You Raise Me Up.

I have been a scattered mad hatter brain so far this week in what has seemed like an emotional roller coaster ride. I have made many half hearted attempts to write something profoundly witty. I have started projects and reports and haven't been able to finish. I have sat down a dozen times to read and could only absorb 3 o4 pages at most. Up, down and all around...........too many thoughts and too many emotions pulsating through my wee little noggin'. This afternoon, I settled. I sat quietly; strangely open and receptive to a mournful and celebratory ceremony as I attended a little boy's funeral.

I sat in the second pew from the back of the church, on the side, surrounded by all men, whom I presume were co-workers and coaches of Ryan's father. To the right of me, no one. For some reason, I left a little space between me and the aisle. But, as soon as I found myself settle into a prayer, the space beside me felt like it had filled up.............just when I started feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sadness of the ceremony, I felt warmth. I wasn't alone. That's never happened to me at a funeral before..........a Presence.............

Ryan was a kid with gusto, who loved all sports and played all sports. It was evidently and proudly displayed. Just before the service was to begin, a parade of 9 and 10 year old boys, wearing their distinctive team jerseys, walked up the middle aisle with their parents and took over 3 or 4 rows of pews at the front of the church. Behind them, the teachers from the school..........there to personally mourn and to offer support to their charges. In front of the kids, a teacher choir representing teachers from most of the elementary schools in the community, led by the Principal and the Music teacher who has taught every one of those kids music. Funerals and children don't seem to fit into the natural order of things. These children, however, Ryan's friends, were being hugged by a group of adults, parents and teachers and caregivers.............the adults in their lives whom they can trust and who are there to help them figure this out.

Funerals provide learning, awareness and hope. They can provide love and a sense of belonging. And they offer a showing of communal support for the family and friends who will need a whole lot of it in the coming days. Even though there is no clear reason why such a tragic illness should take the life of a child, there was a sense of "coming together" that offered all these feelings. No answers, just feelings.....open, honest and raw.

Tonight, my family and I will attend a more upbeat event. We are joining a slew of other families, out on the "Ridge" with a million dollar view of the Saint John River for a potluck party to kick off summer. Lots of good eats, lots of room to play in the fields..............wine, song and even fireworks. Possibly a bit of howling at the moon. Yes, I think I need to howl at the moon......oh and maybe a glass of wine (or two) is in order.

You Raise Me Up (sung by the teacher choir)

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; 

When troubles come and my heart burdened be; 

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, 

Until you come and sit awhile with me. 



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; 

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; 

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; 

You raise me up... To more than I can be. 



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; 

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; 

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; 

You raise me up... To more than I can be. 



There is no life - no life without its hunger; 

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly; 

But when you come and I am filled with wonder, 

Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity. 



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; 

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; 

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; 

You raise me up... To more than I can be. 



You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; 

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; 

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; 

You raise me up... To more than I can be.