living in dread

John and I spent a couple of hours together on Friday morning trying to sort a few things out. His biggest need right now is to find a new place to live which is why I had booked an appointment to meet with him. When I first met him in September in his "home" to help him apply for a disability pension, he was in a state of dread and desperation. He still is. But, he's now on TWO waiting lists for affordable clean housing, closer to amenities, closer to help. When I had heard that a frontline worker was trying to reach him to "ask" if his name could be shared with the local "non-profit" housing organization so that THEY could contact him for an interview to see if he would be a good candidate for one of their apartment units, I knew this would confuse him beyond his comprehension.

John has been trying to seek help for years............YEARS to no avail. Consequently, as it would any one of us, he had lost his temper when he has left messages that aren't returned.........he had threatened with his words, tried to seek help through human rights, called his local politician, called his financial worker to intervene, shouted obsenities to faceless workers over the phone.........his desperate tactics and reactions only created defensive responses by the "people" who could help him. As far as they were concerned, because he was faceless to them, John had dug his own hole.


The system is a failure. Unable to understand the reactionary behaviour of a man at his wits end, who lashes out with venomous words.......... the system blames him and turns away.........


He arrived in a snowstorm, after securing a ride into town with a neighbour, with a shopping bag full of papers; form letters from various government departments, requesting information and updates. One to apply for a fuel supplement for which he would qualify, another to re-apply for medicare because his was expiring............heating bills, monthly expense calculations, lists of government people whom he has tried to contact. The shopping bag of papers overwhelmed him. On top of that, he couldn't afford a stamp to mail the forms. After paying his bills, he only has $7.00 left for the rest of the month.
Important, immediate this took precedence. We began by focusing on the shopping bag of responsibilities. As I began filling out the forms for him, the fear and dread poured out..........

• The water pipes in his rundown mini-trailer have frozen
• He still has fleas in his trailer and he's tried to get rid of them
• Mold is growing in the walls. He knows it makes him sick.
• He is $600.00 behind in his hydro payments
• Despite only living in a mini-trailer, his hydro/heating bills per month are more than $200.00 a Month because two of his windows have rotted off the sills.
• His body aches
• He is bone weary tired
• He's so sorry if he offended anyone...................
  

And all the while he is sharing this unbelievable list, he is apologizing for how he has behaved, for the voice mail messages he has left on my phone...........and on many phones around town.

And all the while he is sharing his overwhelming shopping bag of his life in dire poverty, he continues to call me "dear." It's the Maritime way......................"dear" said with compassion.

And all the while he is telling me about his aches and pains, his depression and physical numbness...................I am cursing inside, feeling overwhelmed, wondering how I can secure a clean, warm apartment for him. I have been told in the past that he's a "priority. I've heard responses like..........."he's a great candidate for one of the new apartments we are building" which is beyond comprehension since the shovel hasn't even broken ground. This man's needs are immediate.

What is he asking for? He is asking for a safe warm affordable place to live..........a place with a flush toilet, running clean water, no fleas.............a place where the wind doesn't whistle through like a loud locomotive. He is asking for the chance to have more than 7 dollars left in the middle of the month so he can buy food. He is asking for help. He is asking to be treated with dignity and respect.

"Please, dear".........................he pleas, as he shows me the flea bites on his legs.

I continue to fill out the forms, and look through his shopping bag to find the needed bills etc to attach to the proper forms and to listen to him pour out his heart. I show him where to sign the forms and then take them to our mail box............ His shopping bag is lighter. He is relieved for the moment. I can see some tension leave...........his burdened shoulders visibly relax.

I reassure him......call him dear..............and on the way out the door into the snowstorm, I walk with him past many offices to introduce him to the people whom he has left curses on their voice mails. He smiles a tired smile............"nice to meet you, dear" and leaves with them a different view of his human face. It has a profound affect on a few of them I learn later.

Poverty is fear, malnutrition, chronic bad health, loneliness, illiteracy and depression. Poverty is the look of dread and dreariness on the face of a desperate human being. Poverty is alive and well in this country. Poverty is sucking the marrow out of our collective souls. Poverty is bone crushing fatigue from living with dread and fear.

It's time for real action. It's time to meet our neighbours who are barely surviving, who are living in unacceptable conditions right down the road from where you live.

It is beyond time to demand we have a system that works............a system that is compassionate and capable of being the safety net for our needy. This province........this country needs a strategy on poverty that not only fixes the holes in the safety net, but that revolutionizes the perceptions and attitudes of all Canadians.