It made me think about the sweeping generalizations we often make that can lead to misunderstandings and even angry words shouted at another human being. It can lead to a person dismissing the thoughts and feelings of another human being disrespectfully. Sweeping generalizations can shower hurt and pain on a cherished friendship.........in a matter of seconds! Poof! Both individuals walking away in anger.....digging their heels in, wondering what the hell just happened.
Then, I read this tonight......................
"To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, "I no longer hold your offense against you." But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the "offended one." As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or worse, pull them as a heavy load. The grea temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then defince ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other, but also ourselves. "
Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey
Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey
So..............if both parties have dug their heels in, thinking that the other was the offender, how do they get to forgiveness? Just wondering........that's all.
11 comments:
Forgiveness is such an important thing....living your life holding grudges is no way to live your life, you just focus on negativity! The key is to never forget what happened so you don't let it happen again...in any aspect in life.
As for your question, I think in a case like that both parties can forgive based on what they percieve the situation to be. And if enough time has passed, and both ar adults, I think things can be worked out, even if it's a to a point where they agree to disagree!
I so agree with K, above forgiveness is for yourself :)
It was a hard but grateful lesson I learnt not all that many years ago. But I am so glad I did.
Shaz
interesting..........I agree with you both.
Here are some generalizations I am pondering.......
I think we tend towards generalizations in our conversations when we are either not in touch with or don't want to be in touch with our true thoughts and feelings..for whatever reason. It's an attempt to stay safe.
I realize that one can't always have deep open meaningful heartfelt conversations......my goodness we'd be bleeding out all over the place all the time, but one can remain cognizant of one's own "triggers" when a discussion gets heated.
Personally, for example, one of the triggers for me is when I am feeling dismissed....whether it's my opinion or my whole person. I automatically want to lash back when I receive a message that I'm stupid and therefore my opinions don't matter. Obviously I get caught from time to time....and don't listen to my own gut telling me to just let it slide.
Honestly and openness....are key, especially when treading on topics that have the potential to be explosive. No need to avoid them, that's for sure......they can spice things up....... but to know yourself is to be a better communicator.
I so agree with that too its funny I can be very volatile but as I get older and let more go the easier it becomes, Its strange how even through huge adversity lately I am at peace. (I dont take being written off as stupid lightly though and I dont think any one should) I love that I can now accept and respect differences, as my mum would say your such a bigger person now Shaz. Mmmm I hated that but hey sometimes the truth hurts hey. I am just calmer, I love how you get fired up and express your opinion its valid and honest and thats what I like about it never hold back it works. I dont and I feel its passionate.
Wow that was a ramble but anyway its late here and I think I have lost it,lol. Goodnight xx
Forgiveness is essential in letting go of anger that can poison one's life. All too often people cling to their anger, bitterly viewing themselves as victims - but they're victims of their own self-loathing, because they're letting the past stunt their future. I think in life everyone is either a survivor or a victim. Sometimes victims can't let go - misery is all they know.
I love your blog, your writing style sucks me in, I can't stop, I feel like I'm in the moment feeling what you feel.....I found your blog through PrincessSpy (my buddy).
I enjoy reading your views and they really inspire me.
This one today I had to post on, I have been harbouring hurt feelings toward 2 very good friends that hurt me or I hurt them, after reading your blog I've decided who cares they aren't worth losing over it, move on, get over it. I've expended too much energy over this, it ends today!
thank you very much!
hi shaz....
I think sometimes because I let it all hang out that I have to take what comes back at me more readily. Like you, I have learned to be more receptive and can find a level of peace.....but every now and then......yikes!
Tara.....letting go of things is key.
I am involved in some training development this week on conflict resolution.....ah, the irony..... what was discussed this morning was the "letting go" is a letting go of our ego, which often gets in the way of our ability to be empathic in our understanding of where the other person is coming from. By letting go of our "ego" we can reach a point where our integrity is more whole, where we can find the important essence in our heart to share compassion and empathy.
It will be interesting training once it is fleshed out a bit.....and will be delivered to the field staff. Looking forward to it.
Taycreek.....welcome!! You live in a beautiful area! I'm so pleased you left me a message and that this little post has offered you a chance to re-evaluate the importance of your personal friendships.
You know what? It helped me too. :)
Thank you for your kind words.....
xoxo to you all.
Thank you for your post today D. I think it is important for us to remember how liberating forgiveness can be. It will set you free. Sometimes it takes forgiving yourself even if you cannot forgive the other who has hurt you over and over again. Either way the freedom is empowering.
I don't know how anyone could dismiss what you are saying because I find whatever you are saying worth listening to...those who dismiss you are just not insightful enough to recognize greatness.
OMG Sunny!! You crack me up!
It's my perception of being dismissed.....it's my trigger and my shit that I need to improve on. I dont believe that when this has happened to me that the person has conciously dismissed me. And if it does happen, it's because of the emotional heat of the situation. I actually just spent the afternoon with a person who "triggered" me this way a while back. It had never been resolved for many reasons......though we have spoken to one another on many occasions, there had always been a schism....kind of like a big elephant in the living room and no one is acknowledging it?
Anyways..........providence intervened. We are now going to be working on developing training on Conflict resolution as I mentioned earlier. When we had a chance to talk alone, she said something that made me tear up.....and give her a hug
"it's hard being a human being. It's hard trying to figure out ourselves, isn't it?"
i think the elephant may have left the living room.
that last post about your *trigger person* was so perfect to illustrate your whole message dana!!! Liberating is a great adjective to desribe the effects of forgiveness. I think Jesus said we are to gorgive seventy times even for a good reason He knows how tough it can be especially towards ourselves. Btw, awareness is an incredibly fitting moniker for you mis canadien!!
hi robert...it was an amazing thing to have happened right after I wrote the piece. A wink from the cosmos, perhaps.
My blog moniker was suggested to me by a good friend who also had lent me the Anthony de Mello book, Awareness...... I love the name of it, because the concept has given me some direction.....albeit wide ranging......for my writing.
Awakening and awareness leads to a sense of wonder......and wondering. I want to remain in that mode..... :)
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