Monday, February 09, 2009

soaked in the haunts of ancient peace

I've always had a difficult time with the word salvation. To me, it creaks with judgement and reform. It hails a heavy handed demand especially if its bellowed out in exagerated pronouncements by a preacher overwrought with a twisted sense of entitlement. Do I really want to put myself in the hands of someone else who clearly feels it's their responsibility to save me from myself? What is that all about? They may see it as their rescue us little sinners before its too late.....but I see it as an invasion of the body snatchers.

See? I don't really like the word and what it stands for. I'd rather walk away from a dose of body dunking salvation and risk the temptations of life's sins. I figure we can learn much about ourselves and others when we recognize we all like a little bit of sinnin' every once in a while. Mistakes and hard road learning bring voice to our otherwise rigidly confinings....I mean isn't it when we listen to that little "Id" in our heads that we push the boundaries....that we make headway into unchartered territory?

Obviously I'm not referring to the evil side of sinning....the killing, maiming, making others suffer through physical or emotional abuse or acting without thinking of the harmfulness on others. No, I'm simply referring to being bad. What would our lives be like if we weren't bad every now and then? I don't think we'd ever understand the depth of goodness. And what about kindness? What about love, forgiveness, empathy, trust? Would we really be able to internalize and apply these emotionally driven acts in our relationships if we didn't know the other side of the coin? I don't believe so. Suffering through the struggle....through the life lessons of knocks and gut kicks leave us with enlightened insights.

Sallllvaaaaaaaaaashshshshuuuuun ........... Oooooooweeee, isn't that a shivery sound? It turns me right off.

You know, after having thought about this word for a while...really putting some of my brain juices into action saying this word over and over in my head, I kind of think it may have been given a bum rap ... No doubt tele-vangelists and zealous leaders of church communities hungry for power and their ilk have overused this word and taken advantage of it too many times, maybe salvation can be seen with new eyes. Could it be that the whole process of salvation from sin allows us to find peace of mind? Maybe salvation holds the ingredients to finding and sustaining self affirming calm.

What if we took it on ourselves? What if we were able to work on our own salvation? Or maybe it's what we strive to do everyday as a means to seek repose. We work on this personal salvation project and continue to jump, skip, hop, crawl, dance, twirl, walk and run along the chosen roads in search of one thing....peace of mind. Most days, peace is as elusive as a whisper caught in the throngs of a crowded market place. Some days, it stares at us with a soul satisfying sigh.

Then there are moments of tenderness when serenity settles in the comfortable arrival at a place that feels like home. In order to get there though, we've got to drive through some pretty nasty unveiling of shame-filled secrets, recognizing our own faults and bad choices and somehow forgiving ourselves. And the only way I can think of to do this is to sit inside the shadow of a prayer every once in a while. Its where the chattering discord eventually halts and the inner storm retreats. I think.


Gilly said...

So many evangelists tell us we "can't do this ourselves" we have to rely on God, and yet we know that just sitting there and waiting for God to drop us another disposition or temperament just ain't going to happen! Feel sure the secret is in forgiving ourselves, and going on. No use beating ourselves up forever.

But on the other hand, my disposition and temperament are ME. Not sure I want another one! The effort of learning to be someone else can lead to insanity, or at the very least, lack of self-confidence and self-belief.

I know, I've been there.

Awareness said...

Gilly.....I wonder if we allow ourselves to define who we are through our actions, thoughts and feelings rather than what is found deep inside our spirit and thats what gets us feeling lost? Does that make sense? I need to find the right words here to express what I'm thinking.... and will come back with words closer to my thoughts...have to chew on it a bit.

I believe God gave us the tools to take it on AND to be there to guide us through prayer. He also gave us each other to help one another on a level playing field. We are not alone in figuring it out, in learning how to be more confident.

what I dont find helpful is the power parenting from people who feel it is their vocation to "save us...." thereby moving us out of our own driver's seat!

Tim Scammell, Professional Technologist said...

Very good blog today Dana.
Funny how I can relate to it so well.
The truly wonderful thing is the comment that Gilly has here.
The best comment I can leave that speaks everything of how I feel is
"What she said."


Marja said...

Don't like the word either. Takes away responsibility.
I think we are here to learn and develop. When you make mistakes you have to put up with the consequences and if you are lucky you learn from it
The good and the bad are both part of us indeed. Like Jung says if you suppress one it will get out of your system in different ways.
Without the bad we can't appreciate the good.It is just all part of being human

Anonymous said...

There's nothing wrong with being a little bit bad sometimes. Your point about it allowing us to move into uncharted territory is a very pertinent one. We are the only ones who can make change in our lives. Often it is those doing the saving who are the greatest sinners of all.

Awareness said...

Tim...thanks. It was a bit of a rambly one....kind of felt a need to unravel what i had been thinking to see if it made any sense. I guess some of it did.

Marja...I do like what Jung says. It's all about learnig isn't it?

Selma....Right on! Couldn't agree with you more. Some of them even get caught!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

That picture of the snow on those stunning trees...Talk about a "White Christmas"....!