Thursday, February 19, 2009

blown to bits


When trust is missing, intent is assumed to be negative.
Can two people ever return to a place of trust when it goes missing or will there always be residue? How does one let go of the negative feelings and thinking in order to move away from the festering soreness? Is it possible to forget? We may be able to forgive on one level, but do we ever forget? The scars run deep especially if the betrayal pushes the boundaries of what we hold dear....of what we value.
As someone who seems to trust quickly and then gets burned, this is one of the more painful processes I experience. I don't think I'm alone though. I think we've all been punctured by that barbed wire.
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The photography theme this week at Carmi's Written Inc is "busted".... I can't think of anything more painful than a busted friendship. It is also the theme this weekend for Sunday Scribblings....how timely is that prompt!! For more trust related posts, check out the others...you can trust them...cross my heart!

20 comments:

Romany Angel said...

I think it is almost impossible to get that trust back and while it may seem healed on the surface the wound will still weep from time to time when too much pressure is put on it.


I don't even think it's a case of forgiveness. You can forgive the deed but it's unlikely you will ever forget the betrayal. That has been my experience but some people seem to be able to manage it. More power to them because most people do deserve a second chance depending on the breach of trust.

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

in my case? i have a bruise that never goes away when my trust has been abused...try as i might to be the better person and to forgive, it never seems to get back to that place of purity and joy that it once was...and this makes me sad. for i would so like to be able to move forward and grow again with this person.

Rainbow dreams said...

Broken friendships hurt and the deeper the original trust, the worse the pain. Trust is so fragile and so easily damaged, it really is a gift that should be treasured.
I think it depends on how much of ourselves we have given to another.

Awareness said...

Gypsy...your comment made me think of someone in my life who was able to forgive and move on after a huge betrayal. I have never known how he was able to do it, but I was so impressed by his actions.

Most people do deserve a second chance, I agree...because really most of the time the behaviour/action is simply reflective of where they are in their lives. If all action is our best attempt to meet our needs, than I guess we need to step back and try to analyze why it happened in the first place.

irish...I guess for me it depends on how the trust was broken...but more than likely it will have altered the relationship in one way or another. Sometimes it just takes some time and some new awareness on both sides and a willingness to want to work on the friendship. Unfortunately, It doesn't happen that often when two people can come to the table again.

Awareness said...

Katie...Sorry, you must've been writing your comment when I was too.

I agree, though when I think of what I've just recently learned and experienced on a couple of fronts, I have to ask myself what the underlying motives were to begin with, how was the friendship perceived by the other person that may have been different than how I had perceived it, and why did I not see that in the first place. I think when it the trust is tied to a clash in values, it's complicated.

Light and Voices said...

Trust....is sacred. Once a person steps over that line we set up or break that unwritten contract it is over. Forgiveness of ourselves for allowing it and then forgiveness of the other person mmm, it is impossible for the relationship to continue. The memory just keeps popping up even IF we let it go. At least this is my perspective of trust issues.
Joyce

Selma said...

I find it hard to forgive when my trust has been betrayed. One of my friends and I no longer speak because of what she did. I want to say I have moved on, but when I think of her I get so het up. I think what I am finding difficult is the fact that we were friends for such a long time and I really trusted her. It still hurts.

Awareness said...

Joyce... I like that word...sacred. It is one of the true sacred values we all grasp onto.

I wonder though if we need to be more open to loving the unlovely...of realizing that whatever the other person has done was their best attempt at fulfilling their needs. Or perhaps we just need to get to a point where we accept their are just plain unworthy of our time? I don't know. But to harbour negative thoughts only hurts ourselves.
Selma....I do too, and at times it makes me feel paranoid and second guess myself. it's not a nice feeling and will do anything to avoid it. not good either!

Pamela said...

whenever humans are involved - it requires forgiveness and grace. Those two are given. Trust has to be earned.

I hope you never lose your ability to trust.

Awareness said...

Pamela..is does need to be earned, doesnt it? No worries on this end. I will always trust.

americanising desi said...

it is earned difficult, lost easy and yet they all lose it... who take ages to gain it!

nice :)

chk mine at
http://eternitycallsus.blogspot.com/2009/02/my-most-trusted-companion.html

linda may said...

It might be forgotten but it stays just below the surface. Awaiting the slight scratch that brings it out again. Like the lymph fluid that weeps from a wound.
For me though it is harder to forgive myself the wound that I caused, than to forgive the wounds that are given to me by others.

Footpad said...

Trust in one of the most precious commodities; it's easily given the first time. Painfull given the second.

It has to re-earned when lost...and even that requires full forgiveness.

--f

Granny Smith said...

No, I think it is almost impossible to ever feel trust again if a friend or relative has betrayed you, however much you would like to be able to. Bruised feelings don't heal as easily as bruised flesh.

Fledgling Poet said...

I think once trust is broken, it's impossible to get it back. A sad reality.

Donna Marino said...

I wrote a quote recently:

My ability to trust has been displaced in the struggle for acceptance. Should you find it, please use it with care, or you, too, will displace it.

Your sentiments are well stated.

Devil Mood said...

Very difficult questions and I don't know the answer to any of them. Perhaps we never really forget, even if we try to push it out of our consciousness.

Tumblewords: said...

It doesn't work for me. Trust doesn't fully return after betrayal. Good provocative post!

bobbie said...

Very timely indeed.

A'Jay said...

It can be done, but not for me... when betrayed by another, it lingers and at the first sign of doubt its back...