At what moment is trust born?
We nuture it into our babies as we provide them with safe secure unconditional love.
We teach them through our unrelenting loving care what trust feels like.
We seek it out from the adults and caregivers in our lives as children growing,
knowing inherently how much it's needed as the fertilizer of our well being,
knowing deep in our gut when it's missing..........
when trust abounds we feel
loved
confident
assured
capable of trusting
capable of sharing trust
capable of opening up to be loved
capable of feeling the naked vulnerability of sharing love.
when it is lacking.........we feel
unsure
confused
unable to read relationships well
unable to open up to others in a healthy way.
we feel hurt......untrusting of all around.
second guessing others actions always.
Full of conspiracy thoughts....
"they must want something from me........they are lying........they are mean spirited.....there is no goodness........the world is full of fakers............
"I'm not fooled"
"I trust no one...............no one can hurt me again. Fuck them all."
When trust has never been felt
we feel unloved
unwashed
vulnerably naked
wrapped in a ripped sheet made of pain.
When trust has been violated
we feel deep gashes of ugly.
Jean Vanier writes,
"Communion is mutual trust, mutual belonging; it is the to-and-fro movement of love between two people where each one gives and each one receives..........."
"Trust is a beautiful form of love. When we are generous, we give money time and knowledge. In trust, we give ourselves. But we can only give of ourselves if we trust that we will be well-received by someone."
Trust is a double edged sword isn't it? In order to give and receive it, one has to choose to enter into a "communion" with another thereby opening up ourselves to feeling vulnerable. Sometimes it's a beautiful thing. Sometimes we experience a sense of woundedness. Deep gashes.......
Gashes do heal............we are left with some scars, but it doesn't mean we can't try again. Scars can add lustre to our individual identities, as well as reminders of hurt.
So, when do you know when to take a step closer to the precipice........to communicate to someone.......here is my trust........I am open to accepting your trust? And when you do decide to do that, when do you know when trust has turned to a sense of communion?
At what moment is trust born?
When conspiracy-like fear evaporates and is replaced by a smiling hand held out.
No strings attached.
ps.......here's the secret........it can happen for the first time even if we are adults. It starts with sharing a secret about yourself.
6 comments:
Some very provocative ideas and questions in this post. Trust is everything you stated (and the lack of as well) ... trust is as complicated as the nature of humanity. Much peace & love, JP
trust is such a "close to my heart" word....it is not a word I use lightly. I can't explain it but its the most important word trust is love, love is trust...does that make sense?
hey deb......trust is a complicated thing, and could've written a whole lot more about it. I was thinking today (and you can probably relate given the work you do too) about the people whom I meet with. They are often so trusting in such a short period of time, but in such a needy way because they have either been burned badly by others, or for a million other reasons. their vulnerable yearning to be loved clouds their actions....when they should be a little more tentative to opening up, they just simply can't hold back. Childlike perhaps, because they never received it then.
Tay......you make perfect sense to me. It isn't used by me lightly either, and I guess it's because of the nature of trusting. We really are sending a message.....
"here i am....please accept me for who I am......and I will be open to you." there is a fear involved in taking this step because there is always a little voice inside saying........"what if they don't like or accept what I have to offer, what if they dismiss who I am.....then I have nothing else to give."
It can be such a risk. And we all know how sickeningly awful we feel when we are rejected.
Trust is a huge thing to me. Sometimes I think I give it too easily - sometimes I think I hold back. The key is abandonment and how scared I am of it at any particular moment. At the moment I am terrified of it and so in real life I am giving very little trust to anyone. Here online it seems so much easier to trust, even though I know from past experiences trusting online can cause just as much hurt as it can in real life.
As you suggest, trusting brings so much benefit. Unfortunately it also brings the potential for so much pain.
Very intriguing post; trust can be difficult to achieve, but once it's broken, nearly impossible to rebuild. But you're so right, it really matters in relationships.
Caroline....I guess it comes down to making calculated risks perhaps? For the most part, I've been lucky with whom I have been openly trusting of as it has been reciprocated. However, I have recently experienced a situation where I have felt torched emotionally. It happens....and it hurts, but I still want to continue to stick my neck out...maybe a little more tentatively than before....
I understand where you're coming from.
I also think you bring up an interesting point.....about online trust. There is an ease to it. I am aware of this phenom, and still take risks, but it makes me more cognizant of paying attention to what is happening when my children are online. If I find trusting easier online, they must as well.
Tara.....you're right. It's a rare snowy day in hell when full trust can be regained. It would take A LOT of work, sweat and tears from both parties to even make an attempt at regaining.
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