remembrance......

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

John McCrae, May 1915

We wear the red poppie on dark lapels in remembrance.  Inspired by Dr. McCrae's poem which he penned after losing a friend during the Battle of Ypres, we wear the poppie as a way to keep the faith, to keep the stories alive for those who sleep.   My last contribution this week to the photo theme, RED.  For more photos, check out Carmi's blog. 

Man in the Mirror.

He had such brilliance and talent but was imprisoned in a tragically wounded soul. His success was astounding. His demise was astounding. His death is a shock. His music lives on.

Perspective is a great teacher when you open your eyes.....

I do have one question burning in my brain.....what's gonna happen to Bubbles? Oh, and who did he leave the Elephant Man remains to? I'm sure CNN will eventually inform us. Hold onto your crotches friends, we're in for a long long summer.....

Huron Carol

This is the first Canadian Christmas hymn, written in the early 1600's by Jesuit Father Jean de Brebeuf. Right after he wrote this hymn, he was ceremoniously murdered by the Iroquois confederacy, who went on to virtually obliterate the Hurons and their culture. They were encouraged in this by the British colonial interests who were seeking control of French claimed territory, much of which was Huron territory originally. The descendents, not many, live in a few villages in the province of Quebec, but their language is mostly lost.....floating in the history of the complicated birth of this nation we call Canada.

Bruce Cockburn also sings a beautiful rendition of this song too.

November Tolls

Lost notes

muffled by wayward apparitions
seep out of the stormfront
weeping their dreary sound
onto loosened images
etched in shades of grey
carpeting a lonely landscape
where melancholy lingers.


The flowers of the forest play on.


A cavalry of hollow dreams
loom over clay remnants
on a stubbled field
where fog blurs reality into images.

Good friends never come back.

As the last note is played,
echoing on the edge of fog fed light
Notes lost in the blues
where silence renders memories
where life once harboured hope.



The world is waiting for the sun
to rise out of the grey draped hills
Until then.....we will recognize for whom the bell tolls.

the vigil, 1914-1918

Fredericton skyline at twilight, November 4, 2008

During World War 1, Canada, a country of 8 million people, lost 68,000 soldiers in battle. If one was to project this casualty loss now it is equivalent to losing close to 300,000 soldiers in Afghanistan. Incomprehensible. Incomprehensible.

Today, one Canadian soldier from that "Great" War is alive today, and with him goes the only living thread we have to our human stories of that time in our history. Faces fade along with the multi-sensory acuity of what was a dark and sorrowful time on this planet we call home.

To commemorate the 90th anniversary of the end of World War 1, a living memorial is being projected in several cities across this country as well as at Canada House , located beside Trafalgar Square in London, England. It began at sunset in London on November 3rd , with the Queen in attendance to mark the sobering reflection. From that moment until sunrise on Remembrance Day, the names of all the soldiers will be projected onto a memorial for all the world to see. The project was created by two visionaries, Canadian actor RH Thompson and lighting expert Martin Conboy.

Light transforms our memories into present day thoughts. Memories are what makes us human. Every single human being who died has a living story. If you are living in or close to one of these cities, which includes Fredericton (at Memorial Hall at UNB), Halifax, Ottawa, Toronto, Regina, Edmonton, Calgary and /or London England, I recommend a detour from your busy day to stop for a few moments.....to connect to our past, to recognize these 68,000 men who were sons, fathers, brothers, uncles, nephews, friends, neighbours......... and if you aren't able to attend it in person, here is a link to the site and another to the government website. The names will be projected slowly and continually until next Tuesday, November 11th.

Lest we forget.

Atop the Lord Beaverbrook Hotel, October 2007

Today I stood with the crowd at the cenotaph which sits majestically between the beautiful Christchurch Cathedral in downtown Fredericton and the Saint John River.

Remembering

Listening

Acknowledging

Trying to feel what it must've been like

How it must've felt.

What is must feel like now

As we stood together in silence,

the trumpet sound still resonating in our collectivity

I looked over at the big willow tree by the side of the river

Its remaining leaves and branches swaying in the brisk November wind.

It seemed to have it's own rhythm, unfettered by the power of the wind.

It made me think differently of the blustery seasonal wind, which often makes us cold and uncomfortable. It can feel overpowering and in charge. However, instead of thinking that it is a nuisance, that it can bite right through you when you havent bundled up for it's onslaught, I began realizing that perhaps the wind is more representative of freedom.

Can you imagine not being able to feel the freedom of the wind?

Can you imagine living a life where we can't have our own rhythm?

I turned my face to the biting wind as I walked away at the end of the service and quietly said thank you to the men and women who have fought for our freedom.

Birthdays and Remembrance

Out of the large group sitting around the campfire a little over a week ago, 3 of us had the same birth date. September 11th. It used to be an obscure little day, but nevermore. We talked about how strange it is to be celebrating our birthdays on a day when the rest of the world is in remembrance, and how people react when you tell them that your big day happens to land on the infamous 9-11. They get all quiet and serious..........kind of how one responds when one hears you're suffering from something.

"Oh.....really? Gee.........."



But the flip side of it? No one forgets. I love that part!



Last year on this day, I wrote about the fact that change, including changing our world, begins by looking within. So many events occur outside of our control. What we do have control over is how we react to the event. Sadly, we are not as far along as we would like to be. Change is happening in Afghanistan for women and children, though it is and must continue slowly in order to somehow take root. However, 6 years post 9-11, the world still searches for Bin Laden. The threats to our safety loom large. There is still an empty space where the World Trade Centre once graced the skyline. We have much to do. We have a long way to go.



Last year, I read a book entitled Praying Naked by Francis Stroud. It contains teachings originally written by Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest whose work continues to resonate 20 years after his death. I've written about it in the past, but I returned to it because of the messages it had on meditative prayer. I'm a firm believer that "life is 10% things that happen to you and 90% how you react to the 10%" it seemed like a good idea to remind myself that what I can control is my way of responding.



Events happen outside of yourself. Change happens from within. If we want change, if we want to alter our understanding of the world around us, we must focus on developing enlightenment from within. It's what we can control.....our awareness. Though we can learn from our past, our history, we can't change it. We need to focus on today, the present....a gift from God.Take the time today to be still for a couple of moments..........to clear your head of all cluttering thoughts. Focus on the sounds around you.....and on your breathing...........be aware of the fact that if you are focused on your own breathing and the various sounds around you.........you will begin to calm those ongoing thoughts and feelings related to all the external stress you may be absorbing.



These first few steps are the beginning of meditative prayer. How simple is that?And to think all these years, I thought prayer was such a complicated ritual only performed before meals and in church, when in fact it is simply a way of silencing and calming all the "noises" at anytime..........a method of stripping away everything one can't change in order to become more awake to who we are.



I wish I had the ability to stop all wars.........to rid the world of evil................. but it ain't gonna happen. What I can do, however is control how I respond and react to these events. I will take the time to day to remember the tragic events of 9-11 and all the events before and after it.



And then, I will meet my husband for lunch to celebrate life and my birthday.



I borrowed this quote last year from Paul, who had posted it on his blog then. It captivated me than as it does today. It was written by a friend. I'm sorry Paul, I can't remember who is was........



"A way of coming back to the harbour of ourselves is to ask who we are. It takes a whole lifetime to take your place in your own life. Solitude is given to you to receive yourself. Maybe dear friends it's time to illuminate God in the mirror of our souls?"

understanding and trying to figure it out

cloud view from the Burton Bridge

If you cross the Saint John river over the Burton Bridge, you will find yourself very close to CFB Base Gagetown, home to many Canadian military men and women, over a thousand of whom are stationed in Afghanistan, and many more who are preparing to take their turn in the coming year. In the area surrounding the base.....in small close-knit communities like Burton, Lincoln, Geary, Sheffied, Maugerville, and in larger centres like Oromocto and Fredericton military families live and work and pray for the safety of their loved ones.

Like all close knit communities, the immediate families are surrounded by extended families which include relatives but also a much wider net of caring and concerned people who are their friends and neighbours. Because of the longstanding history of the base, many people who live in the area settled in after their tours of duty. The ties to the Canadian Armed Forces are strong. Feelings and commitment run deep, and spread out to touch the hearts of others in the area who may not have a loved one fighting over in Afghanistan, but feel a sense of fellowship because our lives are intertwined.

Classmates, workmates, encounters at the local Tim Hortons.

Friends, neighbours, connections with the people selling goods and produce at the Saturday market.

University of New Brunswick is the Centre for Conflict Studies. The History department has a strong focus on military history.

We are a community with a strong military commitment and a deep sense of pride because of it.

Red is the colour worn on Fridays.

Yellow "support the troops" ribbons adorn the backs of most cars, and are wrapped around many trees. Unlike Toronto where there is an ongoing debate over whether or not to show support the troops......it's a way of life here. It is respected.

I didn't grow up in the area, nor did I grow up near an armed forces base. I also grew up at a time when patriotism shown through a strong military need wasn't even on the radar in my hometown. It was very foreign to me, and admitedly still is to some extent. I have no family ties to CFB Gagetown, past or present. Living in and amongst military families and friends who are impacted directly by the Base, I have had the privilege of learning from them.

There is a definate heightened feeling of anxiety and alertness to what is going on in Afghanistan and other hot spots around the world because it is a way of life. It impacts directly. It is not something we can keep from the kids, as you could in areas not connected to an army or air force or naval base. They hear the news...........whether it's a tragic story or an upcoming rally to support the troops and they want to know. They have friends whose Mom or Dads are in the military. Its a way of life and it must be discussed......communication has to remain open in order to help them understand.

Yesterday, we (including the children) learned of 6 more soldiers killed in Afghanistan by a roadside bomb. I could see it in my children's eyes as the reality was broadcasted on the car radio.......

"Are the soldiers from here?"

"I don't know yet. The families are informed first before the names are released to the public."

"Why do they do that? How do they tell them?"

"It shows respect to the families so they can have some private time. The military try to contact them by going to their homes to tell them in person."

"So, all the families across Canada are waiting wondering if it is their Mom or Dad? I can't imagine how they must be feeling right now....."

"It would be very very difficult. I can't imagine either."

Yesterday, we learned of 6 more soldiers killed in Afghanistan by a roadside bomb. Media and spin bureaucrats talk of the attack as a terrorist attack rather than war related. What does that mean? Terrorism is war. And unfortunately, terrorism knows no geographic boundaries. How does one try to explain this to a child?

transitions.......of grief

Today was filled with many strong feelings, as we begin to say good-bye. My father-in-law passed away last night. After struggling with many health issues for such a long time, but fighting them with the piss and vinegar he was known for, he quietly fell asleep and found peace.

Peace.

Relief, grief, fatigue, joy, sorrow, confusion, and loss feed all of our brains with an overloaded sense of fogginess. None of us are thinking to clearly and yet, we have to make decisions, and we have to continue go about our lives as we prepare to celebrate his life.

Today, we spoke to many people on the phone. Our families live far away as do many of our oldest friends, spread out across the country. Every single person has their own memories of my father in law......their own "remember whens..." The stories, filled with loss and joy..... stoked us.

This afternoon, I pulled out a big box of photos along with the ones that made it to albums and spent time sifting through 20 years of family events.......weddings, anniversaries, Christmas mornings, births and baptisms, summer beach suppers, birthdays. So many snapshots, each coming alive with conversations. I'm starting to remember.

I'm remembering ......because I had forgotten. The focus has been on failing health, on aging. My father-in-law had been so cognitively distant for so long that I had lost the thread to our many heated debates over current events, his history lessons on Canadian politics, his enthusiasm for a big lobster feed, his gameness to try anything at least once, his love the Hamilton Tiger Cats football team, or his child-like excitement on Christmas morning opening presents, with a cup of coffee and a bloody caesar as a chaser on the side table.


I had forgotten how thrilled he was the first time he met his one and only grand daughter......so thrilled that when he took her from my arms his "swoop" left me in sheer terror that he was going to wing her over his shoulder so hard she'd fly through the air.


The pictures triggered and stoked........the memories.

I took my thoughts out to the garden and while I pulled weeds, I found myself surrounded by several different bird songs.........robins, orioles, sparrows, morning doves, blue jays, chickadees.......music of life all around...... and I was feeling relief along with grief along with appreciation..... As I worked quietly in my garden, I gave over to a free flowing of whatever memories showed up, knowing my father in law is now at peace.

Peace.........peace sung by the birds......

The layers are falling away.........the layers of the most recent years of seeing my father in law declining.....of watching his strength leave him.......to reveal his zest for life. It's all part of my own transition. Living and doing while remembering offers me the thread to my memories which in turn help turn a corner to a place where I can celebrate a life well lived. We all have our own process, our actions may be different I realized today but it's so important to allow all the feelings to surface especially during the time between someone's death and the funeral. I realized how I am, like every member of my family, like all the people who have been touched by my father in law, taking steps closer to being able to celebrate a life well lived.

Tonight, we drove my husband to the airport for the second time in a week. He is on his way home to make plans and to be with his mother and siblings. His best friend is flying in from Delaware to be with him, and we will follow up at the end of the week to take part in the celebration of "Mr. King of the Road," George "Buzzie" Kerr's life. I suspect that a party will erupt in his honour.

But right now, I feel like I've been struck by a transport truck. My heart is heavy and I'm exhausted, as are my sleeping children. Tonight, I will crawl in between them and find comfort.

like a river

View from Springhill Road, Saturday at dusk

Calm before the storm

Love is flowing like a river,

Flowing out from you and me.

Flowing out into the desert,

Setting all the captives free.

Peace is flowing like a river,

Flowing out from you and me.

Flowing out into the desert,

Setting all the captives free.

Joy is flowing like a river,

Flowing out from you and me.

Flowing out into the desert,

Setting all the captives free.

Days when words fall short, we should let hymns speak for us. I heard this hymn sung in the background of a news story about a church service which happens once a month in the town of Oromocto New Brunswick where Canada's largest armed forces based is located. Last Wednesday evening over 100 people gathered for a service to sing and to pray.........to share and to gather strength........and to collectively send it to their friends and family members who are deployed. The service also allowed the first opportunity for some to come together after the 6 soldiers were killed. 2 more New Brunswick soldiers were killed that day too, though the news hadn't been announced yet............

flowing like a river.......

Now as we learn about the senseless killings in Virginia........what can be said?

No words...........just a hymn............flowing like a river

And for the third day in a row, the eastern seaboard of the United States and Canada is being pelted by angry rain, ice and wind.................

It feels like the sky is crying with rage.

Let us seek some solace in a hymn.

Love is flowing like a river,

Flowing out from you and me.

Flowing out into the desert,

Setting all the captives free.

Peace is flowing like a river,

Flowing out from you and me.

Flowing out into the desert,

Setting all the captives free.

Joy is flowing like a river,

Flowing out from you and me.

Flowing out into the desert,

Setting all the captives free.

Can you hear the lonely echo of the solitary bugle?
Can you hear the shivering anguish
in the silence between the notes?
stark
suppressed
sorrow
Today we stand together in silent tears
Listening to the heart pain of past and present wars.
The spirit echo

More than remembering
More than remembering
More than remembering

Today is the 90th anniversary of the Battle of Vimy Ridge in France. As most Canadians know this battle is considered a turning point in the historical development of the identity of this country on an international level. Thousands of our men died there. It's effects have reverberated since. The monument which towers over the fields of Vimy is stunning in it's force.


5 or 6 years ago, after several scathing articles were written about the fact that it was falling apart, the government arranged to have it restored. Today was it's unveiling.

Thousands attended the very moving ceremony.........veterans, families, 5000 Canadian school children, politicians. The Queen was there re-dedicating the monument. Our Prime Minister spoke eloquently capturing our collective feelings. Solemn, sombre, respectful. Pride and sadness felt by many Canadians and many French whose lives were impacted even more so by the Great World War 1.

The National media have provided wonderful coverage of the memorial services as well as the more personal stories that still continue to evolve that were based in a place where thousands of Canadian soldiers were killed.....their remains left under the soil. It has been a weekend of re-learning and re-acquainting collectively of a time in history that is etched into our identity.

More than remembering.

Yesterday during our Easter celebrations, during our remembrance of Vimy, we learned that 6 Canadian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and several were injured. 5 0ut of 6 soldiers were based out of CFB Gagetown, located in the town of Oromocto New Brunswick.

The news struck hard in this community of 9000 people........a community which is part of my community. Upon hearing the news, not knowing the names of the fallen, all I could think of were the thousands of families and friends who would be sitting in shock waiting and hoping they wouldn't receive the news that their own had perished.


Time stopped yesterday at CFB Gagetown while everyone held their breath. Time became an enemy. 2500 troops from this small community are in Afghanistan.........many are "from away........" grew up in other parts of this country. But, Oromocto and the surrounding area is where they call home now.

The Canadian memorial weekend in France, honouring a battle 90 years old was thrust into the present......

Today we learn their names. Today, we pray as we embrace the families and friends of these young men......members of our community.

weeping woman, Vimy Ridge

Sgt. Donald Lucas, 31, of Burton, N.B.
Cpl. Aaron E. Williams, 23, of Lincoln, N.B.
Pte. Kevin Vincent Kennedy, 20, of St. Lawrence, N.L.
Pte. David Robert Greenslade, 20, of Saint John, N.B.
Cpl. Christopher Paul Stannix, 24, of Dartmouth, N.S.
Cpl. Brent Poland, 37, of Camlachie, Ont.

The monument which towers over Vimy Ridge is called Canada Bereft.

Bereft is exactly how my community is feeling today.

More than remembering...........

Bereft.