Sunday, March 05, 2006

Teens and Sex

Recent studies have revealed that despite the fact that sex education in the classrooms is being taught, the majority of Canadian adolescents have their information all twisted and distorted. Performing oral sex, for example, is not considered a threat to acquiring a sexually transmitted disease. A high percentage of teens are involved in unprotected sex......STILL! Though the rate of teenage pregancy has gone down, it sure as heck hasn't depleted enough that it's almost non-existant.

Something's wrong here. After reading the report, I'm left wondering, why the disconnect? Facts are being taught, and yet for some reason the information isn't registering.

Could it be that it's because they are adolescents, living in the here and now, scrambling and searching for a moral foundation to build on?

Could it be that we as adults are not providing the education in a "teachable moment" milieu so that the knowledge is not registering at the time when an adolescent is receptive and open to learning?

Could it be that despite all the talk of empowering females that there is still the incessant pressure to acquiesce because it's expected in order to continue in a relationship?

Is there still the pressure on the male to "score?"

Yes...............and more.

At a time when opportunities to inform ourselves of any topic under the sun, why is it that our young people are still so uninformed? Not only that, we are surrounded by various forms of media that inundate us with advertisements, stories, information, and various and sundry details about sex and sexual orientation every single day. And yet.............condoms are still not being used or used properly? A large percentage of teens are not aware of how the reproductive systems work?

Learning happens when a person is awake and alert........open to receiving the knowledge. Learning happens when the information is applicable and when it can be assimilated with previous experience and/or knowledge. When one learns something, one automatically asks.......how is this relevant to me and my life?

One of the keys to helping bridge the gap between ignorance and being informed with respect to sex education is missing. Knowing the mechanics of sexual intercourse is important, but so is understanding the components of a developing a healthy relationship. The feelings that surround the dance of two people is not being linked to the scientific side of things. So, how boring as well as uncomfortable (for both the student and the teacher) would it be if you were sitting in a classroom learning about the parts of the reproductive system, what oral sex is, and what constitutes intercourse without sharing the stuff about the emotions? Same with the teachings that happen within the family….it’s being avoided. It’s too much of a minefield?

Too bad for the minefield! Talking about sex without the foundation of relationship building, religion and spirituality, communication and decision making is like giving someone a people puzzle to complete without the puzzle pieces that reflect the heart and soul.

Poets, authors, songwriters are always grappling for the perfect stanza that answers the big questions around love and fidelity. There isn’t one person in the world who hasn’t tried to find the meaning of love for themselves. As well, the foundational values of a family or a community need to be shared so that the adolescent has some grounding to make his/her decision when they find themselves in the heat of the moment. Let’s talk about this and link it to the science, to the sex ed curriculums, to the discussions within families. Teens want to know how to make a relationship work.

As a mother with a daughter on the cusp of adolescence, the discussions have already begun. Grounded in spiritual and familial values, our talks make sense to her. I can’t say that they are easy. But, what part of being a parent is? My natural inclination is to go stick my head in the sand and not think about it. I don’t want to put much thought into the fact that my daughter is a sexual being. It scares me. But, how will that help her? It is up to myself and her father to make sure that we keep the door of communication wide open so that she is comfortable approaching us for guidance and mentoring.

Eventually, the discussions are going to be more emotionally charged and complicated. It will be up to me to ensure that I keep a smile on my face, and a sense of calm in my voice while attempting to share my knowledge now and my personal experiences when I was her age, so that she has the tools to forge through this minefield.

And when the discussion is over, I will breathe a sigh and go pour myself a glass of wine.

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