Sunday, July 15, 2007

down the path..........

And it is still true,
no matter how old you are,
when you go out into the world
it is best to hold hands and stick together.
Robert Fulghum



When was the last time you had a whole week in front of you that was all new learning, when everything was new to you? New routine, new experiences, new people, new surroundings, new opportunities......new, new, new....? It doesn't happen very often does it? Our lives are for the most part routine, staying within the lines of the known with a few dabbles here and there of new learning where we stretch out to dip our toe in the stream of discomfort. It takes a move or trip or a job change or a loss or a major change in our lives to foist us into NEW.

And what accompanies NEW? Different levels of anxiety are present, and depending on the event our nervousness seeps into our bellies filling them with butterflies and growls. Excitement too is a form of heightened alertness....same adrenaline bursts as anxiety I think. Curiosity, motivation, hesitancy, wonder, fear, grief, joy, sorrow and lots and lots of questions......expressed openly or not....depending on the situation.

NEW learning............takes us down paths that may have been trodden by others before us, but are not trodden by us......and it always leaves us changed. New learning is change, no matter how intense the feelings...........it starts a chain of events..........

This is where my thinking is tonight. See the accompanying picture? Right down that path is a little cabin with 8 boys nestled in for the night with their camp counsellors. One of the boys is my son, who is in for a whole week of NEW. Today, we dropped him off at a sleepover camp for his first foray. Being the youngest in this family, he hasn't had as many opportunities to do something independent of his big sister or of his Mom and Dad. Even when he went off to kindergarten, his sister and her friends were there to greet him. So, today my son has begun a week of new learning. And I'm thinking that I've got some of that ahead of me too because his changes impact changes in me as I come to a different level of accepting that he is growing up independent of me and his Dad.

This isn't a new concept. Many have walked this path before us. However, the path is new to us. Familiar in some respects........

Robert Fulghum first became famous for his book entitled, "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." It was a clever and charming anecdotal book about the important lessons in life..........about sharing and being kind to others. I thought of the book today, knowing these life lessons are also relearned at summer camp when you're sharing space with a group of others you aren't related to.

These are also life lessons we all try to instill in our children to nurture their openness to others....to be thoughtful and empathic, to be expressive in their wants and needs, to look out for others. It seems to me this is the foundation needed to be self-confident in order to take strides into unchartered territory knowing you can rely yourself. Every new learning, whether it happens when you are 9 or 90, provides a chance to test our personal questions..........."Can I?" "Do I?" "Will I?" And I guess the key is to know that any new learning is linked to all the other building blocks accumulated in life. First time tries for young ones we hope are successful because they will encourage future risk taking. Knowing and and feeling this way, I hope this week for him is triumphant because it can lead to so many other unchartered paths that one day he will want to try.

So, I sit here tonight, feeling a bit of a mess...........more of a mess than I had expected as I realize my little boy, who fills this house with his presence, is off for a week of NEW without us.

I should be comforted by the knowledge that he has many tools in his life toolbox already.....some he's accumulated on his own figuring stuff out, and some we have provided for him. I should be comforted in knowing that he will be experiencing many of the same life lessons I learned at the very same age at camp. It does help, believe me, but it also makes my reaction all the more surprising. I know he will be safe and cared for...........that's not what seems to be twisting inside me. And I don't clearly know what it is. But the pangs are sharp and cannot be ignored. I guess that's what my own learning this week will help me clarify and hopefully will guide me in accepting change. It's all a part of growing up.......for me and for him.

If I have two wishes this week......please let him have the best time of his life.....and let me accept the growing up bit.

10 comments:

BreadBox said...

Awareness --- that was a beautiful post, kind of sad, but very uplifting at the same time --- good luck focusing on the brightness of his future this week, and not on the emptiness you'll feel in the house:-)

N.

kenju said...

Three of my grandchildren are at camp this week; two of them for the first time. I am so hope ful that they will enjoy their time at camp and make lasting friendships and memories.

The House on Big Island said...

Maybe it was a few years ago but I remember being dropped off for the first time at Camp - the tree and path in your picture could have been there, that day!

Looking back, it was the beginning of one of the most important times of my life - and I have a generous Dad and a Wise Mom to thank for it!

... not to mention some really neat people with whom I share it all with, to this day.

These are the moments and experiences to cherish, remember and celebrate. Tonight - dear Mother Muskie and Dad - I envy you both!

awareness said...

breadbox....thanks. this morning the sun is shining as it will be where my son is waking up. :)

Judy....me too! Some of my most important friendships were formed at camp. I wish the same for my son.

Daisy....I posted that pic for that reason...it reminded me so much of Kawabi. The place also had the same pine scents as well. I too have memories of my very first day at camp. I remember finding it SOOOOO big! I settled into the first tent in the girls tentline....my counsellor's name was Zebo...remember her?

Yes.....will cherish and hope that Max is at the very beginning of a lovely connection to his own camp and friendships as I continue to hold in my heart.

ps. wish he could've gone to Kawabi.....

JP (mom) said...

I know how tough these transitions are ... sending you love and having faith that you will celebrate his growth. This is what you've done such a GREAT job of preparing him for & he'll have a blast! xx, JP

Rainbow dreams said...

Hi Dana, we have just been there with Richard going to france for a week... I feel those feelings with you...the growing up, letting them try their wings. No doubt he will have a great time and will be back before you know it, thinking of you xx

awareness said...

Deb.....he is definately armed and has been weaned on camp stories. He also has one of his favourite people in his life on staff.....all good stuff. I guess it's more my expectations I need to rein in because I have such a strong desire for him to LOVE it as much as I did. Camp was a key foundation to many of the paths I chose as an adult. It impacted my choices in everything from music to careers. Because of this, it is difficult to NOT have this weigh on him.....as much as I tried to downplay it so that he could find his way on his own....to see if it is a good fit for him........I fear he will think he has disappointed me if he hates the whole experience. I tried to convey that it wouldn't but i know him well enough that my words may not be enough. we'll just have to wait and see.

hmmmmmmmmmm...........i guess i just figured out where my messy trepidations are coming from didn't i?? I love writing and blogging!! It truly unravels my complicated thinking.

Katie..........YES.....I was thinking that when I read your post about Richard's trip and your feelings about it.....knew I was about to be in the same boat...and you're right.......he will be back in a flash of time, hopefully with a tired grin on his face...

thanks all.

Karen said...

Every new milestone in our childrens lives is a big NEW for us parents. I'm sure your son will return home full of exciting stories about his time at camp and you'll think to yourself "why did I worry?".

Unknown said...

Dana,

Thank you so much for your comments on my last post...you can't even imagine how much your words meant. To be assured that where I am is a good place and that someone gets it is huge!

Thank you for the words you write on your blog...always keep my wheels turning and my heart singing!

Matthew said...

I love how you set-up the premise of new learning and its importance coupled with your own feelings of unrest in the face of new change. Certainly one of the paradoxes in a human life!

We want to shelter and protect but also allow a loved one to expand and flourish. Writing about it and talking it over are just two of the ways to reflect upon these seemingly opposite movements.

Reading your words in the post and in the comments I believe that you are effectively crossing that bridge.

Cheers!