Monday, November 16, 2009

whiskey soaked silence

stumbling here on this endless night

trying to wrestle getting it right
numbed by reality
tired of it all
can't get you in focus
can't get you to call

fogs rolling in blinding the trees
naked bare boned knuckles and knees
scraped by its wake
bloodied and bruised
no one will want me
torn battered up used. 

I'm numbed by reality
tired of it all
can't get you in focus
can't get you to call.
I guess I don't blame you
there's no second chance
when hurt has replaced
a broken romance.

i lay here shackled wondering if He
pays any attention, hears my deep pleas
cried out sorrow
tattered old song
your love I have wasted
your trust has all gone.

night crawls with echos of your tender voice
I long to forget, I messed up my choice
yearned and forgotten
i lie here alone
aching for nearness
chilled to the bone. 

sleep is a memory fading away
replaced by loud silence covered in grey
ripped from your faith
blame shares my skin
even Jesus has left me
distrust soaked in sin.

I'm numbed by reality
tired of it all
can't get you in focus
can't get you to call.
I guess I don't blame you
there's no second chance
when hurt has replaced
a broken romance.

my tip of the hat to Mr. Waits.....

sometimes, i just wish my feelings could sleep and not continue to flood.  that's never been the case, though.  they lead me more than i even admit to myself..... sometimes to a point where i end up sitting in a thick fog with too much vision.  it's ugly.


sherry ♥ lee said...

There are times I believe we all wish we could just "turn off" the brain, tune out the thoughts and just "be". As frustrating as it is I always see it as my mind shuffling the deck and trying to make sense of an information overload, of separating the necessary from the unnecessary.

awareness said...

Sherry... it's like separating the chaff from the wheat. whiskey helps.

Carmi said...

Every night, I find myself lying awake while my mind races, wishing I could somehow turn it all off, or at least throttle it long enough to drift off. No dice. I know this is part of being creative, but sometimes I just want to sleep.

Like my wife says, it would be nice if life didn't have to be so hard all the time. Maybe I'll try the whiskey next. It's a good journalist's thing to do, after all.

awareness said...

Ah, Carmi! It warms my heart to know that my insomnia is linked to creative flow AND that I'm not alone. However, by this time of day, pour the whiskey, I'm done.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Like you, I am always in a sea of feelings, and though it can be overwhelming and ezhausting at times as well as deeply depressing---I wouldn't change it for the world. The upside of that is great great joy and wonderful enjoyment in all sorts of things, not the least of which is great music and wonderful songs, like this one, as well as so very many other things!

Jen said...

Ah wow.

Lord it does my heart good to know I'm not alone in this.

I got a shocking phone call this weekend that kept me up with anxiety until 4 am last night.

Goldschlager sounded sooooooo nice.
Or Patron.


I didn't.

I always feel so crummy when I do.

Morning brings clarity, Dana.
Let's share that cuppa and just breathe together after a good night's sleep......

Gilly said...

Dana, just hold onto those feelings. It proves you are alive! And creative! And a loving, caring human being.

I worry sometimes that I can't feel much any longer. Old age? The start of senile dementia? I'm serious. Things that used to keep me awake, no longer do so. I can't be bothered.

Dana, I so wish I was younger, could respond to your keep-me-awake feelings by saying "me too".

I'm frightened.

awareness said...

Naomi.... thank you for this. Do you know anyone who could take these lyrics and turn it into a song? I would love that.
I wouldn't change it for the world either. The expansive feelings are where my muse finds me best.

Jen....Morning does bring clarity, yes. Most nights I'm fine with the wide awake moments and try to be productive with my writing. For some reason yesterday I couldn't get my mojo moving! This piece I wrote last year and decided to repost it because it captured the feelings, and I wanted to see if it resonated.

Gilly...thank you. I was feeling a bit washed out. I think its because I have much work to do, all good stuff, and have a lot on my plate. My lack of sleep wasn't helping me juggle it all in a positive way like I know I am capable of. Got a good night's sleep last night, and ready to tackle it all.
I hope you can push through your own feelings to a place of contentment Gilly. YOu are a creative expressive beautiful woman.... keep at it!!!

Mark said...

Excellent writing! Of course we cannot truly get anyone to do anything. We only control that which is with in. In the depth of Winter we discover a Tahiti within.

awareness said...

winter we discover a Tahiti within.... that's a lovely visual.... I like that. Bring on the Umbrella drinks!