what more can be said?

all front doors should be painted yellow....

they are the most welcoming

What more can be said about friendship that hasn't already been stated? It seems like a saturated topic doesn't it? Consequently, I struggle to find my own unique words to capture the essence of how I would describe what it means to me. Like many topics I tend to write about, I find my writing muse pre-occupied with it and until I can encapsulate at least a draft of my thinking it will stick in my craw until I do something about it. This muse of mine seems to go hand in hand with whatever I may be experiencing..........a kind of in the moment written rendition.........reflections of my life. It's how I've let my writing flow out of me......one thought, one theme at a time.......

so, here i sit wondering about friendship..........think I'll just turn on the word tap and see where this leads me............and quit thinking about finding something uniquely creative to package it in.

Last night 6 of us enjoyed dinner together. Our children, 5 in total, who have known one another since they were babies could be heard downstairs laughing and carrying on. It has been a whole year since the 11 of us were all under one roof and within moments of our reunion, we have found our way again. Uncomfortable pregnant pauses don't happen with this crew even though one of the families lives two provinces away and only head home to the Maritimes once a year. It's a natural comfort zone we all feel. It never fails. The conversation jumps and hops and slides around various topics, some of which we all take part in and some which naturally lend to pairing up to share. We all comment on how wonderful and magical it is..........both for ourselves and for our children who obviously enjoy each other's company as much as we do.

Much has taken place, and never enough time to fully catch up. So, we swayed from throwing out hilarious stories of times shared in the past to the deeply felt experiences we as individuals had since we last met up. Though it was one short evening, we will all converge in a couple of weeks on a beach on Prince Edward Island to simply hang out.......unplugged, unwired, away from phones and televisions.....escape. A much needed escape, especially this year.

My life of late has been a long lesson of managing upheaval, as has my immediate family's. The death of my in laws last month, though emotionally mindnumbing all on it's own is only a part of the story because we have lived for a very long time waiting and listening and dealing with one crisis after another because of their illnesses and needs. I don't know whether it would've been different had we lived in the same town or province.......if things could've been handled differently. Somehow I doubt it. Plus living away from it all offered us the reprieve needed to somehow cope with the complicated relationships involved in the drama. And, the drama isn't over yet. Soon, but not yet.

I have struggled with my feelings about it all. It doesn't matter what the feeling, it's been intense. Grief, anger, frustration, outright indignation, sadness, confusion, fatigue.......and hope. Hope that our lives will soon be our own. It seems like such a selfish thing to write, but if I am honest, I have to admit that the feeling of freedom and relief which feeds my hope is well deserved, as is my husband's similar feelings. We've endured this together.

One day, I will write this whole story.....for now? It needs to simmer..........

The friends we shared a lot of wine and song with last night know the story. They've heard it all as it unfolded. It wasn't one we needed to catch up on because they know the details. When they stated last night how much they want to help us escape it all during our vacation, it meant a lot. Sure, we'll talk about it...........feelings will be shared both as a group and one on one over a glass of wine watching the tide roll in and out. It may happen standing in the surf or going for a morning walk. Or it may not happen at all, because they know the stories. What it won't be is the central focus of our time together. The focus will be on the celebration of our 20 year friendships, on sharing our dreams and plans, and on having some silly giggling fun.

Another good friend sent me an email lately about friendship in it was this comment............Love is blind and friendship is clairvoyant. Perhaps it is. Good friends simply know, don't they? When you get to a point in a friendship where words are fully understood and sometimes not needed, where there is a freedom to share feelings and it's acceptable, when you know you matter......you know that this friendship is a lifetime one. And what a blessing that is.