Monday, November 02, 2009

panic



Sometimes life just seems like an endless task of avoiding the truth. Every now and then your soul wakes up from a self induced dream state.........

to a hideous hangover
so stark, so raving, so real
you find yourself staring face to face
with all the lies you've swallowed.....
all the lies you've muttered
all the lies you've been told and had hoped against hope they weren't true.

you against them.

a pack of hungry lies
sitting in wait
ready to pounce
needy persistence pulsing desire
pushing on your temples
pressing down on your beating heart
with a pressure too painful to ignore.
blinding clarity and nowhere to hide.

panic sends streaking impulses into dead zones
bolts of fear curdling silent screams richochet
in the dark
as you realize
you realize
the lies are about to win.
the lies are about to your strip life
of the sinful colour you so intricately painted it.

Thank God we are such amazing escape artists.
sometimes...........

Its the other times that manage to rip your facade down to naked ugliness in all its flatulent glory that frighten me. Then, there is no where to hide from the panic. It's like being eaten alive.


6 comments:

Jen said...

sigh...

Sometimes I think that I build up that big moment of surrender into something it need not be. What's the worst thing that can happen? And what if it does?

sigh...again...

not like I allow it to happen very often, if ever.


I'm there, sweet lady. I'm tired.

I'm swirling in a vortex, creating my own anxiety. I just need to let go.


Hugs to you, Dana.

Mark said...

If you only see ugliness when you strip the facade away then you need to keep stripping for you have not arrived at your core self which is beauty. Do not be fooled by your ego that you are in anyway bad or ugly beneath the facade, that what your ego presents is yet another facade. Peel away the layers and find the beauty that is you.

Awareness said...

Jen.... panic is a sign, maybe a sign that a transition is about to happen? Or some enlightenment? Or maybe the time has come to make a decision? I don't know. It often hits me when I have a nasty middle of the night recognition moment that one day I'm going to die. Then, I'm in that vortex you are swirling in too, sooner than I can open my eyes.

Mark. I think the ugliness we do hang onto far too long, but I also think we need to at least recognize it in ourselves and then work towards some kind of beautification project also known as forgiveness. it is a layer peeling thing, you're right on. :)

Anonymous said...

Dana:

When I found my lump PANIC
The next day I had a talk I told God I can do anything if you take away the fear, when your frozen with fear you are no good to anyone or yourself.
Isaiah 43: 1-3 was given to me
Never before have I been able to give over control, this time I am in awe of how easy it was once I trusted . Tomorow I go to have the first steps in my process , maybe if I am one of the lucky ones it will end there,but this I know I have learned a valuable lessson one I tried all my life to learn and could not seem to grasp. I learned to let go and let God.
Pray for me tonite as I will pray for you.

Mavis

much2ponder said...

Wow...powerful words. I could feel the momentum mounting with each line leading to the next and then the climax. Just as it ended, I found myself wanting there to be more.

Awareness said...

Mavis... Good to hear from you with an update. I will most definately be thinking about you tomorrow. Keep me posted!!! love to you. x

M2P... thank you! I really wanted to bring it to LIFE.... I think trying to describe anxiety and other common feelings helps me understand it for my own purposes and for others too. Today, actually I was able to share it with a student who had just gone through a long bumpy night herself. This little piece broke the ice for her to share her story with me. :)