Thursday, October 29, 2009

nuances



There is a scene in the movie The Remains of the Day when the emotionally uptight Stevens (played by Anthony Hopkins) clearly let Miss Kenton (Emma Thompson) know he was never going to soften to her advances. He was never going to let his guard down to allow the possibility of feeling any sense of intimacy obviously present within the space of these two people. The importance of maintaining decorum outweighed any human desire. Hopkins somehow managed to express this so effectively with a subtle shift in his body language. In a split second, the observer knew just how he felt. Clearly, Emma Thompson's character received the message...... uncomfortable, closed, off bounds. She backed off to regain decorum.

I consider the scene one of the most brilliantly acted scenes in movie history and the perfect example of how a minute flinch can speak volumes. Such nuances in our behaviour can easily be missed or dismissed as inconsequential. Sadly, they can be more revealing than sharing a whole evening with another person. They reveal a whole buffet from one morsel.

Daily life spins on a busy axis, where our encounters are numerous and blurry. Rarely do we take a breather to catch the little flinches of comfort and discomfort.... of need and wanting ..... of feelings too sharply stirring to remain under the skin completely. We think we aren't readable, that we have control over what we express to another. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Its just that we are time starved for standing in the long now appreciating the stories behind the subtleties.

Reading nuances is the core of intuition. It's the key to effective counselling. It's the most important counselling tool I carry. I have honed it over the years and can zone right into this place of careful observation when I'm in the middle of a counselling session. I've known all my life however that I've always had this ability to read these messages. It's like I was born with a heightened sensory radar or some kind of feelings barometer. A slight change in the energy around a person and my alert system kicks in. I can be crazy busy with no time to attend to the feeling but I can't avoid it or shake away from this happening. It has its advantages and disadvantages that's for sure.

Whether its a movement of the eyebrow, a twitch of the cheek, a different pursing of the lips or a millimetre difference in the space between you and another person, this subtle change reflects the treble of emotions rising from the soul. If the other person's message is one of inexpressible discomfort, the knowing I feel is immediate. Sometimes the clarity scares me.

If I catch this emanating from someone whom I care about, it hits me hard in the pit of my stomach.... right where I struggle with my own issues of rejection. Sometimes I follow up with a question ........ "Is everything alright?" "Are you uncomfortable with me?" "What's wrong?" These questions often aren't received well because I jump in and ask too quickly, sometimes before the other person has even recognized it in themselves that their feelings have changed or have been triggered...or at least in a place where they want to admit it.

A Psychic recently asked me, without knowing this (or at least me verbally informing her), if I had ever considered using my abilities to read people's auras. Since it seems to automatically happen, I guess I do. It's not that I can read minds. I can read a person's presence and their feelings about being in my presence. It helps tremendously in a counselling session because the trust and the comfort happens very quickly. If a person feels a sense of being understood, especially without words shared, they normally sink into a place of sharing. But when it happens in a negative sense with someone I care about or want to be closer to, I can't shake the feeling very easily. It gets replayed in my thinking over and over again while I try to sort it out.

I met a Reiki master last year who without knowing my background or much about me at all asked if I had ever considered studying this art because he could feel the energy around me. he referred to it as a blue light. OOOOOOoooooo, I glow!!! At first, I thought the idea was kind of kooky and wondered if it was merely a very strange pick up line, but I sensed he was genuinely feeling comfortable standing with me. I knew he was reading some kind of intuitive openness that is a part of who I am.

Yes, I seem to have been born with external proprioceptors that can gauge changes in energy and mood. There are a few people in my life whom I seem to have this uncanny connection to through shared energy and knowing. These are the human beings whom I truly believe I was destined to meet. It's like there is a syncopation in our flow. Now, how's that for new age drivel? Its true though..... in fact, there is a different thickness in the air, like it went from oxygen to helium. Within this lightness are floating particles containing meaningful communication. I can also stand back and observe it between two people interacting as well.....

The intensity of my intuitiveness obviously makes them uncomfortable at times, like they feel more naked around me. I don't mean it. It just happens. Nuances are very visible. They expand in stature when I take notice. I just have to learn to be more careful about when and how I share these feltsenses. On the other hand, I have to learn how to let go of the messages I pick up and not take them so personally.

I honestly don't know if this is terribly unique or whether it is commonplace. Because of the type of work I do, I've become more aware of how it manifests within me, but my perception of being able to catch these nuances is skewed. What I do know and accept is how fascinated I am when I see it happen, as it did in that scene from The Remains of the Day, and how I am left with a sense of intrigue and unrelenting curiosity when I feel it emanating towards me from someone I care about.

There you go............... a confession. Now, don't you want to hang out with me?

2 comments:

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Yeah, I've always wanted to hang out with you :)

Awareness said...

thank you lovely Layla. I was getting worried that i scared everyone off. :)