Skip

  "Whatever the intellectual quality of the education given our children, it is vital that it include elements of love and compassion, for nothing guarantees that knowledge alone will be truly useful to human beings. Among the major troublemakers society has known, many were well-educated and had great knowledge, but they lacked a moral education in qualities such as compassion, wisdom and clarity of vision."Dalai Lama.

 Besides my parents, there is one person in this whole world who had as much impact on the development of my values and on the choices I made as an adult.  His name is Skip.  Well, his real name is Bruce, but I've never been able to call him that. It would be too uncomfortable!  He's Skip.  Always and forever.  Just like I am Muskie always and forever. 

I'm not alone.  I daresay there are quite a few people out there in "summer camp land" who wouldn't hesitate if they were asked to identify the person who impacted them the most when they were growing up besides family members.  The first name to come to mind for many is Skip. After they declared that, out would tumble a whole canoe full of stories that revolve around a place that remains sacred in our hearts and memories. Alive and well these stories are!  All you have to do is tickle a Kawabi kindred just the chin and BING!  Out shines a story about Skip.  

Some of them would begin by focusing on that sense of childhood fear of this man who generated an untouchable admiration and desire to please in many!  Two thumbs up from Skip and your feet didn't touch the ground.  However, the underbelly of this are the stories of when at age 13 you got caught in the middle of the night performing crazy antics when you were supposed to be sound asleep in your own bunkbed!  I get shivers just remembering how it felt when 12 of us campers who had reunited after a long winter of wishing for camp again, were in the middle of taking photos of all of us on one bed........ with every single flashlight on and a loud cacophony of laughter peeling through the tent walls!  

Through the sound of 12 girls humming like a crowd at a bottom of the ninth world series game 7 with the score tied and the heavy hitter up to bat...... a seriously sharp baritone would cut the air and slice through the loud din! Silence ensued immediately.  For out in the dark on the path you had to take to get back to your own tent was a man who walked those same paths without a flashlight EVER in glow in the dark white tennis shoes.  That's all you could see!  The shoes!  It was probably best not to see the stern brow on his face.  You knew it was there anyways.  

I've never even attempted to write a piece on this blog about Skip because I find it daunting.  Not that I don't want to..... its just that so many conversations, activities, campfires, games, and interactions come to mind all at once.   What underlies all of the stories I share with him are the values he lived and taught daily.  Compassion, love and belonging were expressed through his actions.  Like tasty sweets, they were shared with everyone who had the bloody luck to be under his wing for even one summer.  Me?  I had 12 joyful summers.  

As a camper, I found my sense of belonging and a mentor who cared deeply for every single kid that got off that bus on the first day of camp.  It was his goal always to know the names of every one of us by dinner that first day.  It was his expectation of his whole staff too.  If he was stumped............ he bought you a bag of "tuck."   

Skip led us in song, taught us new games that opened up the whole camp property into a place of adventure.  He handpicked his staff and gave them his blessing and complete trust to lead their little packs of campers through a memorable time learning how to swim, how to sail......... how to canoe....... how to shoot an arrow..... how to sing a round of Fire's burning....... how to make new friends and work as a group. 

On the first night of my second year on staff, Skip wanted to talk to me.  He had brought along the two female senior staff with him, so I knew right away it was serious.  Much to my genuine surprise, he wanted to talk to me about my contribution as an Assistant Counsellor the summer before.  Not that I had screwed up completely........ With an assertiveness but also with compassion, he told me that he was disappointed in me as he had expected more from me.  He saw me as a more proactive leader than what I was showing. 

I was pretty stunned by the whole encounter and couldn't understand why he had to have these two staffers with him.  Until he explained that he wanted them to take me under their wing.  He wanted to make sure I had the best guidance that summer so I would be ready to take on the role of Counsellor the following year.  He wanted me to succeed as the Leader he believed I could be.

Needless to say, I worked my ass off that summer.  If Skip thought I had it in me, and he wanted to see it shine, well dammit I was going to prove to him he was right!  Though my confidence took an initial knocking, by the end of the summer I was 16 years old, I felt an even greater sense of belonging and a good feeling that I too had left an impression on the lives of my "campers."  

One of the most important aspects of that "SKIP TALK" night was how it opened up our relationship to a place where he and I could talk more about so many other topics.  True, there was still a sense of reverence one has for their mentor, but there was also an levelling of our interactions.  Adult to adult.  He put his trust me.  I put my trust in him.  He gave me responsibilities and guidance, and I fulfilled them as I tapped into my gifts.  We learned the human side of one another.  We worked together.  I thrived being on his "team."

A couple of years later, Skip approached me one evening during pre-camp.  He asked me if I would join him in talking to an Assistant Counsellor who needed some guidance.  All of a sudden the big staff girl shoes were on my feet.  It was my turn. I was the one who would follow through with this staff person and help her process the message from Skip, but also be by her side that summer.  It certainly surprised me, but I was honoured to play this role.  Passing on the values.......... passing on the compassion, love and belonging.  Developing trust.  Developing deeper interactions with one another by sharing.  Growing in leaps.  

Along the way, this staffer and I became lifelong friends. :)  Oh, and let me add too that one of the big girl staffers who was with me the night I got my talking to?  She's very much in my life still....... We all may live in different provinces, but we are in touch almost weekly.  Thank you facebook! :)

Years later, after many accumulative moments of shared feelings........ I returned to camp for a 40th anniversary reunion.  It had been 15 years since I had walked up the camp road towards the Lodge.  This time, I was accompanied by my own family.  For the first time, I was introducing them to my home away from home.  A place they had heard so much about had finally become the real thing........ the sweet scent of pine needles scattered on the soft ground in the woods, the tall trees that allowed only slivers of sunlight to pierce through, the sounds of laughter, boat motors, water play........ the cool breezes.... it was all there as we got out of the car and walked up towards the buzzing of the people there for the same purpose as I was.  To relive, reunite, rekindle, relight once again.   

As we ambled up to the top of the small hill on the road, I saw in the distance this man whose blonde hair had a little more grey in it, wearing a golf shirt, shorts and those glow in the dark tennis shoes.  He stood there waiting to greet us and I realized that I hadn't seen him since the night of my wedding reception where we danced together, Muskie and Skip.... mentee and mentor.  It took every single muscle in my body not to go right into a sprint towards him.  It felt like I had just completed the Amazing Race and he was standing by the finish line!  

I held my composure right up until I stood in front of him.  His arms went right around me like a big bear as I proclaimed..... "I'm home!"  

"Good to see you again Muskie..."

Tears? Oh yeah!  Both of us....   Then Skip turned his focus on my daughter whom he had never met in person before.  

"You must be Martha.  Welcome to Camp Kawabi.  I hope you will call it home too just like your Mom does because you belong here too." 

The Transitional Zones. Turning Fifty-licious

"All endings are beginnings.

We just don't know it at the time......"

Mitch Ablom, Five People You Meet in Heaven.

If you were to examine the connection between an ending and a beginning, you'd probably see spaces between the loose threads that bind them.  Or maybe even a gap.  Yes, maybe there's a kind of a transitional zone where the synapses don't touch. This is where I am sometimes, like everyone else on this planet.  No matter who you are, there is a bit of flux happening in your life.  Change is inevitable.  We are not static beings.  As soon as we learn something new, we are in the process of an ending and a beginning.   This past week it has been a theme of sorts as  I've spoken to many as they find their "new beginning" footing as they start taking new courses at the College.  

The thing about endings and beginnings is that you don't just have ONE of them. Our lives are a complicated somewhat messy multi-faceted set of them.  Linearity is not a human condition that is natural.  We are jugglers of many endings and beginnings.  Think about all of them that confront you on a daily basis.  How easier it would be if we were only coping with ONE ending and ONE beginning.  Crazy easy!  But, not reality.  Not only that, our lives consist of coping with them at different stages of openings and closings...... 

It reminds me of the passage in the Bible (and a well known 60's song), for everything, there is a season........ 

Seasons on the calendar may follow one another in an orderly manner.  Seasons in our lives crossover, combine, and create a mishmash cornucopia unique to every individual.  You may be in the spring of a relationship, or the autumn of one.  You may be basking in the summer of your career, or standing on the precipice of retirement...... winter......... with snow covered seeds waiting to germinate a new lifestyle.   We may have all four seasons happening all the same time with respect to different parts of our lives.  And when I consider it that way, I can see how often I find myself in the zone of transition.... not for everything at the same time.  I think I would fall apart if that was the case.  But, living the circle of life juggling the stages and the seasons while the days unfold as they always will........ 

Moving forward,

Staying still,

Hesitating

Anticipating

Letting Go

Denying

Accepting

Keenly motivated

Unsure

Yearning

Dreading

Reflecting

Celebrating

Grieving.......

Opening and closing.........

ALL DOINGS with feelings........ 

Winter Endings blending into Spring beginnings are occuring all around us and in us.  Sometimes with ease.  Sometimes with unbalanced footing.  Whether we want them to or not.  We visit the zone between and ending and a beginning because we need to.  This is where we process the loss.  Every change, every time we let go of old stuff/knowledge/ways of doing or being/relationships/  we experience loss.  This is what is so difficult about change.  Not the change.  The loss.   There is a season for everything.   And a purpose too....... Loss is a part of life.  Loss is a part of living life.  Loss is the hurting part of resolution.

I turned 50 on Saturday.  I would be remiss if I didn't admit that it is a milestone I can't quite believe I've hit already.   I don't think my parents can either!  They don't look old enough to have a 50 year old daughter!!  :)  But, here I am!  50 for God's sakes.  A third of the way through my life!  :)   It wasn't going to be a big deal, or didn't seem like it was going to be when I thought about it.  

But, then life threw a major curveball and it became symbolically challenging.  It quickly turned into a huge hill to climb up and over.  You see, it was the first birthday in 25 years that I wouldn't be celebrating it with my husband.  He has been by my side for half of all of my birthdays.  And now, it's no more.  This is what I couldn't process.  This is the loss I was holding onto.   

To everything, there is a season and a time and purpose under Heaven..... so often it remains a mystery.  And that's alright.  We don't need all the answers.  We just want them! 

Something magical happened last Saturday.  I let go of the loss.  I put my party dress on, complete with a new pair of sparkly silver sneakers I had been saving for just this occasion!   There was a transference from an ending to a big yellow door opening onto a new beginning.  I stipstepped in my silver shoes across the threshold, beyond the gap, over the transitional zone and landed with both feet on new ground.  It could not have happened without the undying support of my friends and family.  Turning 50 all of a sudden became turning 50-licious! 

A birthday party took place in my home........the one I had envisioned!  My house filled with joy and laughter, with song and music, with wine and food and with a cake especially created by my 12 year old friend Maeve!  Everywhere I turned, I saw people of all ages interacting and having fun, including my parents who arrived to surprise me!  All the way from Ontario via Maine!  

Right at the appointed time, God seemed to push away the rainy clouds to let the sun take his twilight bow over the river horizon. AS the day turned into night, the stars lit up the sky with so many points of glimmerlights it was impossible to comprehend.  And before you knew it, the campfire was blazing the in backyard and a circle of friends gathered for warmth, song and stories.  Inside the house, the chatter and music continued to........   people flowed from to and fro.  And life for me took a giant step forward, lighter from letting go of some of the loss.  

I will treasure this milestone in my life.  It was the biggest, brightest, most brilliant gift I could ever have received.  The gift of love, friendship, and belonging to a group of people and to a place I call home.   Thank you.  Thank you.

Endings are really new beginnings?  To everything there is a season......... this one truly has a purpose and a few reasons.    I'll toast to that!

Summer is here.....So are the Guests!

Drip

Drip

Drip......

SPRAY.........

WHOOOSH!

The fans are blowing throughout the house.  It's not even 8 am and the heat is on.  Today is going to be a scorcher.  Today, I have three guest teens arriving for a couple of days to join Max and I in this bungalow of blazing glory......... two are from Columbia, so I'm not worried about how they can handle this weather.  But, the other youngin' is flying in from Iceland tonight!  Poor kid won't know what hit him! For the next two and a half days, we will be hosting them and helping them acclimatize to our part of Canada.  Look out beaches!  Here we come.

There are approximately 20 teens arriving from all over the world to attend a seminar camp run by the local CISV chapter (Children's International Summer Villages).  It is the same organization that ran the Village Max attended in Costa Rica last January.  But, this one is set up so that the Teens run it on their own.  There will be Mentors with them, but all activities, cooking, team building, interactive sessions, rules, scheduling, consensus building, conflict mediation etc etc..........all the components of group dynamics and living together will be led by the group.  They will be staying out at a local camp in cabins, on a lake......with all the facilities needed for a good time.  However, they won't be entertained, scheduled...... or directly led.  The leading is theirs to grab hold of.  

Because of the different cultures and languages, it will be challenged to figure out effective communication strategies, and their empathy and emotional literacy skills will be tested.  It will be difficult at first..........probably small groups will form based on personality and geographical similarities.  But, I guarantee that within a short amount of time, with the guidance of the CISV Leaders, all of whom have had experience with the organization and in group dynamics in some capacity, they will grow and stretch and learn and mature..........  And they will leave with new perspectives, and an understanding that in the greater scheme of things?  We are all the same under our skin.......below the surface.  Our hearts pump the same.  Our hearts feel the same things.

Sure, there will be personality clashes.... it kind of reminds me of Big Brother, but no one is going to get kicked off the campsite!  Guaranteed there will be a couple of misfits.  Chances are they will have at least one difficult personality in the group that may be suffering through their own homesick issues which may make their behaviour a testing ground for patience.  Let's hope there are a few outgoing ones who stir it up, make them laugh, know how to get along with anyone.  And I really hope for their sake that the chemistry amongst them all is one that enhances their gifts and cradles their weaknesses.  

Originally, I was supposed to have organized this 3 week camp.  But, I had to pull out last fall when I realized things were not great on the homefront and I had taken on enough outside of here to thoroughly tax my waning energy and wonky focus.  I'm grateful I did now, because I wouldn't have been able to lead it like I wanted to.  The timing just wasn't right.  This morning though, as I do the last minute things around the house and head out for a BIG grocery shop, and wonder how in the heck I'm going to keep this house cool enough for 5 hot bodies to live comfortably in until Friday (when the heatwave is supposed to die down!) I wish I was heading to the camp with them to watch the drama unfold.  And to be a part of it all.  

What I will get to observe and be a part of is the before and after.........oh, and a visit in the middle.  

Tomorrow is definately a beach day..............which one is up for grabs?  I'm voting for Parlee Beach.  But, I only have one vote...... so we'll see.   In the meantime, time to don my Hostess with the mostess hat, my camp counsellor enthusiasm, and get a move on!  I may have to teach them a thing or two about waterslides..... Or, I may be the one observing,  standing under the sprinkler cooling off.  Either way, I'll be there, learning too. If you're looking for me...........  Wish me luck.  :) 

5 words....to make me think....

Tonight a meme from my beautiful friend Gypsy. She chose 5 words specifically for me to use as a jumping off point for some random thought scribbling. Its always interesting to see where your thoughts go in a writing exercise like this. You can easily narrow in on one itchy idea and go with that. But, if you take a step back a bit, the options on where your words will sail becomes a little more adventurous. I don't know yet where these words will lead, but I'm anxious to find out.... Lets see...

Regret.

Say it silently to yourself, or give it a voice and the word regret still has a taste of salty tears. Listen to it closely and you can hear it sigh remorsefully. Try to lift it and you feel the tugging burden of unresolved mistakes. Regret shackles you to the past and lurks like a stalker obsessed with impacting your present life.

Is there anything good about a little bit of wallowing in a puddle of regret? Well, the longer you stay in that perpetual rumination of blame and shame, the more you want to find the right key to unlock the shackles that bind and get the hell out of there. Perhaps regret in all its self-flagellation, is really a motivator to get unstuck from the moment?



Crazy....

My Psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I asked for a second opinion. So he said, "Ok, you're ugly too."

Badabing! yeah....it's not mine......it's as old as the hills. I stole that from Rodney Dangerfield. But it still makes me laugh.

So, what do I have to say about the word crazy? It's under-rated. Try it sometime. Just remember, there is a HUGE difference between being crazy and being a crazy maker. What's the difference???

Crazy is eccentric, unpredictable, kind of funny, a little outrageous, sort of lovable, RED, PURPLE and Shiny, spontaneously laughs out loud, lightheartedly responsible, motivated to embarrass her children in a crazy auntie kind of way, flirty and friendly, non intrusive, a happy dancing fool. Crazy carries quirkiness in her multi-coloured purse.

Crazy Makers are off balanced, obsessive compulsive , a little frightening, mind manipulators extraordinaire, award winning victims, people's space invaders, motivated by lustful jealousy, not aware of being crazy, always blaming others for misinterpreting their actions, folks with socio-pathological personality traits. Never in the wrong, they deny deny, deny.... Crazy makers carry mind mace in their black bag of endless tricks.

SEE? Big difference eh? So who would you want to share your Fruit Loops with?


Turn.

This week, it's been my turn to be sitting at a student's desk in a classroom listening to the teacher. OH.MY.GOD! I can't stand it!!!!! It is a mind numbing exercise in trying to remained focused on a talking head at the front of the class.

I'm taking a train the trainer course on Non Violent Crisis Intervention. By the end of the day tomorrow, I will not only be qualified to teach this course (believe me, I won't be jumping at the chance to do this as it is written in the instructor's manual) I will be able to restrain you............ legally. So, don't mess with me, unless of course you would LIKE me to restrain you.

Alive....

I don't know which way I'm going
I can't find it on my map....
seems like I get lost if I look too far ahead.
But I know it don't come easy,
life's supposed to be this way....
at least that's what my latest self help guru said.....

Gotta a compass in my pocket
and the sun to guide by day.
But when the lonely stars are out at night
Only love can point the way.

I don't know what I'm after
No answers in the wind.......
seems like its a never ending road of self reflection.
But I'm sick of gazing at this face
I see no beauty looking back,
why can't i simply accept those blatant imperfections?

I have no idea how this fits with the word alive, except that these are the words that just tumbled out of me..... so, well, there you go...........



Passion

Charismatically paradoxical, passion burns and delights. Like the heat of two bodies entwined in a hungry love tango, it simmers in endless longing. Unanchored, passion can force you down onto your knees as well as lift you up into the thin air beyond the clouds, beyond recognition. Whether it stimulates suffering through blind yearning or focused intent, passion has the potential to pump you with enough energetic adrenaline to transform your emotions into determined thoughts, which in turn can move you into action.

Passion can be good or evil, light or dark. It can bring joy or it can surround itself with sobbing sorrow. Unwilling to surrender to mediocre, it suffers fools gladly by consuming disbelievers. Passion has NO time for skeptics.

As much as it can be selfishly all encompassing and bring darkness to this world, it can also be a selflessly open-hearted expression of love. Passion radiates, frightens, motivates, inspires, stirs, refreshes, churns, shocks, delights. It is the central focal point where all emotions derive from, and return to when they need a boost. It makes us want to breathe more deeply, devour more hungrily, wrestle bears with more desire.

Passion has the panache of a flamenco dancer, the mystical faith of a seeker, and the freedom of a gypsy soul. Paradoxically, it has the light fingers of a pickpocket and can steal away your morals. It is what makes you feel crazy, it may even force you to turn your life in a different direction. It certainly wakes you up and makes your whole being feel more ALIVE.

Can it lead to regret? Only if it gets you in trouble. And if you cross that line, I may have to restrain you. I know how.


ps. thanks Gypsy. :)

our own skin

So much of what we learn is through imitation.
So much of what we want is to be just like another.
So much of what we yearn for is to be accepted.
So much of what we do is to feel we're understood.
So much of what we need is to know we belong.
So much of our actions are to show someone we exist.
So much of what we share of ourselves is to try to give love.
So much of what we cry out for is a chance to be loved.

Let much of what we do and learn be with gusto.
Let much of what we do and learn lead us to a sense of belonging and affirmation.
Let much of what we do and learn allow us to offer this feeling to others.
Let much of what we do and learn lead us to that place where we find comfort in our own skin.

off on an adventure.....transitions in the making

After spending the week hanging out with her close friends, saying good bye to some who were taking off to do amazing things for the summer, and attending a party in her honour because she too was about to embark on an amazing summer, my daughter arrived home exhausted and contented. She summed it up beautifully by saying ....."I'm in such a good place with all of my friends. I'm ready now." In order to be ready for this next big step in her life, Martha instinctively knew what she needed to do. I could see it in her face. I heard it in her voice. Her words spoke volumes. She was ready.

Half way through last week, I wondered if she was having second thoughts about spending the summer away from home at a children's camp in a counsellor in training program. But, I could see the frenzy in her actions to arrange her week around the important friends in her life.....to be there to say goodbye to them as they ventured off and to say goodbye for her own sake. And it worked. Yesterday, we packed the van with an enormous amount of "stuff," stopped at the Blue Canoe restaurant for a big scarf of a breakfast and dropped her off at her summer home away from home.....Camp.

We stayed for a short time.....got her settled a little bit in a big cabin she will be sharing with 8 other girls the same age, and then wandered around the grounds of the camp as she moved into the group of new staffers. There was an immediate sense of belonging, as many of them were campers together over the past couple of years. There was also a sense of unease....a bit of discomfort, wondering what to say, what to expect......how it would all unfold.....the new kids standing back from the core group because they are so much more tentative. I watched, standing off the to side where I wouldn't be seen, knowing the butterfly feelings strumming in the bellies intimately. Long ago, I had been there too. First day of camp has that effect.

The day before, my daughter and I had talked on and off as she packed. I tried to hold back on sharing my own memories, and I tried not to give too many "words of advice....." which I'm apt to do. She knows most of my camp stories...... is aware that I'm still in touch with several camp kindreds. So, I didn't feel the need to rehash my stuff. I was just so pleased and excited for her and could see that as much as I wanted this opportunity for Martha, I felt at ease that she had made this decision on her own....that this is something she wanted for herself and hadn't made the decision to be a camp counsellor to please me. I listened to the stories of her previous week .... the ones she wanted to share with me, and I could see a really happy beautiful girl standing in front of me whom I thoroughly enjoy spending time with.

What I did decide to offer to the conversation? How exciting and profound her friendships with her peers will become through all the sharing and "new" adventures. I also told her that there will be times when you know instinctively you have touched a child in a profound way and it feels terrific, but that there will be even more kids whom you will never know about. They won't tell you....or they won't even know it until later in life, but that something you've done.... a kind gesture, a slow down listening moment....a memorable moment sitting around a campfire....recognizing their homesickness when words aren't spoken. You just never know...... but the more you interact with others.... all ages, the more you learn about your own gifts and your own self and the more of an impact you will make in the lives of others. It goes hand in hand.

While I watched the new staffers interacting for the first time as a group, I also couldn't help but think of how far my daughter has moved away from holding on tight to me. Painfully shy and unsure as a little one, I literally had to carry her into the kindergarten class. She would pout every time I left her, even if her father and brother were around. To say it felt claustrophobic is an understatement. It was difficult and I didn't know how to deal with it most of the time. Her first couple of attempts at spending a week at a camp were disasters. In fact, i had to go get her halfway through one stint because she wasn't able to calm herself down at night to go to sleep.

Determined to overcome this, and the shy girl label hovering over her head, she quietly made a concerted effort once she hit middle school when she was 11 years old. She joined a leadership program, took to the stage, sought out new friends who had common interests and began to blossom. It wasn't until months after school had started that year, that she shared her "plan" with her Dad and I. By then, her confidence was lifting and it was of her own making. Every year since then, our daughter has shown her beautiful true colours to more than just her immediate family.

This transition towards more independence ...... one Martha has chosen herself and one she has worked really hard to be as prepared as one can be on the cusp of being 16...... is symbolic on so many levels. We see it and applaud. We are tremendously proud of her; of how she composes herself, of how she intuitively can "read" others, of how kind and considerate she is when she calls us to let us know where she is and what she's up to ...... knows no boundaries. No doubt there will be stumbles and tears. No doubt there will be major frustrations and heartbreak. No doubt there will be even bigger joyful transitions in Martha's life. Who knows what the future holds? We can't predict and we sure as heck can't control it. All we can do is stop and recognize life events as they come and savour them as they evolve. Yesterday, I stood and watched and savoured how much I love her.

As much as we are missing her and will continue to feel her absence so much this summer, we all know Martha is where she wants to be. And because of that, I can honestly state "I'm ready."

I think.....

Neil Young in Saint John

The Godfather of Grunge.....never stopped. Rust never sleeps, right? It was like he was in the zone as he played his guitar, which seemed like an extension of his self. He's been going at it since the mid-60's. His repetoire is extensive.....his eclectic musical interests range from rockabilly to country to the pure rawness of rock. His folk tunes are where I meet him mostly, but my deep awe for his talent and gift of being able to rock the place out after all these years knows no boundaries..... He is the miner for a Heart of Gold.

A few photos....not great and they won't win any prizes, but I think these three capture the energy and the feeling of the concert as best as I could.

The crowd was predominantly my age and some my parent's age, but there was a smattering of youngin's who have found their way to Neil Young. It seems to happen with most kids who are interested in learning how to play the guitar....whether it's a screaming tune or a folk song......there is something for everyone. When he played Cinnamon Girl....a song first recorded in 1969!!!!!.......it seemed just the right mix of folks.....three generations loving the tunes.

There's colours on the street

Red, white and blue

People shufflin' their feet

People sleepin' in their shoes

But there's a warnin' sign

on the road ahead

There's a lot of people sayin'we'd be better off dead

Don't feel like Satan,

but I am to them

So I try to forget it,

any way I can.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

Keep on rockin' in the free world

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

Keep on rockin' in the free world.

I see a woman in the night

With a baby in her hand

Under an old street light

Near a garbage can

Now she puts the kid away,

and she's gone to get a hit

She hates her life,

and what she's done to it

There's one more kid

that will never go to school

Never get to fall in love,

never get to be cool.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

Keep on rockin' in the free world

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

Keep on rockin' in the free world.

We got a thousand points of light

For the homeless man

We got a kinder, gentler,

Machine gun hand

We got department stores

and toilet paper

Got styrofoam boxes

for the ozone layer

Got a man of the people

,says keep hope alive

Got fuel to burn,

got roads to drive.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

Keep on rockin' in the free world

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

Keep on rockin' in the free world.

Young teased the audience into thinking the song was over again and again.....guitar licks would begin to die down and then he would turn around and kick into the chorus again. The crowd responded like a frenzied Revival! Dancing, singing, arms swaying.....lost in the moment together. I love the last photo because of the blur of the swaying arms and bright lights blending them all together. Uplifted in the moment.....just like a good preacher can! :)

it's true....i guess....

10 truths?? Good Lord! I'm pretty much an open book on this bloggie gabfest, except the deep dark secrets and I ain't sharin' with the world. It's a dilemma I tell you, but my beautiful friend Niki has tagged me to spill 10 juicy bits......lets hope what I come up with isn't too darn redundant.

Ready??


1. A bunch of eeejits told me that boobs shrink if you nurse babies. I am here to say that not only is that complete and utter bullshit, nursing makes them LARGELY SAG! I thank the Good Lord for push up bras.

2. While I'm on the topic.......a couple of years ago, I decided I wanted to go to a tanning salon. I was going to a reunion and wanted to look my best....as best can be.... So, I asked around at the office and it turned out most people had been to a tanning salon. I felt like a freak because i had never been. So, off I went with their blushing blessings. Well, the first time was very very weird. There I was buck naked lying on a heated, lighted bed in the basement of this spa.....knowing NO ONE knew I was there. I hated the big LID too close to my face. it made me claustrophic, which I am on my good days. Anyways....got through it and went back to the office proud of myself! The girls were proud of me, but also warned me to be careful next time..... They told me it was easy to burn my nipples and to place a towel across my breasts to avoid the pain. ok, fine.....

So, I go the next time....WITH music to listen to so I wouldn't freak over the coffin feeling of the tanning bed. I lay down, music on and then go to place the small towel over my breasts to protect those sensitive nips. Well guess what??? No worries there! The damn things were tucked under my armpits! Thank God for sagging breasts from nursing!! I had that going for me.

3. You want to woo me? A big bonfire, guitar strumming and some cheap white plonk......I melt. But, who the hell wants to woo a woman with saggy breasts whose nipples tuck under her armpits?

4. I collect phallic Pez dispensers. Everyone has to have a hobby, right?

5. Stir my brain and you've stirred my soul. In my books, there's nothing finer than a good mind......****

6. I had dinner with the Queen. She slurps her soup. Well, that's not true....but I did have dinner with her Royal Highness. Charming woman. Though I knew better not to touch her or put my arm around her unlike Michelle Obama. God, where did she learn her manners???

7. Absurdity is my best friend. That's why I believe nice guys finish lunch....not last....lunch.

8. If I won the lottery, I would flip the bird at the hand that feeds me, and take the trip of endless possibilities. Along the way, I would stop and pick up a few folks to join me because i don't like to travel alone.

9. My favourite parts of the week are Saturday mornings when I am FREE with no strings, time constraints, responsibilities.... I do as I please.... just me. Part of the morning you will find me at the local market....loveitloveit.... And, Sunday afternoons... I love Sunday afternoons putting in my kitchen and in my home... making dinner, writing, listening to the radio or music.... comtemplating, thinking, creating. I wish the whole week was a compilation of Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons.

10. hmmmm.......I was invited to go backstage once to meet Kenny Loggins (this of course was before nursing babies and I was still very perky!). I went, and it was quite anti-climatic because he was short and shy and had nothing to say, unlike the time I met and interviewed Harry Chapin...now that completely lived up to my expectations!! He put his arm around me and said.... "Now what can i do for you??" I was left freakin' gobsmacked....!

There you go Niki. Ten truths....after sipping on a bunch of crushed grapes....xx Gotta love plonk....now where's the fire??

a sigh, a cry and a hungry kiss....

The ladies in the Maritimes would exclaim...."He's right some sexy, that jeezly Leonard!" Filmed in his hometown last summer at the Montreal Jazz Festival.
I love this song....and the lyrics just make me smile and chuckle....teasely jeezly lyrics. enjoy!
ps. His Live from London CD is to be released tomorrow, and the concert will be televised on CBC. Hallelujah...!

my comedian.

It's speech season in this part of the planet. My 11 year old, Max decided to use it as an opportunity to try out his first stand up comedy routine. As luck would have it, I was the practise audience....the test market on a few zingers. We watched a few Youtube videos. I introduced him to Steven Wright who has some of the funniest deadpan lines ever. Good to know Wright made the grade on Max's personal humour meter. Some of his own lines were tossed aside, while others made his final cut. I wish I had a video of him delivering it because I'm sure it was done with his outgoing body language and his great timing.

___________________________________

What's So Funny?

What came first, the alphabet or that annoying song? Have you ever noticed that it has the same melody as twinkle twinkle little star AND that racist black sheep one? A B C D E F G, H I J K LMNOP…..Baa Baa black sheep have you any wool? See? The same..... Did they run out of tunes at the nursery rhyme factory or something?

Oh no! Now it’s going to be stuck in my head all day long.

You know, some people are interested in money or power. Others want to save the world. Special people spend their lives learning about aliens and cats. Me? I’m fascinated by what so funny. NOT what smells funny. I’ll leave that kind of odorous topic for someone else. I want to know what makes me laugh. More importantly, I want to know what makes YOU laugh. Actually I really don’t care. I’m just trying to be nice….shhhh!

People LOVE someone with a good sense of humour. In fact, they love this more than looks or intelligence. You could be the strangest person in the world, but if you can make people laugh, they will treat you like royalty!

There are many different styles of humour….there’s sarcasm and I KNOW
you’d REALLY enjoy the rest of my speech if I continued on sarcastically now wouldn’t you? NOT!

Then there’s what people call toilet humour….you know when someone makes a funny bodily sound in the middle of the class silently writing a test. WE all crack up over that! C’mon, admit it!! Hey! Did you know the whoopee cushion was invented in Canada? TRUE! What discovery is more important to the universe than a piece of rubber that makes the sound of someone passing gas? The telephone? No. Computers? No. The car? Not even close. None of those things make you laugh and laughter my fellow students is the best way to make friends and influence people. Wouldn’t you rather meet someone who is hilarious than Bill Gates? Ok, I think it would be pretty cool to meet Bill Gates….but I’d much rather spend an afternoon hanging with Will Ferrell.

The most important ingredient needed in your humorous bag of tricks is of course the joke. And if you remember all the words, and tell it with the right emphasis it works beautifully. If you time it right and say the punch line with enthusiasm, you’re guaranteed to get a laugh out of someone. Ok, let’s try it….

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says: "Man it's hot in here!!!!" The other muffin shouts….., "Look a talking muffin!!!!"


A wise person once said…well….actually….it was my Mom…. She said that you can always find something humourous every single day. Even when you’re having the worst day ever, you can find something ridiculous about it. This is the kind of humour I like best because its real life and its how I choose to see it. Many stand up comedians like Chris Rock, Gerry Dee, Demetri Martin AND Steve Martin are great at describing the world around them in a very funny way. Jerry Seinfeld makes his living by pointing out the random ordinary events in life that most people don’t even pay attention to.

Here’s an example…..
“Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?”
His whole TV show was based on his interactions with his friends as they went about living life. It is one of the funniest TV shows in history. He described his show as “the show about nothing” yet we all laughed! WE all can relate to the wacky things that happened because they happen in our ordinary lives too.


So, I would like to end this with something to brighten up your day….either to laugh at or make fun of…..ready??

I went to the FREX last September in the middle of a thunderstorm. The power went out. 20 people were stuck on the Merry Go Round for 3 days.

bada boom!

Kitchen parties from the past....

During the long bitter cold days of winter, the welcoming warmth of Canadian kitchens filled with savoury aromas and the comfort of fresh baking help the gentle folk of the Great White North survive....and thrive. In fact, our interactive always active sweet tasting kitchens are sometimes the ONLY allure that will entice us enough to don our parkas, and furry paraphenalia when the temperatures dip below what is humane on a Saturday night and head outdoors. When its so damn cold that the moistness in your nose insta-freezes into scraping shards, when the night air is so freaking frigid your blood chatters like ice in a manhattan, the anticipation of a kitchen party keeps the engine rumbling.

I don't know where the idea that the Maritimes are known for their raucous music filled kitchen parties came from, but it's true. The very best parties take place surrounded by the beer fridge and the munchies oven. Actually if I stop to think about it, these Maritime gatherings most likely began when the majority of houses had woodstoves in their kitchens that may even heat the whole house....it was a survival thang....the rest of the rooms too cold to be comfortable except under a thousand quilts. The tradition continues.....people simply gravitate.

So, it was on one dark dementedly frigid February night when a bunch of families gathered at one house for some fun, 50's style. Normally we don't get into themes, so I don't know where the idea generated from and can only assume the host and hostess were listening to Dean Martin again while reading cocktail recipes....they do this a lot.....it's an obsession. :)

Attic costumes and second hand stores were rummaged as we chose our own garb....our own "take" on the theme. Internet recipes sites which promoted the rib sticking blandness of 50's cuisine were scoured. Hairdos, red/orange lipstick, high heels and little evening purses were pulled out of the air along with cardigans, berets, and hair gel. And all at once the modern kitchen was transformed into a place from the past. It was HILARIOUS! The food was mostly disgusting looking but memorable. And some of it was surprisingly tasty. Gotta love meatloaf, and jello mold salads....YUMMY!

Nothing like white bread and the melted plastic processed cheese which ALWAYS sticks to your teeth and won't let go.....Add cooked greasy bacon on top and you've got yourself a gourmet delight.....aka a cheese dream.... oh, i have dreams of those lip smacking treats every night....

It was concluded that one needs a tropical fru fru drink on hand while stirring the simmering stews and mashing mounds of potatos. It gives the whole enchilada a lemony twist. And if you're drunk enough, you'll eat the crap you've served.


These three kitchen divas know how to keep a party hopping and hot.....their secret? Shaken not stirred..... hahaaha! God, I love hanging with these women! They look so proper don't they? Well, one of them introduced me to the term manscaping. Amazing where the conversation leads while playing an innocent game of rumoli.

This post was inspired by friends who know how to live the life of creative kitchen party absurdists at night while posing as serious professionals by day....and by CARMI at Written Inc, whose photo them this week is "Kitchen..." Thanks Carmi.

simplyfun.....

the view from inside......

The snow is swirling like a wailing banshee in flight and we're all tucked in for the night in this corner of the world. I've got a dog by my feet, a cup of tea within reach and Steve Martin playing bluegrass banjo tunes with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is in the background. How much more could I want? It was that wild and crazy guy who once suggested we give every depressed person a banjo to play because you can't stay depressed if you're playing a happy travelling tune. It sets the atmosphere for some lighter writing........

My new blog friend, Irish Heather, aka "mouthy irish woman," who wears her honest feelings right out on her sleeve, tagged me to answer a few questions.....so here i sit ready to tackle them....you ready to read them?

1. What are you wearing right now? The outfit I wear when I'm blogging of course.... My black tight fitting mini dress, midnight sheer nylons, high heeled shiny leather boots.... sure eh? I do own those things but I ain't wearing them. What I'm really wearing? my red plaid flannels and my crocs with fake jewels on them....and a bright green and pink tulip quilt covering me. 'right cozysexy!

2. What is your biggest fear? Drowning, followed by painting my toenails. That scares the shit out of me.

3. Who is the last person you hugged? Believe it or not, my boss!

4. What was the last item you bought? a small bouquet of flowers for a client I met with in the hospital this afternoon. He's been an in-patient for over 4 months now and I wanted to bring him a little bit of spring for his room. My God, he is so ill! Send him a little prayer will you??

5. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Here, there and everywhere! My number one choice right now though is to attend the Greenbelt festival in the UK in August. I'd like to go to Alaska too.

6. If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? I would SCREAM! Then, I'd adjust myself and go drink milk from the container.

7. Has a celebrity haircut ever influenced your own hairstyle? hmmmm....yes...Billy Ray Cyrus? noooo.... ...Dorothy Hamel comes to mind....she's that Olympic skater from WAY back? I actually change my hairstyle quite often though it hasn't been long for a while.

8. Last movie I watched? Happy Go Lucky....oh, wait a minute...I fell asleep on the couch.... oh, I know it was that Brad Pitt starting old and getting younger movie. It totally creeped me out.

9. If you had a whole day to yourself, with no work, commitments or interuptions what would you do? Without hesitation.............I'd go shopping, to the dentist and then spend the rest of the day cleaning the bathroom. If I had time, I'd throw in a couple of loads of laundry, make dinner and mop the floors. After that, I'd head out to a karaoke bar to drink margaritas and sing Beyonce tunes....."All the single ladies, all the single ladies...."

10. If you were to win the lottery what would you do with the money. BLOW IT on cosmetics and sex toys...wouldn't everybody?

11. What was the last gift you received? When I got home from work last night a package from Paris was sitting in the hallway waiting for me (the contents in the picture below). It was from my friend Tara over at Paris Parfait. It appears I won a draw she held. It made me smile all over..... And if you are looking for an insightful, creative, colourful, thought provoking blog, may I highly recommend you visit Tara's blog. She's a gem.

12. What do you want written on your tombstone? My, how she loved to dance.....

Thanks for askin' Irish Heather. That was fun and timely....I needed to flip on the silly switch. BTW, if you havent noticed? I changed a couple of the questions....hope that was kosher. Oh, and here are some flowers just for you. They are part of my Valentine's bouquet....have a sniff!

It makes every male feel small.....

I don't know what it says about Canadians, but our greatest landmark just happens to be one major phallic symbol. Yes, we are not ones to hide our national family jewels. Standing tall and er, er erect, the CN tower looms largely dominant on the horizon of Hogtown, aka Toronto the good. In fact, wherever you go in the city all you have to do is look UP and there it is, uncovered and kind of boasty.

The above shot I took on the ferry heading to Toronto Island last summer.....To the left of it, the white humpy thing? That's the home of the mighty Toronto Blue Jays......the Skydome. Silly name really given that it looks shrimpy beside the mighty warrior. In actuality, it is quite a large stadium, holding 60,000 people or so (I'm guessing because it rarely sells out these days.)

One of my all time favourite things to do is to attend a baseball game when we're back in the big city. Of all of my accumulated passions, it is the longest running. I was weaned on the game. The first song I learned was "Take me out to the ballgame..." My earliest memories are sitting in the stands with my Mom eating Crackjack and watching my Dad play third base.

For years, I played first base and hit first in the line-up. I can still throw hard, catch about anything and hit it into the outfield. As for my knowledge of the intricasies of the game many call a religion? Try me. It most certainly helps to know a thing or two about knuckleballs, sliders, line drives, golden glovers, pine tar, suicide squeezes and the infield fly rule when you want to have a chat with the boys at work.

It most certainly impressed my husband when we were doing the courting dance.....that and the fact that my Dad had Blue Jays season's tickets! One of the first presents he bought me was a new glove. Honest to God. First were the flowers bloomingly beautiful and delivered after our first date, then a copy of The Idiot by some famous Russian guy (I never managed to get through that one!!) and the third gift.....the one that lasted? A supple leather glove for his little southpaw (me). Ah, love......

Anyways.....the above and below shots of the mighty phallus we lovingly call the CN Tower were taken in between the unfolding action on the field at a Jays game last summer.

As soon as the sun started to head south, the national colours appeared, outlining it's best bits. There's no getting around the intrusive thoughts on what the lovely red glow conjured up. Remnants of from Canada Day of course.

Yes, what more could a gal want.....base running, homeruns, men in uniforms swingin' and a slidin', a view of a perpendicular structure standing tall up into the heavens and the constant cry of "Hot Dogs, popcorn....get your penis here!" I was hearing it right wasn't I? oh.....I've just been informed that it's peanuts.....hmmm....peanuts.

See the red ring? Just above that is the revolving restaurant. I've never had dinner up there, but have travelled up the side in the whooshing elevator several times to the lookout level just below. It's both an amazing experience (albeit really overpriced) and an amazing view of the city and of Lake Ontario. There's nothing like being way UP there looking down at the world in motion. Yeah, it's a bit of a rush....a 'right sexy turn on you could say.

or not....

This week's theme at Carmi's place is UP! Carmi, I couldn't help myself....had to take a Tower swipe at it. Check out other photo themes by heading HERE..........

"memories come back to haunt me....."

This is my fourth Springsteen song lyric post. Yeah, have been working on a theme! I've also tried to write four distinctive pieces of writing this week.....a story, a poem, and an informational piece. Tonight .......... drumroll puhleeeeeze ...... something for Nashville. Just need someone to twang out a tune on their geeetar....any takers??

My Somebody Closer


Just poured a second cup of coffee,
Waiting for the dawn
I'm filled with haunting memories
In the body of our song
Of a day so long forgotten
In the rippling of the years
I'm lost in your soft expression
Trying to hold back my tears.
______
Can you be my somebody closer
Instead of a figment in my dreams
Or will you haunt my waking everyday
Your laughing eyes unseen
I want to live out our memories
Our love captured in the breeze
This is my early morning yearning
Please set my heart at ease.
________

We walked away in silence

too young to see ahead

No fairy tale ending binds us

Our separate ways instead

Yet through the fog of lonely

I see your shadow on my soul

I'm aching for your fingers touch

Your roughworn hand to hold.

______

Can you be my somebody closer
Instead of a figment in my dreams
Or will you haunt my waking everyday
Your laughing eyes unseen
I want to live out our memories
Our love captured in the breeze
This is my early morning yearning
Please set my heart at ease.

_________

There you go! It needs a couple more verses, but my honky tonk is tired. If anyone is interested in carrying on, please by all means.....Daisy?