bunched up belongingFor a while, I have been sideswiped by different thoughts and feelings about the the meaning behind "sense of belonging," which have been driven out into the open through the life events in and around me. My questions and observations continue to feed my reflections, continue to add to my understanding of what it really means. Personal insights......where I fit and why.....where I want to fit and why... where I don't fit and why....... have filtered out as well. Though I'm left with a market basket brimming with thoughts, I want to try to encapsulate some of them.
What is belonging? Is it crucial to feel like you belong or can you live without it?
Is it a place where you can feel a sense of security, a sense of self? I think so.
Belonging is the life affirming glue which pulls together communities, teams, families, groups, congregations.
If I was to describe who I was, I would most likely use labels which identify my personal connections......all of which point to where I belong.
Wife, Mom, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Counsellor, Teacher, Colleague, Neighbour, Gospel singer, Tri-athlete, Gum chewer.......... they all point to a sense of belonging........hey, even Blogger!
OK.......I'm not a tri-athlete nor am I a gum chewer............well I am a gum chewer who doesn't sing in a gospel choir.
But then.......these labels don't even scratch the surface do they? They don't explain the roots and nuances of the relationships which would impact yours and my own understanding of significance. PLUS.......I can't be any of those things or play any of those roles successfully or effectively if I didn't have a comfortable core of me as a human being.
A human being clarifying her faith. We are human beings learning to live our faith. Now, that's a thought....
Belonging is where one emotionally and spiritually feels at home......
a place where we have the confidence to test out new waters,
to stretch in new directions,
to be able to let out big sighs,
deep cries,
loud whys.
a place where we learn
to connect
or to disconnect with others
and then reconnect again.
It is a place where we can safely learn how to deal with and resolve conflict
Belonging is where we learn what love feels like.
It is where trust is born.
It is where we can look around and say to ourselves..........
"Yes......WE fit."
A couple of weeks ago, I sat in a boardroom surrounded by a group of people whom I've shared much with and they with me. There was an unspoken bond shining through smiling eyes as we shared lunch. It felt right. Like the others, I felt the right fit. I could be myself........let my hair down so to speak. A combination of the right chemistry and years of accumulated shared experiences have allowed the belonging glue to work it's magic.
Last week, different boardroom and different individuals where we had come together to celebrate a co-worker's pending retirement. There was a completely different feeling to the chemistry......a kind of repellent instead of an attraction. Though many of these people have worked together for many years, I didn't get the sense of belonging emanating from the others.
Personally, I felt like I had intruded. I certainly didn't want to stay long, and I had no antecdotes to add to the punch. But then again.......NO ONE did. How strange. It seemed awkwardly dysfunctional, and I think it stemmed from a complete lack of cohesion which happens if there is no sense of belonging. With no sense of security, people kept their guards up. I was in the majority who held back the urge to bolt.
So...........how does one create a work environment which will nurture a sense of belonging? Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. The chemistry isn't there. You see that with sports teams. Your team could have the very best, most remarkable set of individuals dressed in the same jersey, but if things don't gel, the team will be cellar bound.
However, if the team has a few leaders who have the right chemistry to encourage openness and the desire to understand one another, the same drive, philosophy and approach to the game......IF they are willing to learn, share, teach, and be patient with a new team player who is just getting their footing..........they may not have be the hardest hitters or the best runners, or the ones with the golden gloves.........but they will find themselves in the World Series...........or the World Cup, or the Stanley Cup.....or, or, or........ You always hear the words in the championship player's interviewers include........we ALL worked together....it took the whole team to believe in ourselves etc.......indications that there was an enormously keen sense of belonging.
Too bad we can't bottle its essence.
Maybe sense of belonging is simply a level playing field where everyone has a role to play, and where each role is connectedly interwoven with another role. Where one individual comfortably can rely on another to support and encourage......where there is trust to reciprocate this.
Kinda like the whole Body of Christ thing. Gee, if we could get that one working, we'd win every Cup, now wouldn't we? Hmmmmmmmm, that's a good goal for an enthusiastic group of human beings with many far reaching talents to strive for. How wonderful it would be to drink champagne from that Cup.......or perhaps we could fill it with delectable Cointreau? :)
What is belonging? Is it crucial to feel like you belong or can you live without it?
Is it a place where you can feel a sense of security, a sense of self? I think so.
Belonging is the life affirming glue which pulls together communities, teams, families, groups, congregations.
If I was to describe who I was, I would most likely use labels which identify my personal connections......all of which point to where I belong.
Wife, Mom, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Counsellor, Teacher, Colleague, Neighbour, Gospel singer, Tri-athlete, Gum chewer.......... they all point to a sense of belonging........hey, even Blogger!
OK.......I'm not a tri-athlete nor am I a gum chewer............well I am a gum chewer who doesn't sing in a gospel choir.
But then.......these labels don't even scratch the surface do they? They don't explain the roots and nuances of the relationships which would impact yours and my own understanding of significance. PLUS.......I can't be any of those things or play any of those roles successfully or effectively if I didn't have a comfortable core of me as a human being.
A human being clarifying her faith. We are human beings learning to live our faith. Now, that's a thought....
Belonging is where one emotionally and spiritually feels at home......
a place where we have the confidence to test out new waters,
to stretch in new directions,
to be able to let out big sighs,
deep cries,
loud whys.
a place where we learn
to connect
or to disconnect with others
and then reconnect again.
It is a place where we can safely learn how to deal with and resolve conflict
Belonging is where we learn what love feels like.
It is where trust is born.
It is where we can look around and say to ourselves..........
"Yes......WE fit."
A couple of weeks ago, I sat in a boardroom surrounded by a group of people whom I've shared much with and they with me. There was an unspoken bond shining through smiling eyes as we shared lunch. It felt right. Like the others, I felt the right fit. I could be myself........let my hair down so to speak. A combination of the right chemistry and years of accumulated shared experiences have allowed the belonging glue to work it's magic.
Last week, different boardroom and different individuals where we had come together to celebrate a co-worker's pending retirement. There was a completely different feeling to the chemistry......a kind of repellent instead of an attraction. Though many of these people have worked together for many years, I didn't get the sense of belonging emanating from the others.
Personally, I felt like I had intruded. I certainly didn't want to stay long, and I had no antecdotes to add to the punch. But then again.......NO ONE did. How strange. It seemed awkwardly dysfunctional, and I think it stemmed from a complete lack of cohesion which happens if there is no sense of belonging. With no sense of security, people kept their guards up. I was in the majority who held back the urge to bolt.
So...........how does one create a work environment which will nurture a sense of belonging? Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. The chemistry isn't there. You see that with sports teams. Your team could have the very best, most remarkable set of individuals dressed in the same jersey, but if things don't gel, the team will be cellar bound.
However, if the team has a few leaders who have the right chemistry to encourage openness and the desire to understand one another, the same drive, philosophy and approach to the game......IF they are willing to learn, share, teach, and be patient with a new team player who is just getting their footing..........they may not have be the hardest hitters or the best runners, or the ones with the golden gloves.........but they will find themselves in the World Series...........or the World Cup, or the Stanley Cup.....or, or, or........ You always hear the words in the championship player's interviewers include........we ALL worked together....it took the whole team to believe in ourselves etc.......indications that there was an enormously keen sense of belonging.
Too bad we can't bottle its essence.
Maybe sense of belonging is simply a level playing field where everyone has a role to play, and where each role is connectedly interwoven with another role. Where one individual comfortably can rely on another to support and encourage......where there is trust to reciprocate this.
Kinda like the whole Body of Christ thing. Gee, if we could get that one working, we'd win every Cup, now wouldn't we? Hmmmmmmmm, that's a good goal for an enthusiastic group of human beings with many far reaching talents to strive for. How wonderful it would be to drink champagne from that Cup.......or perhaps we could fill it with delectable Cointreau? :)
2 comments:
There are so many levels of belonging in this world. I've noticed as of late, if you belong in certain - seperate - aspects of your life, and those aspects start to overlap, that sense of belonging can be shattered. Is it fear of change? I don't know. Maybe it's a gut feeling that something is not quite right....
Being the social animals that we are, we need the sense of belonging as much as we need our solitude. It shows that we depend on one another, even if we need to go to the corner to personally regroup from time to time.
Nobody likes to be the new kid on the block, and acceptance is important to us as humans. The personal growth that comes out of the experience of being accepted is golden if we manage to temper opinions and keep an open mind. Not always an easy task to keep it all together and stay true to ourselves.... but peer pressure and labels have their own sense of security at times.
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