Almost Heaven.........

"All endings are beginnings.

We just don't know it at the time......"

Mitch Ablom, Five People You Meet in Heaven.

Sitting on top of a pile of books left behind by others who had stayed in the cottage we occupied for a couple of days was one I had thought about reading in the past but never got around to it. It's one of the things I love about cottages. They are filled with reading material (or should be) which may be different from the assortment found on your own shelves and side tables at home. Old magazines with cover stories that have come and gone, travel guides, classics and murder mysteries familiar to a reader's eye are haphazardly piled together. The thing in common is that for the most part they were used as a method of escape or a way to slide into vacation mode. Why were they left behind if that was not the case? Wouldn't the owner take it home with them if it held meaning to them to place on their bookshelf with the others?

Sometimes, (though when I think about it, this seems to have happened to me more than sometimes) you find a timely more meaningful little nugget left behind. Initially, you pick it up thinking it will simply be entertainment only to realize it has a lingering effect. The message from the story stays with you. The character slips under your skin. And you quickly realize your perceptions may have been nudged in a slightly different direction than you had anticipated.



And you wonder........hmmmm.........why was that particular book left behind? Who also held it in their hands? Did the story leave a lasting impression with them too and they wanted to allow it to weave it's magic for someone else, or was it simply a toss away? Have I just noticed it amongst the others and have allowed it to float to the top of the pile because of where my own head is at right now? Would I have picked up the Maeve Binchy book first had I not already read it? Probably........ Good thing I had already read all of Maeve's books. Out of the dozen or so sitting in the pile which I had never read, I chose the right one. Or it chose me......



It chose me.........and for a few hours I found myself immersed in the recent afterlife of a guy named Eddie, a man who had struggled all his life with his bitterness of leading a life he never anticipated. Like many of us, he felt like he had no control over how his time on earth unfolded. Circumstances, obligations and events took precedence, washing over personal aspirations, creating a tug of war between wants and what really happens. Big unmet goals which would have taken him down a very different path fueled Eddie's anger. Instead, his life seemed completely unfulfilled in his mind......until he died and was given an opportunity to learn that ordinary has great meaning.



Ordinary is not how we seem to define it because we all have a life with purpose. Our "ordinary lives" are blessed by the journeys and destinations we travel to and from and by the people we have an opportunity to walk with along the way. It may not seem so blessed while we plough our fields and tend to our daily routines.....while we struggle with hardships and frustrations.....while we encounter painful times which can be blinding, so much so that we can't see any purpose or any reason for why things happen the way they do. In fact, it may not be visible to us while we are right in the middle of living....to many distractions and too many times we allow ourselves to be swallowed up by regrets and a sense of unfairness. And yet.................perhaps we are given a glimpse of what it all meant as we journey to Heaven. That is the premise of this little gem of a book.


Five People You Meet in Heaven was the story of Eddie's journey to understanding that what we perceive as ordinary has many layers of extra. Not only is there a sense of interconnectiveness, perhaps with people who seem to play peripheral roles in our lives from a surface observation, there may be a much deeper meaning to our average feeling lives. Eddie was given an opportunity to meet five very different people who had passed on before him, who for one reason or another had a message to pass onto him before they were allowed to move onto a full afterlife. Suspended in timelessness, they waited to share a story or two and to offer Eddie a chance to learn how to forgive himself and others........mercy which is only possible when one has been offered new insights.



Who knows what we will find in Heaven, or how it will look and feel like......I certainly don't have a clue, but I like to think that it will be a place "where the streets have no names," where racism and class systems are completely non-existant. Heaven isn't something I dwell on unless I'm asked by one of my children what I think it looks like. But, this story of Eddie gave me a chance to think about it a little more expansively.....so now if I am asked by someone what my thoughts are on Heaven? I will add to my description the hope that it is a place where the people in our lives......the ones we know well, and the ones whom we may cross paths with very quickly will be there to greet me and to share a few insights as to why things happened in my life the way they did. Where "extra" is added to "ordinary."



In the meantime.........

To everything there is a season............and a time for every purpose under Heaven.......



reap and sow........and plant some more.

Gee, I'm glad the book was left behind for someone like me to find........and it sits on top of the cottage pile for the next person to read..........

serenity granted.......but never taken for granted.

Serenity.

Has it become one of those well worn words, or does it still have a purity to it that goes beyond a bath oil essence? We do our very best to market it or bottle it or even sell it in dark alleys. We hang posters of it in our family rooms or offices. We sniff it, spread it, sit in it, injest it. We have turned it into a mission statement for all recovering human beings and yet do most people really know what it means and how it really feels? Gee, I'm sure we've even made porn movies starring someone named Serenity. Condoms? Is there a serenity brand? Probably, along with a dozen or so sex toys all promoting a trip to serenity. I'm not saying that one can't find serenity after a rousing romp of steamy sex, but is that serenity or simply exhaustion after a release of pent up hormones?

Hmmmmm...........good question, Awareness! Anyone have an answer to that one?

Have we mimicked the word too much to save it from the the overused word dumpster? Does it mean anything anymore?

Serenity. It's still one of my most favourite words......though it's not one I use often in my daily life. Probably because serenity and daily life don't seem to merge on a regular basis. But this week, the word kept harmonizing in my head as I tried to strip away the fog of stress. It was like a mantra replaying over and over in my thinking.....was I trying too hard? I don't think so, because there were several times which I tried to ignore it's tune. As much as I wanted to feel serene, I didn't want it to be forced.

Calm cool quiescence........the warm encompassing feeling as one watches a beautiful summer sunset after a wonderfully charged day. It seems to soak into our pores like a salve or a lotion which moisturizes our parched skin when we've been away from recognizing beauty of the world around us. After our long winters, one amazing sunset can realign our universe and leave us understanding serenity more deeply....and longing for more.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change......and to recognize that peace can be everlasting.

God grant me the courage and wisdom to know the difference of what I can and cannot change.

Though it can't be forced, serenity is really all around us if we just take the time to slip into it's magical soft scented powers every once in a while. It may mean a soak in a tub filled with aromatic essences, or an early morning wake up to be alone with your thoughts, or an intimate candlelit moment of lovemaking. It may be the feeling one attains after a completing a mid morning jog, or sitting down on a train heading home after a long day of interacting joyfully with a group of enthusiastic learners..........our serenities are as unique as our thumbprints. But, the feeling is always the same. It is a peaceful centred existence when all of a sudden we can honestly say.....

All is right in the world. All is right with the world....if only for a moment.

A walk down to the shore, Maximeville, PEI.

A few candids, Prince Edward Island

I'm back! Refreshed and right full of frosty flavourful ideas......in fact I made a concerted attempt to capture one big idea this morning. Two hours and almost ready to click on the publish button and POOF! The whole post evaporated...........like a bubble. Gone!! So, instead, I bring you a few photos while I search for those elusive words again..........

friends and family on the island...............let the wine and song commence........



Bocci at dusk.

I hear they are considering this sport for Beijing. Of course it would include balancing a beer in one hand while throwing with aplomb with the other. It's only right.

brothers and best friends

These two wily guys meet up only once or twice a year. I love this picture because normally they are actively moving about. Here, they are sharing a chat while docking their paddle boat.

"Shining Waters" roller coaster.......it was a little gaffer, so the fear wasn't on the steep incline. Rather it was on whether or not the thing was going to fall apart! Yes, I think I caught the best faces of my brood. The highlight of the day were the water slides. Unfortunately, I took part and wasn't able to take pics at the same time. They were a BLAST!


Storms at the end of the day.........this one marched in much to our viewing pleasure. And then...............................



the storm left as quickly as it arrived....... leaving a beautiful sunset..........
Watched by a beautiful daughter.

More to come......

We're just getting started.....

pebbles in our pockets....

At the edge, watching the tide inch away

Do you see the heart shaped pebble?

Remember when you went to the beach when you were little? If you had pockets of your own, you would stuff them with little bits of treasures found in between the larger rocks and driftwood. If not, you passed them onto your Mom or Dad for safe keeping.

A smoothly rounded piece of blue or green glass, a tiny shell, a piece of dried kelp.......a pebble with your favourite colour streaked right through it. Flotsam scraps of colourful rope or twine always catches the eye as does a dried up baby crab bleached by the sun. Driftwood shaped like a slingshot or a fish .... the knothole looked like an eye. Tiny flowers which grew between the tall grass and the shore.....yellows and purples of late summer were there for the picking.

The perfect skipping stone....round and flat which fits perfectly between your thumb and forefinger.

Remember when you were at the beach when you were little? It didn't matter how cold the water was or whether or not your were wearing your bathing suit, you ended up getting soaking wet being chased by the waves. And the birds would skitter along with you. Seagulls flying up above circling while looking for tasty fish.

Remember taking a handfull of pebbles and throwing them into the water.....plink, plink, plinkplinkplinkplinkplink all at once....sounding like the hanging chime at home when the wind conducted it's symphony......plinkplinkplink........

And as the tide receded.......more treasures would be revealed, new sandbars would emerge and the adventure would expand.......into the sun warmed pools left behind along with creatures...oh, the creatures....jellyfish, hermit crabs and tiny little fish trying to find their way.

The pails are packed for the annual sand castle competition for kids of all ages, as are the bocci balls for the tourney on the sandbars. Oh, and a new kite!! Prince Edward Island here we come. It'll be good to be a kid again.

I'll be back next week................take care.

ps. I submitted a few pieces of writing for consideration (CanadaEast website I mentioned last week). I couldn't decide on just one, so as I have been known to do, I bent the rules a bit. Tay? I did send them the piece I wrote on Sabahat. Thank you for reminding me. And if anyone would like to read it, here is the link. Sabahat was a true guardian angel in my life.

The House on the Hill

This is the veranda I most long to spend my summer afternoons

Unfortunately, it is the veranda I may never be able to enjoy again.

It wasn't supposed to be that way.

There are some topics which spin out in all different directions........so much so that it's difficult to pin down a spot to begin. It's like a big ball of wool made from collected bits of yarn tied and rolled up.......or the thousand tied threads found on the back of a tapestry. Each piece of yarn, or each thread is a story in itself, but more fully understood if one could find a way to knit the wool into one warm sweater or turn the tapestry around to capture the true design.

One of the more complicated, emotionally charged and yet fascinating topics in my knitting basket is set in a place called Spencer's Island. Just writing down the name of the village conjures up......oh perhaps a trilogy, a couple of scripts, several eulogies (some I have made an attempt to write), and a host of celebrations worth of writing. Amazing, considering the place probably has a population of 50 in the dead of winter and 90 when the summer people are in full attendance. Considering the majority are related in some strange ancestral formulation, the numbers expand exponentially to spin out in all directions. The real numbers of people living there mean nothing when put beside the multitude of stories found in the air in Spencer's Island. It's tapestry is richly woven from 8 generations.

My children are the 8th generation to call Spencer's Island their own. My husband and his siblings are the 7th. My mother in law and her siblings were the 6th. And after 25 years of soaking in the stories and of being a part of many more recent ones, my personal ties to this place are deeply felt.

Perhaps this is why this topic is so difficult to write about. My feelings sit on the outside of my skin, more so right now than at any other time and sometimes words don't do justice to raw emotion.

The house in the photo is the home my mother in law grew up in. It was left to her when her parents passed away and continued to spend her summers sleeping in her childhood bedroom surrounded by memories. Some of the same people whom she grew up with also returned every summer to their childhood homes. They grew up and grew older together creating new layers to the history as did their children who have also grown up there every summer and who share it with their children. It makes for a multi-age community who shared (and continue to) many beach suppers and celebrations. They also shared many secrets and stories from the past.

Bits of yarn accumulating. Colourful threads intertwining........

The land around it........a thousand + acres was left to her brother, Uncle Max to work on. He lived there year round select cutting the forest, cultivating blueberries, making sweet maple syrup, tending to his fish pond stocked with rainbow trout, growing a vegetable garden which he abundantly shared with all of us. He also kept a small patch of the juiciest strawberries, loaded in red goodness to present to me every summer to make jam with and to eat right out of the box. He used to complain in a teasing way how much he hated growing strawberries......a right pain the arse they were, and that I was the only one he'd make the effort for. A bit of a flirt Uncle Max was........I bet he said that to all the ladies who married into this village. He was also a colourful tapestry all on his own and I miss him very much.

SEE!! I had no idea I was going to write a bit there about Uncle Max. The stories are so numerous and so urgently needing to come out that I can easily slip away and spin out in several directions.........I wish I had a whole year free to ramble through them all at a leisurely pace. But, that ain't gonna happen.....so I best take on one nibble at a time......and Uncle Max will one day play a key role in the full story.

OK........back to the house..............it sits empty right now, though will be inhabited in a couple of weeks. The locks were changed last spring by my sister in law who moved into the house two summers ago much to the dismay of her two brothers and admitedly me. Given full power of attorney and now is the executor of her parents wills, she holds the key. She holds many keys. Her actions, fueled by an unrelenting sense of entitlement have been beyond the pale. Her story will one day unfold as well. I may have to label it as fiction, because quite frankly, I don't think anyone would believe me if I claimed it was the truth.

She stopped talking to me around the same time that she moved into the house in Spencer's Island. She stopped talking to her brothers a little bit after that. She started talking crazymaker talk to anyone who would listen about how she is a saint and how her brothers are unreliably bad people who abandoned their parents. None of it is remotely true, but it has been painful and some have believed her conjured up mean lies. Gee, good thing she was left in charge.

SEE!!! Too much to write about................too many spin outs!!

Back to the house.

I love that house. I love the pantry and the morning flow of people who would begin to show up for coffee and breakfast to greet the day. I loved making the coffee and breakfast, putting a fire on in the woodstove, listening to the CBC, snuggling under a blanket on the couch by the woodstove to read BEFORE anyone else would be awake. I loved inviting a brood of folks to share Thanksgiving with us. I loved the lobster feasts and the flow of wine. The fresh catch of halibut or flounder cooked for morning breakfast. I loved the early morning chats I had with my Mother in Law, Mim when she would be staying there in the summers because she was an early riser too. She was the most relaxed at that time of the day. I loved waiting with Mim for Peter Gzowski to return on Labour Day to take on a year of Morningside on the CBC. We both loved his radio charm.

For 25 years, I have spent weekends and sometimes if we were lucky a leisurely week living in the big white house which sits on a hill overlooking the village. Sometimes it was with my extended family and sometimes with just my own small family and good friends who also grew to love the house. Card games, listening to ball games, music, stories, making crafts with the kids, decorating Easter eggs, pulling together wild bouquets of lilacs, taking photos, cooking big meals, and dancing spontaneously......my husband teaching an eager group of kids how to do the train dance to Rat Pack music.......anniversaries, birthdays, and impromptu late night parties........with me orchestrating the kitchen delights. And the laughs!! Lots of laughs shared with our friends.

I learned how to make pastry, how to make raspberry jelly, how to cook lobster, how to sear scallops in wine, how to shuck mussels in that kitchen. Mim taught me.

8 generations have lived on that property which used to house a working barn a big shed, a general store and a big Victorian house which are all now gone. what is left is the big white house on the hill. 4 have lived some portion of their lives in it. And now, it may all be over. It has been left to be split three ways as has the other parts of their estate. How does one split a house in three when there is such unresolved crazymaking animosity? I fear we will have to walk away. I have had this fear for a long time, but now it seems like it's about to come true.

Last weekend, my family and I took a trip down the Parrsboro shore to spend a weekend in Spencer's Island. Staying in the house wasn't an option. The doors are deadbolt locked. We don't have the key. So, we stayed in a wonderful cabin owned by friends (and most likely distantly related cousins) who live on the other hill which overlooks the island out in the bay which the village is named after. We were grateful for their generosity and understanding and we felt surrounded by familiarity. It was good. However, it just wasn't the same.

I took a walk on Saturday with my daughter, named after an older friend who spent many summers in her own home on the beach (lots of great stories about her too!!) , and we found ourselves heading up the driveway of the house. It stood there looking a little worse for wear, void of cheer, and longing for it. And after we walked all around the property, feeling a pull to gaze at the house, longing to step up onto the veranda and through the front door, we quietly turned around and walked back down the driveway. My head was spinning the yarn remembering the first time we brought her down to introduce her to her ancestry. I could see she too was lost in her thoughts.

It's only a place? It's only a place. No, it's more than a place. And soon I will begin to knit that warm sweater with all of the yarn collected over the years to wrap around this special place. Perhaps I have already begun. My memories and my words will be all that is left. It makes me tearfully sad.

Two generations walking down the "other hill" with a view of Spencer's Island. The tide has just turned and will recede almost a 1/4 of a mile, as it does day in and day out as our lives flow forward.

The lost steps which used to lead to the big Victorian house. I can hear their long ago footsteps heading down to the beach and wharf.

"Blue has never looked more like herself."

And the bluebells are singing, "hope is coming out"

Lyrics shared with me from a friend.

They added to the grace notes I found in the garden.

Trust that you can find beauty anywhere.

It may even be a signpost you have walked by many times before

and simply never noticed it.

Until now.

Seeking some direction

Pensive Lily cooling off,

reflecting on the day,

searching for her stick,

and watching a seagull.

And who said dogs can't multi-task?

Of course, she has her back to the sunset.

She can multi-task, but she's not always that bright.

Yesterday, I received this email...........

Thank you for submitting your ideas and concepts for Blogs to CanadaEast.com If you are receiving this email, you have been selected as a possible Blogger on our site.

The next step in this process is to submit a sample blog entry for our review. Simply write up a sample of what one of your blog entries might look like. We’re looking for writing ability, an understanding of the topic, humour, etc.

In addition please answer the below questions:

Proposed Blog Name:
Planned Update Frequency (daily, weekly, etc.):
City of Residence:
Topics to be Covered (politics, religion, entertainment, sports, arts, parenting, etc.):

Also, for your information, CanadaEast will be providing the platform and tools to publish you blog along with an existing audience (thousands of Atlantic Canadians every day). You will not be compensated monetarily for your blog initially. I say initially because if your blog can generate a certain traffic of its own, we would be willing to begin paying bloggers as freelance writers. Your blog’s traffic will be monitored on a monthly basis and if it can sustain a certain number of page views over a 3 month period, you will be moved up to a paid blogger position.

Wow! My first day home in search of meaning ......... and I receive this lovely invite. I had whipped off a quick application online over a month ago and then forgot about it. Turns out, these folks may be interested in posting some of my musings. CanadaEast is the website for all of the newsprint journals in the Maritimes. So, the readership is potentially big. I'm thrilled!! Who knows where this could lead?? And, I'm SO ready for a new journey......



The topics to be covered are broad, as they are on this blog. And this is where I am asking for some help from you crazy cats who read this.

Is there a particular piece you liked that I should consider submitting?

Is there a topic I have written about you think I've covered well, or have provided a fresh perspective?

What angle should I approach this from?

Any ideas for a blog name? And no "Mommyblogger" isn't an option. ick.

Any advice.................will be warmly received. AND if you aren't a blogger and can't leave a comment on my blog, please send me an email. You can find my address through my profile on the sidebar.

It is because of the comments and encouragement I have received that I have found my confidence and my writing voice to step out there and I thank you, thank you, thank you. I really do want your feedback to help me plan this out.

We're off to Nova Scotia today............mmmmmmmmmm salty breezes await, as do good eats and tasty libations.

Enjoy your weekend..........I look forward to reading your comments.

Don't know who lives here, but words out she's one sexy little number.

don't let it pass you by............

The sky is the daily bread of the eyes

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't fill my head with the logic and science behind the phenomenon.

Let me bask in it's glow.

Let me shake my head in wonder.
Let me sit quietly and take it all in with my own senses.
Let me accept it as a miracle of life.



Tell me about the myths.
Share a bit of folklore.
Talk with me about mystery
The mystery of it's very existance.
And you will fuel my belief in God



A bright blue sky as far as the eye can see
A perfectly spun web covered in morning drops
A 12 foot high sunflower which started from a seed I held in my hand


Flickering stars on a summer night blending into one another
the milky way as far as your imagination can take you
Fork Lightening filling the sky with it's wrath
Cotton soft cumulus clouds floating in the wind


Cascading waterfalls
Autumn colours
A glowing orange harvest moon rising above the river



An intricately designed beaver dam
Robin's egg blue
A perfectly arching rainbow slipping through a cloud
A hummingbird stopping to sip the sugary sweet from the feeder

Dawn
Dew
Midnight blue


An intricate snowflake
A busy little ant carrying a crumb larger than it's own body
Tides rolling in and out every single day

WE don't need to search for a natural phenomenon. They grace our personal worlds everyday. We are usually too busy or preoccupied to notice.......to acknowledge them. But they are there, for us to receive in awe.........to recognize how fortunate we are to play a part. We are the scribes who have the capacity to record and to rejoice in their creation. We are the lucky ones.

This morning as I sat outside on my back deck to quietly drink my tea, I watched a "flurious" hummingbird zippity by towards the feeder hanging on the eaves next door. It zoomed in close enough to dip it's beek into the shallow dish for a taste. It was so quick.....zip in.........zip out........always fluriously fluttering it's tiny blurry looking wings. Phenomenal.

Tonight, I headed down to the river and then up to Springhill Road near my home to enjoy the show....... and as I took a few photos of the sun spreading the last of it's light onto the water, a thought struck me. When we awaken to the realization that we are sensing a phenomenon, our voices turn to whisper. It's like if we acknowledge it too loudly, we'll scare it away.




The "phenomenal" prompt is courtesy of Sunday Scribblings..........a wee bit early. Check out their site for more phenomenal posts.

Now, it's your turn.........have you seen or heard or felt or experienced a phenomenon lately?

hungry heart

Wilmot United Church, downtown Fredericton

front facade

"We hunger to be known and understood. We hunger to be loved. We hunger to be at peace inside our own skins. We hunger not just to be fed these things but, often without realizing it, we hunger to feed others these things because they too are starving for them. We hunger not just to be loved but to love, not just to be forgiven but to forgive, not just to be known and understood for all the good times and bad times that for better for worse have made us who we are, but to know and understand each other to the same point of seeing that, in the last analysis, we all have the same good times, the same bad times, and that for that very reason there is no such thing in all the world as anyone who is really a stranger."

Frederick Buechner

And to think we all consider ourselves so unique!! Of course we do have our own unique handprint we can offer to the world. We all have a different combination of personality traits, of interests, likes and dislikes. Separately we have our individual desires. We make different choices and we react differently to situations. What we share is a hunger.....to give, to receive, to connect and to belong. No matter where you live, how you are brought up, what you look like, how old you are...........we all share a hunger. And that's why no one is a stranger. I love this quote!! Thank you to the "people" especially Dustin at Imaginations in Unity for originally posting it. :)

Wilmot United, side facade.

Don't you love the blue? One day, I'll take some photos of the inside because it has been handpainted by a famous Canadian artist, Alex Colville. It's very unique. It's also a friendly place to find yourself on a Sunday morning.

random reflections

Tonight, I feel smothered by random thoughts requesting time for small reflections. It was a busy day, one where I had to focus on a list of to dos and not just on one larger task. I guess that's why I'm left with small reflections. So, I will start by identifying five words to describe how I feel at this point in my life.......will call them Pipwords because I have borrowed this idea from my emerald friend in Londontown (Pip, hope you're not too soggy from all the rain)

Spent

Grateful

Dumbfounded

Hot

Content

Spent.......I have revved it up at work as much as I can, though I know I'm not working on all cynlinders. Personally I'm fine with that. It makes sense that I'm not able to do this. My ongoing head butting over trying to find my way, trying to find direction in my job continues, as does my disdain for the powers that be. I'm feeling spent due to this and due to the fact that I'm working straight out in order to walk away from that stressful environment for the rest of the summer. I'm spent by life events. I'm spent because I havent had a good night sleep, where I am not ke pt awake thinking and reflecting and thinking in ages. By the end of the week however, I will be home until school begins again in September........to recharge, evaluate, and to begin to back in shape. So, spent is good. It tells me I'm doing the right thing.

Grateful......for so many things. Right now, I'm grateful that know I have a say in my own destiny and I am taking charge of that. Grateful that I am well aware of what is important in my life and some of what needs to change. Grateful that I have the ability to take new steps and that the confidence to take them will emerge more fully when I have time to clear my head to plan it out. Grateful that I have the opportunity to take the time away from my office. Grateful that I'm not Lindsay Lohan.

Dumbfounded.....OK.......I'm dumbfounded as to why boys and men want to wear their pants like they are about to slide right off their uncovered asses. I found myself walking behind this 20 something slacker guy today. His belt was floating somewhere above his thighs and just below his untucked shirt. I was convinced that I was going to voyeuristically watch his jeans slip down to his ankles as he walked down a busy street. It never happened. He somehow managed to continue walking in a way that they stayed right there. How can that be?

Hot.....no not that kind of hot. I'm hot. Summer is finally here and my core temperature is making me feel hot from the inside out. I'm tempted to phone my friend to see if she would let me jump into her pool for a midnight swim. If I don't cool my feet down soon, I fear they will catch on fire. I hate that feeling.

Content. Today was the most productive day I've had in a long time. I connected with many people, and felt so good about helping a few resolve some of their stuff. I'm content that my to do list is getting smaller so that I can begin to look at my to do list at home. Most importantly, I'm content with this evening's results of the Blue Jays game. WE won again!

I'm off to go find a pool or at least a sprinkler to run through...........

I look forward to a month of deep breath reflections and a chance to take a look in my attic where I have stored up a few ideas..........ones that I just may have time to chase after.

How are you feeling?

what more can be said?

all front doors should be painted yellow....

they are the most welcoming

What more can be said about friendship that hasn't already been stated? It seems like a saturated topic doesn't it? Consequently, I struggle to find my own unique words to capture the essence of how I would describe what it means to me. Like many topics I tend to write about, I find my writing muse pre-occupied with it and until I can encapsulate at least a draft of my thinking it will stick in my craw until I do something about it. This muse of mine seems to go hand in hand with whatever I may be experiencing..........a kind of in the moment written rendition.........reflections of my life. It's how I've let my writing flow out of me......one thought, one theme at a time.......

so, here i sit wondering about friendship..........think I'll just turn on the word tap and see where this leads me............and quit thinking about finding something uniquely creative to package it in.

Last night 6 of us enjoyed dinner together. Our children, 5 in total, who have known one another since they were babies could be heard downstairs laughing and carrying on. It has been a whole year since the 11 of us were all under one roof and within moments of our reunion, we have found our way again. Uncomfortable pregnant pauses don't happen with this crew even though one of the families lives two provinces away and only head home to the Maritimes once a year. It's a natural comfort zone we all feel. It never fails. The conversation jumps and hops and slides around various topics, some of which we all take part in and some which naturally lend to pairing up to share. We all comment on how wonderful and magical it is..........both for ourselves and for our children who obviously enjoy each other's company as much as we do.

Much has taken place, and never enough time to fully catch up. So, we swayed from throwing out hilarious stories of times shared in the past to the deeply felt experiences we as individuals had since we last met up. Though it was one short evening, we will all converge in a couple of weeks on a beach on Prince Edward Island to simply hang out.......unplugged, unwired, away from phones and televisions.....escape. A much needed escape, especially this year.

My life of late has been a long lesson of managing upheaval, as has my immediate family's. The death of my in laws last month, though emotionally mindnumbing all on it's own is only a part of the story because we have lived for a very long time waiting and listening and dealing with one crisis after another because of their illnesses and needs. I don't know whether it would've been different had we lived in the same town or province.......if things could've been handled differently. Somehow I doubt it. Plus living away from it all offered us the reprieve needed to somehow cope with the complicated relationships involved in the drama. And, the drama isn't over yet. Soon, but not yet.

I have struggled with my feelings about it all. It doesn't matter what the feeling, it's been intense. Grief, anger, frustration, outright indignation, sadness, confusion, fatigue.......and hope. Hope that our lives will soon be our own. It seems like such a selfish thing to write, but if I am honest, I have to admit that the feeling of freedom and relief which feeds my hope is well deserved, as is my husband's similar feelings. We've endured this together.

One day, I will write this whole story.....for now? It needs to simmer..........

The friends we shared a lot of wine and song with last night know the story. They've heard it all as it unfolded. It wasn't one we needed to catch up on because they know the details. When they stated last night how much they want to help us escape it all during our vacation, it meant a lot. Sure, we'll talk about it...........feelings will be shared both as a group and one on one over a glass of wine watching the tide roll in and out. It may happen standing in the surf or going for a morning walk. Or it may not happen at all, because they know the stories. What it won't be is the central focus of our time together. The focus will be on the celebration of our 20 year friendships, on sharing our dreams and plans, and on having some silly giggling fun.

Another good friend sent me an email lately about friendship in it was this comment............Love is blind and friendship is clairvoyant. Perhaps it is. Good friends simply know, don't they? When you get to a point in a friendship where words are fully understood and sometimes not needed, where there is a freedom to share feelings and it's acceptable, when you know you matter......you know that this friendship is a lifetime one. And what a blessing that is.

bridging the gap....

A daisy in any colour is still a daisy

I wasn't going to post anything today because we are getting ready for company who is arriving any minute. Can't wait to see them!! But, I read a piece by Henri Nouwen this morning which tied so nicely into the post I wrote yesterday. I wanted to share it with you.

Nouwen's inspirational thoughts were published in a daily journal format entitled Bread for the Journey, which I highly recommend. There are so many thought provoking nuggets to ponder over as well as to aspire to. I also find that I am often bowled over by the serendipity of his writing and of his thoughts with where I seem to be in my own head. His beautiful spiritual prose is simplistic yet very meaningful to me. I wish I had met the man.....

Dated July 21rst:

We become neighbours when we are willing to cross the road for one another. There is so much separation and segregation: between black people and white people, between gay people and straight people, between young people and old people, between sick people and healthy people, between prisoners and free people, between Jews and Gentiles, Muslims and Christians, Protestants and Catholics, Greek Catholics and Latin Catholics.

There is a lot of road crossing to do. We are all very busy in our own circles. We have our own people to go to and our own affairs to take care of. But if we could cross the road once in a while and pay attention to what is happening on the other side, we might indeed become neighbours.

Wonderful advice....from a thought-full man

the wicked slight of indifference

In a democracy some are guilty but all are responsible.

The opposite of good is not evil.

The opposite of good is indifference.

Abraham Heschel

It seems to me that we are becoming more and more hardened and weary by the blinders we wear. Though it may be out of sheer survival as we continue to be inundated with the barrage of horrors infiltrating our global village with no end in sight. It's just too overwhelming and too enormous to even know where to begin to search for solutions....war, poverty, hunger, terrorism, abuse, gun violence, gang violence, family violence, dictatorship, child soldiers, child labour, torture.....the list of human driven evil is endless. So, we turn away. We stop reading the newspaper. We turn off the evening news. We rationalize our closed minds by distancing ourselves to the realities that our fellow human beings are facing.

What I don't know won't affect me. What I don't know won't hurt me.

Why havent we learned from even recent world history that this is never the case?

Indifference. "Don't care." "Not interested." "Why bother? I can't do anything about it." "It's not my problem. If they have a problem, why don't they do something about it?" "Nothings stopping them. They made those choices to live there. Let them clean up their own messes." "Let the politicians deal with it. That's why they were elected in the first place." "Did I vote? Why would I bother? They are all criminals anyway. I'm not wasting my time."

"I've got bills to pay. Let someone else donate their money." "I don't watch the news. It's too depressing." "We don't get the newspaper anymore. It's too depressing." Africa? Ah, it'll never change.....I'm so sick of hearing about it. We keeping pouring money and sending them food and they never get over their problems. Why don't they just get over it?" "I can't think about that right now. I'm too busy."

Wow.......I'm sure you've heard these statements or similar ones uttered. They are flipped out into the air so frequently that I'm afraid we as a collective society have begun to believe them. It has led us down a wicked path of indifference as we insultate our individual nests to hide away from responsibility.

Cynicism eats the flesh of our souls. It feeds an "I don't care" attitude. Indifference is the enabler of evil. Just like the buddy who drinks with their alcoholic friend instead of trying to help the friend overcome his addiction, indifferent behaviour is interpreted as consent. Better to stick your head in the sand than to take your turn making a stand?

It's not as black and white as I'm portraying though is it? We may be able to trace this lackadaisical stance to the beginning of time, we are now living in a multi-media ocean of news. It IS too much. It IS mindblowingly awful. We have evolved into a global village where the horrors of Darfur may be a top news story one day only to be shoved off the front page and out of our consciousness by a terrorist attack in Glasgow the next day, followed by bombing in Pakistan, a plane crash in Brazil, and a list of casualities as a result of yet another terror bombing in a village in Iraq. Who can keep up with the conflicts in the Middle East? As much as I try, I am one confused person. And what is completely and utterly lost in the onslaught learning about death and gore and torture? The good.

The good. We dont hear or read enough of it.

The consequence? We tune out just to handle the dooming glooming wicked. Our media thrives because of sensational stories of evil. Though someone must be reading them or watching the news because we are the ones who obviously perpetuate this and expect it, the collective "we" remains passive and indifferent. We are informed and indifferent? It's a vicious circle which has left us feeling impotent. Instead of seeking balance, of learning about some of the good things happening in the world, our constant feed of evil has turned into a sense of learned helplessness. Too may bad guys. Too many bad stories has left us bereft of knowing and understanding the goodness. Just like a victim of abuse, we have lost our confidence in doing something about it. Given that the knowledge and understanding of good and bad, of right and wrong is the essence of our moral construct, it leads me to wonder if our society is clinically depressed. Depression manifests itself by exhibiting indifferent behaviour doesn't it?

So, where do we find the balance? How do we dig out of the depression and indifference which seems to have rendered us incapable of reacting? How do we find the motivational drive to overcome apathy?

Desmond Tutu stated, "Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." That's how he started, right? He wasn't born a famous spiritual and political leader. He started by doing a little bit of good. Look where it got him?

Last week, in the midst of the evil driven news stories was one powerfully positive story which floated to the top....the story which actually instigated this long run-on thought. Stephanie Nolen, an author and journalist who writes for the Globe and Mail on topics mostly related to Africa, but in a manner which always brings whatever story she is writing about right into my own cloistered world and makes me think, wrote a wonderful story about a new group of people called the Elders. Did you hear about them? An excerpt............

"The official order of business Wednesday was the introduction of The Elders: convened at the request of Nelson Mandela, a collection of former leaders that has begun to work together to advance the causes of peace and global justice.
Five Nobel Laureates and a handful of other eminences gathered on the stage in Johannesburg as Mr. Mandela announced that they would seek to fulfill the traditional role of elders in a village, providing wisdom and leadership and attempting to resolve conflicts, taking on everything from climate change to the fighting in Darfur.
A symbolic empty chair was left on stage for Aung San Suu Kyi, the activist who will join the group when she is free of government-imposed house arrest in Myanmar (formerly known as Burma). But as the Elders sat in a row and spoke about their very serious work, a current – of irreverence, of resilience, of what looked very much like joy – kept bubbling up through the formality. And Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who chairs this elders' council, voiced the true theme of the gathering: “Goodness will prevail.” here is the link to the rest of the story

Abraham Heschel was right. Indifference is the opposite of good. He learned this as a strong opponent of racism and war, as a man and a religious leader who walked alongside Martin Luther King and who stated that when he was marching against the savagery of racism, his legs were doing his praying. His moral compass fed his action. As ours must do too. A little good at a time and we will overwhelm the world.

We can overwhelm the world.

We need to regard our leaders, the more famous ones as well as the people in our community who are assuming stances and demanding goodness, who can provide us with balance in an imbalanced world, who can motivate and stimulate and generate activity which takes us away from the depression of indifference. Because the more you hear something, and the more you read it............the more you SAY IT OUT LOUD, the more you will believe it.

Goodness will prevail..........has a wonderful ring to it, doesn't it? Let's let our feet and our hearts and our minds and our actions be the prayer.

ps. Wicked is the prompt this week from sunday scribblings......

Who's sitting out front?

We have become a society of back deck dwellers, or so it seems in this part of the society I live in. Our backyards are where we tend to seek refuge from the rest of the world. And that's all fine and good, but I'm wondering what this is doing to the fabric of our neighbourhoods. No one seems to be paying attention to one another. When did this happen? When did we all switch from the front porch to the back deck?

Community is all about connections......ones that may start just by observing one another and saying hello regularly to your neighbours. Sitting on the veranda watching the world go by helps us connect......to feel a part of the neighbourhood.

Knowing who lives on your street........where the kids live and what they are up to......which individuals may be celebrating a milestone or struggling with their health.....what is happening to the young family who just brought home a new baby.......is all part of feeding the foundation of community. And yet, most of us most likely can't even name our neighbours. There are some people on my street who if I passed in the grocery store, I wouldn't recognize because I hardly ever see them. They are in their backyards as I am. During the week, we are off at work. On the weekends, we are busy catching up at home. Heads down, we don't have time to look up to study each other's faces.

I went for a stroll at lunchtime the other day to capture some of the elegance of downtown Frederiction. The verandas and front facades of the beautiful old homes always capture my attention. All unique in their design and decor......

As I was taking these photos to share here, I realized that I never saw one person sitting in a hammock or wicker chair watching the world go by. Not one person. I realize it was the middle of a working day, but c'mon......

It doesn't matter if the front of your home has an elegant veranda space or just a one step stoop onto a city street, its time we made ourselves our morning coffee and headed out front. Even if you don't see anyone else venturing out, you can be sure someone else is paying attention looking out their window.........registering you in their minds.

simple and welcoming......a symbol of an open and supportive community

We just need to see the smiling interactive faces to prove it is.

breathing..........

Yesterday, I sat with a woman in her new living space, out in the middle of nowhere. She and her children moved there on the weekend. They had no choice but to move away from their house.....to seek safety and piece of mind.

The middle of nowhere. Do you know where that is? I do. I've been there many times, in many places, in many spaces. Always feels and is the middle of nowhere. It's between here and there. Somewhere in the woods. Sometimes down the hall in an apartment building of anonymity. In the core of the city. Way out in the country. Tucked away and out of sight, down a dust splaying dirt road. Dead end. Under the radar. Behind the door. No amenities. Away, away. Lost.

Neighbours? Maybe. But, no neighbours who have the capacity to be neighbourly.

Family? Maybe. But, no family members who have the strength and energy to look outwardly.

The middle of nowhere is a deserted place void of healthy community lifelines. That's how it feels because that is what it is.

I initially drove right past the turn off. Though I had travelled this road many many times, I had never noticed the turn off before. Nowhere is invisible when you have another destination. You need directions to get there even if it's a familiar community. So, i found myself backtracking with new eyes searching for a break in the road to indicate a turn off. Eventually, my eyes spotted it and I turned onto an ungraded drive feeling like I had come across a forgotten place which should've been called Despair Drive.

Give us this day our daily bread.........and a little bit more, please.

The buildings, 5 or 6 of them looked neglectfully dilapidated on the outside. Beyond repair, like it was going to eventually collapse into a heap of compost only to be swallowed up by weeds. And a church too. An abandoned little church. Out in the middle of nowhere. Was it a religious community at one point? Who knows? Did God walk away and forget about this place?


Situated as one of a bunch of inhospitable dwellings, their new home fit right in. Hope hadn't visited this cul-de-sac in the middle of nowhere in a while, or so it appeared. A mangy old dog greeted me as I looked around at broken bits rusting in tall grass and dirt paths and thought to myself, "Dear God..... Is this truly the "middle of nowhere? Are you keeping tabs on these people? How can I help this family I'm about to meet?" I had only been provided with minimal facts concerning their plight, enough to know the severity..... bad enough to be asked to make sure they were safe from harm.....bad enough to be asked to follow up promptly. I had to fill in the gaps to prepare my approach and to manage my own reactions.

Counselling in the middle of nowhere expects that of you. Being effective as a counsellor means you have to be open to the journey of discovery but also to be able to protect yourself by preparing as much as you can......judgements and expectations have to put on the back burner, especially when you're trying to make an initial connection. But, your intuitive antennae is never turned off. A balance between being open to whatever happens, responding supportively, and making sure of your own comfort level is assuaged is key. Especially in the middle of nowhere.

As I turned into the driveway to park, I spotted a group of children peaking out at me as they played happily together with the mangy dog. Guess he's a friendly old mange, I thought. Looks can be deceiving. Never judge the facade, I remind myself again.

Beyond the frollicking kids was a garden...a thoughtfully mended garden of daylilies and daisies which seemed to take away from the pockmarked painted homes. And yet, I wondered how deserted this alcove in the middle of nowhere would look like in the dead of winter. Barren and isolated. Coldly bereft. Yesterday, however, the wildflowers and lush landscape in the background allowed the light to shine through the cracks. Hope may not have been visible to the naked eye, but it was definately lurking yesterday. I approached the front door, swinging wide open.....the springs long gone and was greeted by a smiling little urchin dressed in her dress up clothes.......for fun. I told her she looked like a beautiful tulip. Smiling, she twirled for me to show off the magic of her sparkling dress. Her long brown hair, knotted from summer winds lifted up as she swirled around faster. At that, her mom came to the door to invite me in. Big smiles on her as well. This was a family in crisis, I had been told. What I was greeted with were genuine smiles.

I crossed the threshold where I left dilapidation behind, and where I entered into a clean and bright hallway that ushered me into her new living room that was painted a glowing sunny yellow which reflected off the shiny hardwood floors. The windows were propped open with plastic containers filled with magnetic letters for the fridge and multi-coloured building blocks for rainy day towers. Sweet summer breezes scented by wild roses wafted through. Hint of pine. She had already unpacked her family's belongings and managed to turn her kitchen into a functioning place...........no boxes to empty....everything where it should be. She even managed to hang a few decorations. Wow....such efficiency! Such focus and calm! This woman has made big strides in less than a day to turn the living space into a sanctuary.....into a home.

And the light shone brightly in the middle of nowhere, where we sat in a bright yellow living room surrounded by inquisitive kids eating fresh strawberries......the juice colouring their chins a delicious red. When I asked the woman how she was feeling. She looked me right in the eye and simply stated: "I can breathe again. For the first time in 14 years, I can breathe again. It feels like a dream."

She found a calm refuge in the middle of nowhere. Isn't that something? Tonight, I think of her and of the kids and know they are breathing deep breaths of relief. The other stuff they have to contend with? It will happen after they gulp up the fresh air they found in the middle of nowhere.