breathing..........

Yesterday, I sat with a woman in her new living space, out in the middle of nowhere. She and her children moved there on the weekend. They had no choice but to move away from their house.....to seek safety and piece of mind.

The middle of nowhere. Do you know where that is? I do. I've been there many times, in many places, in many spaces. Always feels and is the middle of nowhere. It's between here and there. Somewhere in the woods. Sometimes down the hall in an apartment building of anonymity. In the core of the city. Way out in the country. Tucked away and out of sight, down a dust splaying dirt road. Dead end. Under the radar. Behind the door. No amenities. Away, away. Lost.

Neighbours? Maybe. But, no neighbours who have the capacity to be neighbourly.

Family? Maybe. But, no family members who have the strength and energy to look outwardly.

The middle of nowhere is a deserted place void of healthy community lifelines. That's how it feels because that is what it is.

I initially drove right past the turn off. Though I had travelled this road many many times, I had never noticed the turn off before. Nowhere is invisible when you have another destination. You need directions to get there even if it's a familiar community. So, i found myself backtracking with new eyes searching for a break in the road to indicate a turn off. Eventually, my eyes spotted it and I turned onto an ungraded drive feeling like I had come across a forgotten place which should've been called Despair Drive.

Give us this day our daily bread.........and a little bit more, please.

The buildings, 5 or 6 of them looked neglectfully dilapidated on the outside. Beyond repair, like it was going to eventually collapse into a heap of compost only to be swallowed up by weeds. And a church too. An abandoned little church. Out in the middle of nowhere. Was it a religious community at one point? Who knows? Did God walk away and forget about this place?


Situated as one of a bunch of inhospitable dwellings, their new home fit right in. Hope hadn't visited this cul-de-sac in the middle of nowhere in a while, or so it appeared. A mangy old dog greeted me as I looked around at broken bits rusting in tall grass and dirt paths and thought to myself, "Dear God..... Is this truly the "middle of nowhere? Are you keeping tabs on these people? How can I help this family I'm about to meet?" I had only been provided with minimal facts concerning their plight, enough to know the severity..... bad enough to be asked to make sure they were safe from harm.....bad enough to be asked to follow up promptly. I had to fill in the gaps to prepare my approach and to manage my own reactions.

Counselling in the middle of nowhere expects that of you. Being effective as a counsellor means you have to be open to the journey of discovery but also to be able to protect yourself by preparing as much as you can......judgements and expectations have to put on the back burner, especially when you're trying to make an initial connection. But, your intuitive antennae is never turned off. A balance between being open to whatever happens, responding supportively, and making sure of your own comfort level is assuaged is key. Especially in the middle of nowhere.

As I turned into the driveway to park, I spotted a group of children peaking out at me as they played happily together with the mangy dog. Guess he's a friendly old mange, I thought. Looks can be deceiving. Never judge the facade, I remind myself again.

Beyond the frollicking kids was a garden...a thoughtfully mended garden of daylilies and daisies which seemed to take away from the pockmarked painted homes. And yet, I wondered how deserted this alcove in the middle of nowhere would look like in the dead of winter. Barren and isolated. Coldly bereft. Yesterday, however, the wildflowers and lush landscape in the background allowed the light to shine through the cracks. Hope may not have been visible to the naked eye, but it was definately lurking yesterday. I approached the front door, swinging wide open.....the springs long gone and was greeted by a smiling little urchin dressed in her dress up clothes.......for fun. I told her she looked like a beautiful tulip. Smiling, she twirled for me to show off the magic of her sparkling dress. Her long brown hair, knotted from summer winds lifted up as she swirled around faster. At that, her mom came to the door to invite me in. Big smiles on her as well. This was a family in crisis, I had been told. What I was greeted with were genuine smiles.

I crossed the threshold where I left dilapidation behind, and where I entered into a clean and bright hallway that ushered me into her new living room that was painted a glowing sunny yellow which reflected off the shiny hardwood floors. The windows were propped open with plastic containers filled with magnetic letters for the fridge and multi-coloured building blocks for rainy day towers. Sweet summer breezes scented by wild roses wafted through. Hint of pine. She had already unpacked her family's belongings and managed to turn her kitchen into a functioning place...........no boxes to empty....everything where it should be. She even managed to hang a few decorations. Wow....such efficiency! Such focus and calm! This woman has made big strides in less than a day to turn the living space into a sanctuary.....into a home.

And the light shone brightly in the middle of nowhere, where we sat in a bright yellow living room surrounded by inquisitive kids eating fresh strawberries......the juice colouring their chins a delicious red. When I asked the woman how she was feeling. She looked me right in the eye and simply stated: "I can breathe again. For the first time in 14 years, I can breathe again. It feels like a dream."

She found a calm refuge in the middle of nowhere. Isn't that something? Tonight, I think of her and of the kids and know they are breathing deep breaths of relief. The other stuff they have to contend with? It will happen after they gulp up the fresh air they found in the middle of nowhere.