it made me feel a sense of shame and humility.
It seems like refreshing an irritation happens when one is finally able to state....I don't want to feel like this anymore and it is up to me to do something about it. Felt emotions lead to altered thinking which in turn lead to new actions.
How's that my emerald friend ?? xo loveitloveitloveit. And I didn't need a taxi man to help me this time. I found the directions and made my way home. :) It was all in taking that risk.