Saturday, October 24, 2009

fallen angel

fallen angel's wings

Didn't mean to disappoint you.

I could see it in your eyes.
Seems as though my appearance
came as a sad surprise.
It was the last thing I intended.

I had hoped for so much more
our ethereal connections
kept those promises in store

Instead those wanting expectations
openly expressed

were left in discarded tatters
no reasons were confessed.

These wings are dipped in ashes,

My heart's brimming in shame

this broken angel's fallen

her appearance is to blame....

Every time you were all alone
Discomfort spoke to me

Loud waves of noisy silence

Choking air of possibility

Still I prayed I was misreading
intuitive warnings all around
Averted eyes tell no lies

when they're focused on the ground.

These wings are dipped in ashes,
My heart's brimming in shame

this broken angel's fallen

unable to spark the flame.......

This week's Sunday Scribblings word prompt is shame. It is such a powerfully debilitating feeling....the one that makes lonely feel like a walk in the park. Toxic, physically riveting, shame employs thoughts and actions in a way no other feeling comes close to. What is the opposite of shame? hmmmm.....

Shame is grace turned inside out. Can you ever experience grace when shame hits home?

My first thought when I saw this prompt was a vision of a fallen angel..... one who was given the opportunity to connect on a deep level with someone she believed she was destined to meet. But, when it happened, she quickly realized that her appearance didn't bring the comfort and joy she had hoped for, even expected. Consequently she felt like she had failed in her quest. She was left feeling ugly and discarded. Fallen, shame filled her ethereal soul.


oldegg said...

Your fallen angel with wings dipped in ashes is wonderfully expressed.

A beautiful and evocative poem.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

WONDERFUL Poem, my dear. It could be a song! Someone should write music to it, you know?

You write so BEAUTIFULLY Dana....!

Selma said...

Shame is grace turned inside out. WOW. That is incredibly profound.

I have a thing for angels, fallen or otherwise. They are endlessly fascinating. This was such a wonderful poem!

Kay said...

well, its a lovely write indeed. One I think all could relate with. And shame? hmmmm....what a controversial topic... no regrets, remember?

Awareness said...

oldegg....i was trying to conjure up an image of the wings sagging down in sadness when that line came to me. thank you.

Naomi...You know its funny, that's how it sounded to me too when I was writing it. :) The other morning, I woke up with a tune in my head. That's never happened to me before. The problem is, I don't know a note and there is no way I could capture it, let alone hum the thing to anyone! So, it stays in my head for now. I should give the lyrics to one of my friend's daughters and see if she can find a tune for this one. She'd have the right voice for it too. :)

Selma... don't you LOVE it when a line like that comes out of the blue from your imagination?? I had already posted the piece, then went off to pour myself a glass of wine, wondering what the opposite is of shame. All of a sudden POOOF! It came to me! Thank you....

Kay..... ah, je ne regret rien. I remember. Yeah, controversial and so many avenues to write about.

Sweetest in the Gale said...

"Shame is grace turned inside out". PERFECT. I was trying to think what the opposite of shame was myself, and came up empty. Your poem was profound and beautiful...the angel wings dipped in ashes spoke volumes. Beautiful!!

Awareness said...

Sweetest....thank you and welcome. It felt good actually to dig into my imagination that way again. I've struggled with my writing's been difficult to find the right turn of phrase. From my experience, if it is a constipated kind of process, then the writing feels too contrived, too worked over. The ideas for this poem and post shone through loud and clear last night. It's been a while since that happened. A relief!! :)

Gypsy said...

I've felt the very same way as the fallen angel and the pain and humiliation were quite debilitating and shockingly unexpected. I'm sorry you had to go through that are worthy of so much more.

A Girl Named Me said...

Shame is grace turned inside out.

So true. I hope you'll stop by and see what I have written about my own shame and how I have turned that around.


Jen said...

Shame can be so embedded in our neural pathways that we actually choose it over grace, because to turn away from shame creates anxiety.

Well, I often give myself opportunities (fuck up :-) and I'm learning to love myself in the midst of it instead of shaming myself. It's sometimes a choice...when we do it to ourselves.

Awareness said...

Gypsy....shame is wracked with the feeling of humiliation isn't it? Terrible to feel and to experience. Do you know what I just realized? That humility and humiliation are derivatives. Why I've never seen that before is weird. But, I see them as different feelings even though humility is supposedly a synonym of shame. I find that strange.

Hey Me....will do. thanks for dropping by here.

Jen...we are conditioned beings, that's for sure. Yes, I agree and believe we hurt ourselves even more than we should by not learning to let go of the feelings and forgiving ourselves and others more rapidly. There are few things we have some control over, and one is how we choose to feel/react to a situation. I believe we have much to learn from the sense of shame, and if we didn't have the capability of feeling it every once in a while, I think eventually we would be labelled sociopathic!!! :)

Glowby said...

This struck a note with me that hit very hard. Beautiful!

b said...

This hit home in so many ways. Well done. Yes, it is a song waiting to happen. Sing on!!


Marja said...

Very powerful Dana Something we all recognise I think.

Tumblewords: said...

A lovely piece - it does sing with rhythm and perfect words!

Heliotropism said...

A beautiful piece and description of what shame does to a person. How it manifests.

paulwchambers said...

there's a lot of them out there....

Awareness said...

glowby... i believe we all have felt like a fallen angel at some point in our lives. i'm pleased it resonated with you.

b... I have someone in mind who I think may be able to put a tune to it. her singing voice is the one i hear in my head. she's only 14 and sounds a bit like Stevie Nicks.

Marja...thank you. I agree. We can all relate. Shame knows no boundaries.

Sue... good to see you again. It's been a while since I attempted the Sunday Scribbling prompt. This one was to delicious to pass up!

Helio... welcome. thank you. when i try to write something pertaining to a specific feeling, i physically try to conjure it up inside myself. More often than not, an idea a story or an incident comes to mind. It's like it guides me visually through experiencing it again. This is what happened with this piece.

Paul... littering the streets, like the golden leaves all around us. I wonder if there are as many fallen angels with ashened wings as there are falling leaves? May we recognize them all as beautiful human beings in need of love and affirmation.

theMuddledMarketPlace said...

kicking leaves during autumn will continue to remind me of this poem


quin browne said...

been there.

sobbed that.

gs batty said...

nice work....what else can I say...I applaud your poetry

Remiman said...

Strong stuff here. When a poem drives straight through the heart with a sadness and shame so powerful as to bring tears to the reader's eye, should he thank the poet?
I think so; sorrow expressed makes possible resolution.
Thank you.

linda may said...

I love this, you are such a good writer.Very well done piece.Ta.

Dee Martin said...

I love love love your take on this. The line - wings dipped in ashes and shame is grace turned inside out - oh my....

Awareness said...

mmp...fallen angels every one. :)

quin.... nothing worse than that kick in the gut rejection..... when you were expecting so much more eh?

gs... thank you. :)

remiman... sorrow expressed makes possible resolution. i like that. may resolution be within reach.

Awareness said...

Wow! I'm chuffed by these comments on this piece.... thank you. A wonderful boost when my writing confidence was waning.

Linda... thank you.

Dee Dee.... the two lines which popped out at me as well. I smiled when they appeared in my head and GRABBED them as soon as the words floated by.

Jennifer Hicks said...

how beautiful. the emotion was vivid and thanks for bringing me on that savoury ride....

Gel said...

Appearance is not the way to forge relationships. You honed this here using the fictional reason and showing how its deception brought her shame. "angel wings dipped in ashes."
Splendid poem, terrifically expressed!
I'm glad I found you through Sun. Scribs.

Americanising Desi said...

you have excelled the prompt!

Shame on me