They float within the stream of your conciousness looking for a pore to trickle and drip out of. Sometimes they are harboured deeply, pushed and repressed down into a forgotten recess which only a dark dream can discover when our guard is down. They then slip up to the forefront of our thinking where they itch from the inside until you become aware of its presence again....until you acknowledge it as a reality.
Sometimes holding onto one is like trying to grasp an anchor made slippery from seaweed and kelp.
Sometimes we feel like we've thrown it away, we've let go of our role as keeper of the internal light.......its been cast off into the deep waters to float away unrecognize and unable to hurt or to change our course in life.
Sometimes, they retch out of us like projectiles in need of release.....gotta get them out.....gotta share NOW....We rely on them as contracts held and promises kept, and yet they dance within us and twirl around the sirens named desire and temptation. We even seek them out, yet they entangle us in the long reeds of mystery, trapped in the glowing temptress of imagination. Reality becomes blurred as we hold our breath in an attempt to gain control over our own invaded thoughts. Alluring, it can leave you stunned by its flirtatious nature.
A cousin of desire, a sister of a dream.........they enslave you behind a mask made of clay. Only porous clay. Even if we fire that clay with a beautiful glaze to give it strength to hold back truth, those sneaky secrets have the capacity to reveal themselves. They may bring joy, surprise, and celebration with them, or they may accompany shock, dismay and sorrow. It all depends on what it is made of. It all depends on who the keeper decides to share it with and how it is received. They are powerful little atoms which can be used as threats and coercion......you throw the gauntlet down by adding a seemingly innocent secret to the mix and you have the capacity to create emotional, spiritual and physical havoc. One little revealed secret can do that.
On the other hand.......there are many hidden gems which if shared with the right person can lift you up out of a place of vulnerability and into a sense of being understood..... maybe for the very first time.
We are complicated beings. Many of our own secrets lay dormant in the pulse of our souls and we have yet to discover them ourselves. These tend to reveal themselves when the timing is right.....when we have taken a risk to meditatively sit in stillness where we begin to hear the echoing message rise up into our awareness. Stark and shadowy at first, they can evolve quickly into new starting point in our journey.....like we are given the gift of a freshly staked signpost.
We choose who we share our innermost demons, dreams and desires with people we have an intuitive notion, whom we can trust. They are few and far between. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we choose the wrong person. Sometimes we tell someone a secret only to have it bite you back with a sign of vengeful judgement wrapped around it. Nothing feels worse than when that happens. Betrayal is forever a foe.
Many are never revealed. But, we have strong premonitions that they exist, that they may be out there. Many remain a mystery for us to follow as part of our destiny where leap of faith showers our trusting tendancies and tickles our inherent motivation to carry on as pilgrims in search of revelation. Its the spicy aroma of a secret in need of unveiling which tantalizes the explorer in our souls.
What are your well kept secrets?? What are your secrets left to be unveiled even to you?
10 comments:
My secrets have got well-buried. My mind seems unable to get to them. Not just secrets, memories have gone, memories that I know I knew at one time. Perhaps they are just buried by the years that have gone by, perhaps they have dissolved, disappeared within the age-ravaged part of my mind. Or maybe they are still there, ready to climb out of the depths when called by the arrow that manages to pierce the gloom where they lie buried.
What that arrow will be, I cannot tell. A sentence, a scent, a word? There are secrets buried there, where memories lie. I may surprise myself one day by recalling them. But perhaps then they won't be so important? Or even relevant? Some secrets need to shrivel up - they are past their time.
Gilly...i find it always amazing when a secret lost in an old memory returns to the forefront. It is surprising and often connected to a cue....like you mention...from a sentence, a scent, a word...even the tone used in expressing the word.
I agree, there are many secrets we once held dear which have shrivelled up...or perhaps they have morphed into others...
we do bury them deeply....i find writing helps pull them up out of the well of experiences we also neglect.
Most of my secrets live in my dreams and nightmares.
Even those that are yet to become secrets reside among them leazing me dizzy with confusion of what is real or not any more.
Enlightenment is the curse.
Carrying it around is the burden and the truth sets you free but leaves you empty and alone.
Damn secrets.
I would rather lose the secrets I carry than the memories I have lost.
I have literally 'lost' the memories from years of my life .... but NOT the secrets.
Subconscious only allowing the 'bad'?
I have pondered this very question for years, and still have no answers.
Tell a friend a lie. If they keep it secret, then tell them the truth.
heard that somewhere once....
Walker...secrets can be the bane of our discomfort that's for sure. I am thinking particularly when it is secrets shared within a really dysfunctional family as an example. Its so unhealthy. but i think they can also be a comfort too when it is something shared with a person whom you have a completely open healthy relationship with....who is a confidante and perhaps a true touchstone in your life both enhances and strengthens the friendship.
Secrets you keep to yourself? well, i guess it depends on what it is.
having stated all that, they can drive you crazy too and do a real number on your head.
Scarlet....secrets are all bad? some of them are fun aren't they?
paul...i have also heard that too. i hope that for the most part though that i've found people in my life where i wouldnt have to test the waters so to speak. though i have been burned.....am thinking of a friend from a long time ago who couldn't for the life of her keep a secret....
to tell a lie first? I don't like that feeling. however, to tell a lie to protect a secret? i think thats a different scenario. i would do that.
Im laughing at Pauls comment... I would know my friends before I told them my secrets....
and some secrets I would only tell my partner if relevent to our relationship or if he needed to understand more and the secret was impacting on our relationship..If one cant be honest with their partner, as oneself than who can you be honest with ...
I have few secrets, I tend live openly and honestly...life is easier that way :)
A'Jay.....there is another thought a friend described to me...
what if i offer you my deepest secrets and you don't like them? it is all i have to give.... then what?
it is a dangerous and frightening step in any relationship to open up the vault of our soul...i can't think of anything else that can leave one feeling more vulnerable. when we do and we are, then it is the most powerful feeling of love and belonging one can feel....and when we are able to offer this to another, then we have found an anam cara.....
for the long haul
but before that happens....I do believe we harbour and protect our secrets, especially the ones which show our wounds and scars because they leave us raw to judgement and rejection.
More and more I am beginning to close up on revealing too much of myself. It used to be so easy to be open but experience has taught me too many times that more often than not it is wisest to keep one's own counsel.
I have only just started looking at the computer again Dana and will get to your email. I appreciate how much you care I really do.
These are the very things that keep us going day after day, putting one foot in front of the other. Going out into the world to do what we can in our little corner.
It is the desire to know and be known all wrapped up in the secrets that have contributed without invitation to the person that we have become. This is the life we live as we risk it all and become vulnerable to another human being.
Good thoughts Dana...Good questions as well. I will ponder further.
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