Saturday, October 31, 2009

all my life's a circle..........


In the chilly hours and minutes,
Of uncertainty, I want to be,
In the warm hold of your loving mind.

To feel you all around me,
And to take your hand, along the sand,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.
Donovan.....

The candles are burning bright tonight in my home as I write this. Lily, our trusty pooch, is monitoring the front lawn through the window looking for little trick or treaters carrying big goodie loot bags, all excited to be out in the dark on this blustery Halloween Eve. There is a combined sense of fright and delight.

I love Halloween. It truly does bring the neighbourhood together in a different way than on any other day of the year. Little Emma down the street, who is almost 4 years old (how did that happen??!) looked so adorable in her flowy pink wizard costume. Of course, Lily had to be the first greeter as she ploughed past me as I opened the door........... her tail wagging, a smile on her face. When we opened the door to Emma, it was a reunion between friends. I heard this tiny little voice exclaim.......... "Happy Halloween Lily!" Then, a big yawn came from the worn out wizardess, and a polite thank you without any prompting. :) So grown up!


Tonight, I'm have the house to myself. I chose to stay behind to hand out the Halloween candy. I'm too wiped out and physically feeling a bit off kilter. To combat a sense of weariness, I've lit dozens of candles and put on a CD chock full of the songs I love to listen to when I am in need of rejuvenation. It feels like a multi-sensory haven which has generated a sense of grounding and a lovely feeling of nostalgia wafting all around me. It's exactly where I want to be, reflectively soaking it all up.

Every single song that has played tonight has conjured up a photo album of beautiful faces, heart held memories ............... stuff that dreams are made of .... Within the tunes, I can hear intimate conversations, envision late night guitar picking, picture smiles and tears, reunions and shared walks. I remember boisterous campfires, spirit moving canoe paddles, nights laying on a floating dock looking up at a sky so full of stars. Close enough to wrap your hands around them. And then there were the nights when the northern lights danced up from the horizon. Oh my God, they are sight to behold.

It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's the slow and steady fire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's your heart and soul's desire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of.... (Carly Simon)

Connections to past and present feed an internal flame that propels me onto to the adventure ahead..... wherever that may lead, whatever it offers. While the music plays on, I fall into a place deep inside... where the ME in me is most authentic. To label it with feelings? A profound sense of gladness.

My gladness, however, is steeped in multiple layers of feelings, softened by a cotton gauze over the lens with which I view it. Tears spring forward, smiles too as I realize how much time has already marched on in my life and how FULL it has been thus far. I bring forth the living spirits of the people who continue to touch me .... the ones in particular who are far away in physical distance, but never ever far from my grateful heart. I kiss them all tonight. I kiss them all......

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,
I want you near, to kill my fears
To help me to leave all my blues behind.

For standin' in your heart,
Is where I want to be, and I long to be,
Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.
(Donovan)

As the outside winds send welcoming gusts from the past summers in blustery autumn billows, I sit here surrounded by the wafting scents of candles and wonder what makes their flames flicker and dance in unison? I think I know.

I 'm not alone in this ultimate adventure called life. Let the music play on.....

It seems like I've been here before;
I can't remember when;
But I have this funny feeling;
That we'll all be together again.
No straight lines make up my life;
And all my thoughts have bends;
There's no clear-cut beginnings;
And so far no dead-ends.

All my life's a circle;
But I can't tell you why;
Season's spinning round again;
The years keep rollin' by.

Harry, keep the change, Chapin.

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt is adventure. Mine is enhanced daily by my friends and family.... the beautiful people whose spiritual presence always make the candlelight flicker and dance and bring meaning to the music that touches my soul.

7 comments:

Selma said...

First of all, great bridge in your header. I am a bridge nut as you probably know. I love the blues in your photo.

Secondly,I like to do what you are doing on Hallowe'en. Just hang back a bit. See the outfits of the little kids in the neighbourhood, revive myself with some songs that mean something to me. It all sounds so good.

I haven't listened to 'Catch The Wind' for a while, but what a beautiful song. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Thanks for the reminder!

Awareness said...

Selma....it's the old railway bridge that spans the Saint John River. It has been turned into a walking bridge which ties into the Trans Canada trail.... all old railway tracks.

I hadn't listened to that song in a while either and it caught me right where it counts. Funny how one song (let alone a medley of many) can conjure up so many stored memories. Yes, it brought the tears up here too.

Marja said...

When rain has hung the leaves with tears This line stands out for me Great songs and what a peaceful way to spend the night. No trick and treaters for us as Halloween isn't that big yet here.
We used to do the same kind of thing with carnaval, about a month before easter. The kids also went dressed up trick and treating and sang a song

Tumblewords: said...

A lovely adventure. Thank you for allowing me to be there. Music does hold our past doesn't it? A diary, a photo album, heartfelt nostalgia.

Jennifer Hicks said...

this was a touching post. thanks for sharing your adventure.

Gel said...

Wow, those songs evoke many memories for me. I'm here from Sun. Scribblings,but I'm also a regular reader of Selma's blog. There are many times I've chosen to stay in on Halloween even though I adore dressing up in a costume. There's something untouchable, very magical about seeing the eyes of the kids who come to the door so excited!

Your post was beautiful- a mix aptly titled "all my life's a circle." I enjoyed the spin around.

Dee Martin said...

This was a warm stroll through remembered and shared music :)