love

"We are not called by God to do extraordinary things,
but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love. "
Jean Vanier

This is the quote I used to end a workshop I delivered on Saturday morning. I had been asked to facilitate a panel discussion at an annual conference for volunteers who are involved on non profit housing committees in their communities. Many in the audience have actively worked on the committees and have successfully helped others move off the streets, out of rundown rooming houses, away from squalor high rentals into dwellings that were more humane, and had more potential to be turned into a home. My 2 hour workshop was on the topic of "how to deal with challenging behaviour.........."

My role was to be the "host" as well as the warm up act (an small group discussion exercise to get them engaged in the topic ) and the wrap up act for 200 delegates. Amazing! 200 delegates arrived on a Saturday morning at 8 am to hear what I had to say. Little ol' me! So, in between the presentations by the panelists, I pulled and linked their key points by using them as "teachable moments" weaving the session together. At the end, I gave them all a communications "tips" sheet.................and handout of key points to remember when confronted with someone who may not be on their best behaviour! The panelists, three of them, brought with them deep knowledge and stories of their experiences working and running programs for individuals who potentially be challenging...........we covered the gamut...........mental health and addictions were key players.

You know when you feel sharp and focused and ON? Do you know that feeling?? This is where I was on Saturday morning. I had written out my intro..............knew what I wanted to say and then was able to speak from my heart...........away from the podium, "off the cuff," and animatedly. And it worked! I did it! This is basically what I shared................with a few more antecdotal bits added in.............

"Our good fortune is to be an integral part of helping people in our communities regain their footing, to grab onto hope again. The frontlines is my career "home." No matter how far I've roamed to work on various projects and initiatives, I always end up back to the frontlines. It's like I have this BIG elastic band around my waist. I tread away and then BLING, the elastic band flings me back.

I have had the pleasure, frustrations and joy of working primarily in the margins of our community where possibilities dwell. It's a real, harsh, vulnerable, knee scraping, soul scratching, vibrant place that never sleeps.......that is SOAKED in a sense of the scrambling of people trying to fulfill their basic needs. And, I love it. So often I meet someone in their home.........I have travelled all around our region.........into the woods ( :) ), down dirt roads, into rooming houses, rundown apartments, places which I can only say would be labelled as "nowhere".

My role is to help..........to provide information, to teach a bit and I know that I almost always leave their homes feeling like I've learned way more than I have provided. So often after visiting another human being, or meeting with them in my office I am left with this overwhelming sense of humility because i know I may have been the first person to hear their story from beginning to the present..........to have been the one to hear it and to know the person was comfortable enough to share it with me is an honour.

Over the past day during the conference, I have talked to many people about what they felt was the importance of volunteerism (this was mostly a crowd of volunteers who sit on boards for housing committees in their communities). In his keynote speech, Peter Short drew many pictures for us...........and thanked us for the work we do.........how sometimes its just so difficult to find the motivation to leave our own homes for meetings in the middle of a snowy evening.........but you know what............do you know what picture came into my mind when he was speaking.............it was one of myself putting my coat on, bundling up and heading to a Home and School meeting...........wondering WHY I was doing this..............and then walking into the library of my son's school to be greeted by the warmest caring group of people who were there like me to make a difference.

The energy and the compassion felt when surrounded by the people who volunteer is all the motivation I need.......and I know you "get that........." You know this................Volunteerism is our best attempt at grassroots politics........its where community grows from...........doesn't it?

I consider myself a storykeeper and a storyteller, which is why I love writing..............which is why you'll always see me with my pen in hand and my black journal..............oh and a cup of tea nearby...........I love hearing stories and I love telling them. It's how I learn best....right in the middle of a damn good story. Its the most important thing we can share with someone else............a story.......

One of the most important lessons I've learned as a storykeeper and storyteller who finds her career home on the frontlines about human behaviour is that desperate hearts spill out desperate feelings which lead to desperate behaviour. But behind the desperate behaviour....behind that ugly mask is a vulnerable human being in need of love and validation. So in need of recognition. Peter Short spoke of this didn't he, and then he validated our work.............how good did that feel??

We have that chance to offer up this feeling moment for someone else too..........as people helping people, we have a grip on the dreams and hopes of some pretty darn vulnerable people, some of whom are desperate like we have never personally experienced before.......and some of their behaviour thrown our way is UGLY! Behind the mask of behaviour lies the vulnerable human being in need of love and validation.

WE all matter............we ALL matter.

This morning, we will look at how to deal with some of those challenging behaviours...............with this in mind. The beauty may be hidden behind the actions, but it's there. It just needs to be validated. We all need that...........

I shared stories................entertained.............spoke of passion and compassion...........even threw in a lesson on Transactual Analysis at one point............managed to teach them the basic tenets of Glasser's Choice theory.........that all behaviour is our best attempt at filling one of five needs.....Survival, Love and Belonging, Power/Self Directness, Fun, Freedom.

Yes, there I was walking around the front, engaging a large group in a ballroom of a hotel.....with my tone of voice, my enthusiasm, myself.

After 2 hours of listening, doing, thinking..............I left them with the last thought..........

"We are not called by God to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love. "

Then, God provided a personal life unfolding lesson on just those words.

While I was delivering this workshop, my husband and my son had a ride in an ambulance together to our hospital. I got word as soon as I stepped out of the ballroom.....to call a friend. Before I knew it, I was sitting up in the emergency room awaiting results of a CAT scan on my husband. He had awaken with double vision, a headache and numbness on his left side. We both thought it was stress, because well we have both earned some numbness. But, it turned out Jamie had had a minor stroke. They found a very tiny bleed...........a pinprick on a blood vessel is how a friend explained it. This was causing the symptoms he was experiencing.

Since Saturday, the symptoms have almost gone away. He is being cared for by a group of nurses and our doctor who have been fabulous. It has been very traumatic, very stressful and shocking. Shocking! Today we are waiting to see the neurologist to see how things stand and I'm hopeful he will be coming home with me today. His vitals are all good..........he's walking, talking, has full strength in all limbs. His thoughts are clear.............and his eyesight is still a bit blurry. We are both anxious, understandably, but we will weather this.

When you live "away from home," away from family, you tend to develop friendships that are deep and supportive. You nurture them and they nurture you just like family. We have lived away from our families for our whole marriage.......20 years and have developed strong bonds with our friends..........they know we can be counted on to be there for them like family and we rely on them as well. It is the extraordinary love thing Jean Vanier spoke of...........

Our friends have flooded us this weekend with support and love.........it has left me filling many cups with tears. I can safely now say that almost every single one of my friends in this city has seen me cry or at least heard me on the phone. Their offers have been phenomenal........dropping everything and coming to our assistance.

I am supposed to be getting on a plane tomorrow for a week away. It's a very meaningful (to me) little trip across the pond...........one that I am wholeheartedly looking forward to and in fact have been bouncing off the walls with my energized enthusiasm (don't be scared Pip!). My friends and co-workers are well aware of this....... they really havent been able to miss it. And so.......we have been overwhelmed in such a good way with offers of help, food and support. It has turned the whole trauma into an awareness of the many blessings we have living and embracing us daily.

Something happens............life as we know it stops for a breather.........forces us to evaluate quickly. A shedding of redundant stuff we carry around slips off. We are left with the gifts of love and belonging, of encouragement, and of the knowledge that many many people in our lives, people whom we spend our weekends with, our holidays with..........our beautiful friends are there to pick us up and perform the ordinary things with extraordinary love.

I'm finishing this blog post off sitting in the family room of the pediatric ward in the hospital. Yes, they put my husband on the kids ward! Its the perfect place for him.......he's always been a child at heart, with an office of wind up toys, a penchant to play road hockey at any time, and a desire to organize a party just for the hell of it. Anytime I've told someone where Jamie is housed right now they laugh and say........."that's perfect!" As I type this, my son Max and his Dad are sitting together watching the ballgame, having dinner and catching up on the day. You'd think we were sitting in our living room at home........

We are going to be fine.................more than fine........because love always makes it alright. It matters. It's what matters.