Dancing reflections

Dance

When you're broken open

Dance

If you've torn your bandage off

Dance

In the middle of fighting

Dance in your blood

Dance when you're perfectly free

Rumi

Wouldn't it be nice to fall into a place where everything has music to dance to, even when we don't initially feel like dancing? There is no way in the world one can stay depressed or angry or afraid or anxious when one is finding their groove thang.

Have you tried it? The more expressive the better.........just like you can when no one is watching. It's easy to sway into a jazzy hip grinding motion when you're feeling fine. It's already surging heat in your blood. It's not so easy when the thick foggy emotions buffer the music and repel the movement. But that's when a twirling two step is needed the most.

Today, I struggled to prepare myself for my return to work tomorrow. I've been home since the end of July dancing to my own beat. It was needed.......on many levels. For one thing, I needed to put some space between me and my work environment in order to clear my head and think about what I can do to move on and out of there, while staying true to my lifework passion for counselling.

This isn't an easy task when one lives in a town where work options are minimal, but I think I have found a few. It may take more time than I want it to, but I'm hopeful. This will help tomorrow when I'm faced with the daunting amount of work which awaits (no one covered for me) and the daunting feelings I know will surface when I sit across from the person who has made my work life miserable for a year now.

Dance when you're broken open............I wonder if I can get away with doing the tango up and down the office hallway? It may be the answer.........for one thing, it would make me feel better AND make me laugh. And another thing..........maybe they would think I was completely whacko and either leave me be, or help me get out of there. hahaha..........hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

When I look back on the weeks I have been home, I didn't accomplish much of what I had intended, but isn't that always the way? I'm not disappointed, because unpredicable wonderful moments took the place of many of my planned intentions.

We travelled more, entertained more, and enjoyed the company of more overnight guests than I had anticipated.

I found myself with a new blog and a new place to display my writing. Though it has had a few speed bumps thrown in and I'm still vascillating over whether or not this is a good use of my time, it continues to be a good learning experience.

I spent more downtime just decompressing while finding my happy dancing feet again and little by little the insomnia slipped away and the calm returned inside me. Interestingly, I have bumped into a handful of colleagues over the course of the past week and they have all commented on how much healthier and calmer I look. My glow is returning. I'm rested.

Most importantly, we celebrated the lives of my Mother and Father in law on Labour Day weekend with friends and family who flew in from all parts of the country. One childhood friend of my husband's arrived from Barcelona to spend a week with us. I would never have been able to predict how needed it was to let it all hang out in Spencer's Island........to laugh, to cry and to share stories in a place which has deep meaning for all who made the journey. It was cathartic, and life affirming. The dread I felt before the weekend lifted in the church when I sat listening to my brother in law as he let his heart pour out, trusting all who were in attendance with his deeply harboured emotions.

A sacredness in tears which felt empowering for all.

Yes, it was good to have an open ended time schedule, to allow for feelings and thoughts to intermingle with reflections. This is when the best ideas come forward because it is so freeing from the shackles of previous knowledge. Does that make sense? Sometimes we need freedom from our routines to be able to shift our thinking to another place. Sometimes previous learning and set routines anchor us in the place called same.

I needed a shift. Some of the shift happened.

Dance when you're perfectly free......

Maybe that's the key to what Rumi is saying........maybe dancing when we are feeling broken allows us the avenue to seek freedom.......freedom as a state of mind. If we continue to dance, we will resolve our brokenness and move towards feeling perfectly free. For it is in the mindfulness of freedom when we feel the sense of empowerment and confidence to be able to surrender the need to be in control of our every move.

I think I'll pack my tap shoes just in case I decide to channel Mr. Bo Jangles tomorrow. It can only help maintain the shift........and the state of mind.