Friday, November 20, 2009


4 am feeds on a loneliness wrought with serpentine emotions .  Night watches time differently as it moves in a dream state, filtering our reflections and fears through glass altering truth. We may have moments of clarity in the deep forest of the dark night, but for the most part the monsters of internal doubt blur our sleep deprived imaginations. Lost love wraps itself in the misery of wet tears and the curling smoke from the end of the last cigarette.  Echoes of accusations, crawl under the skin, spreading goosebump guilt inside a broken spirit. Alone.  Tormented by a ballad ripe with truth. 

Someone turn the lights back on
I'll love you til all time is gone
You haven't looked at me that way in years
But I'm still here.
Tom Waits


Kay said...

it's almost six a.m. your words are a dagger to the heart

awareness said...

Kay....I don't know what particular 4 am wrestle I was channeling when I wrote this. Possibly a blend of them. It's so difficult sometimes to get through the night when one is grappling the heart twisting stuff. It makes me wonder if these are the nights when face wrinkles are formed, because they do take their toll don't they?

Gypsy said...

Funnily enough 4am is when I awaken most days and it is a very lonely time of day. It's the one time I don't enjoy the quiet because it only serves to make my thoughts seem louder in my head without the distraction of noise.

Marja said...

Very powerful There is a lot behind these words Take care
I can't go there to that lonely place in the night as I am sound asleep for 9 hours straigt

BlazngScarlet said...

I'm torn.
On one hand, I find that time of night/morning to be the best for me.
I savor the quietness ... my thoughts become more streamlined and I have great clarity.
But, the endless nights ... the nights when sleep won't come no matter what is when I don't care for it. Then 4am is just a painful reminder that my brain won't shut up.

awareness said...

Gypsy....sometimes it hits me like that, and sometimes I can jump right into writing a blog piece. I often wake up then too. One of the thoughts I do have then is wondering what my blog friends in different time zones are doing..... :) are one lucky human being to be able to sleep 9 hours straight. I did that twice last week and was SO damn tired during the day! Honestly!

Scarletina....I'm the same way. Sometimes it rips me up... the loud noise filtering through my head, and then sometimes I enjoy the peace. It's always good to have the dog for company no matter how I welcome that time of day. She's a constant. :)

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Hi sweetness. I am reading but not commenting much.

Life is an adventure.

I gave you a blog award!

bingoboat lover said...

Wow! very deep and sincere feeling you have.

awareness said...

Layla...thank you. :) I will think about what I could write that is not known??!! I may have to make it up!

Bingoboat lover spam..... thank you for you kind words spam person.