Sunday, May 02, 2010

the language of silence

Do you think God speaks the language of silence?  I've been wondering about this for about a week now.  There are some people who swear they have "talked to God" and I can't say I've had a regular conversation with Him, but I know I've felt His presence.  Now, I wonder if I  actually have had a few chats over an emptied cup of silence.  

I have felt  God's presence when I have managed to slip into that comforting soulcove where the soothing sense of inner tranquility resonates peace.   It doesn't happen as often as I'd like, though I know I'm learning the directions to this sacred place and I seem to crave the opportunity to hang out there more and more.   When life is chaotic and complicated, the need for the simple elegance of silence to ward of the chattering noise increases considerably.

Lately, this is how I find it...  I turn down the volume by opening up to absorb the noises, slow the pace, let my muscles relax while I focus on one small item in my hand.  Sometimes its a smooth touchstone.  Sometimes I wrap my left hand with my rosary and stare at the light catching the beads.  I breathe, focusing on it the simplicity of breathing.   I close my eyes when I want to....... I open them every now and then to stare at the simple reverence of what I'm holding in my left hand.  Hope rests there, as I clear away the cobweb concerns, as I empty the cluttered spaces. 

Once I begin to absorb the external noises so that they don't feel like they are bombarding me, I move to the internal noise with the intentions of seeking .... Balance from the dizziness.  Comfort in the discomfort.  Energy inside the vortex of exhaustion.   I focus on the breathing.  Just regular everyday breathing.  If the feelings come to the surface, they are welcomed and then allowed to pass on by.

pass on by....
pass on by.....
until the silence arrives to fill the emptied spaces.

Today at church, I listened to a gifted man talk about the Holy Spirit.  Can't see, touch, or hear Her...... But she touches down sometimes when you least expect it, and sometimes when you reach into that pocketed soulcove and breathe.   Sometimes She has the capacity of catching your breath.  Out of the blue.  Into the light.

Tonight, after a whole afternoon of struggling with a major dip in the calm I thought I had found, which was caused by being triggered over a seemingly small encounter with a symbolic piece of technology..... a cellphone which  originally contained the information I needed to figure out who he was having an affair with, I retreated to my room.  I had tried many other ways to settle the noisy storm, with no relief.  Once suffering starts, it spreads like mind sparking wildfire.  I don't know if its just me, but as soon as I begin to spiral like that, its very difficult to stop it and just walk away.   It happens just too swiftly.

Sad, angry, feeling such a sense of failure for not being able to make this marriage work, feeling grief and rejection for knowing he is comforted now by another woman, (who seems to be reading my blog regularly.... Hi there!!) However, as soon as I decided to try to seek silence as I had previously, I was quickly able to find my core again.  As quickly as I can ROLL down that hill into deep sadness, I can now pull it together while sitting in the emotions all stirred up and spicy. This is where I am.  This is what I've learned from the turmoil of a failed marriage. 

I can talk to God in the language of his choice.  Silence.  Love.

Calm found me in the centre of absorbing the outside and inside noise........ just breathing.  It was right then and there that I could feel the piercing feelings loosen and fall away.  It was right then and there that I swear the Holy Spirit entered my room in comforting silence.  She's not an illusion.  She is in every breath we take.  Its just that sometimes our breathing is too loud and we miss out on the language of silence, where God dwells. 

Inner silence is the gift of grace when the Holy Spirit's presence is near.  
This is God's calling card.


Marja said...

Oh Dana It is hard to reach the silence when your mind struggles with big things. I am convinced that our soul is connected to God
We just often can't tap into it because their is too much noise in our head. When we manage to be silent than we find answers and peace. Not an easy thing to do.
Must be strange that that person is reading your blog.
Take care.

Gilly said...

"Its just that sometimes our breathing is too loud and we miss out on the language of silence, where God dwells."

Dana, that is just so profound. And true. We all need to breathe quietly, stop talking and just be. And maybe the Holy Spirit will enter our silence.

I must try that more - and try not to fall asleep as I do it!!

Love and hugs, thinking of you. xxx

awareness said...

Marja....if I take a "time out" I have been able to reach that silence, which is a blessing. I want to try to incorporate this into my day, whether its in the morning or late in the day.
ps. Let her read. I'm sure it will offer her a more 3 dimension view of who I am. Like it matters at this point.

Gilly.... It seems to me thats exactly what we have to do, and we don't need any high falootin' directions or books to show us the way. Its all about breathing until we still ourselves. And if we fall asleep, well that doesn't matter either does it? Perhaps a better sleep will happen because of it!
Actually, when I have been able to reach this place where God's Holy Spirit can visit, I feel like I've had three hours sleep afterwards. Very refreshing... and GROUNDING.

love to you both!!

theMuddledMarketPlace said...

istm.....that learning how to turn down the volume is something we could all do with learning.....

Anonymous said...

Be Still and KNOW that I am God

Your a better woman than I am because if I knew she was reading this blog I would say things to ruffle her smugness.

Love you girl

awareness said...

mmp...its doable. at first its very frightening because you just don't know what you're going to find when you step into the still silence, so we avoid it. but i think when one reaches a point in life where you are rocked and rolled, you're more courageous in someways to try. Because I don't have a filter or a shield to protect me from feelings, I find that working on this process has helped me gain strength from a rock solid faith I knew was always under me. I find it very humbling.
I've also learned that in order to alleviate the suffering, you have to sit in it and allow yourself to come out the other side of it. If the choice made means avoiding, it only gets prolonged. I don't want it prolonged. I want to experience it and then let go of it all.

Mavis. It doesn't bother me. In fact, it will provide her and anyone else with a more comprehensive view of me and not so one dimensionally perceived. I despise being considered "the enemy" when in all intents I am the victim.... not something I'm comfortable with either. So, by continuing to write, and by being truthful and honest with who I am, I feel like I have empowerment over this situation.

Brother David said...

Hebrew - Qol-voice. Can be translated as: Voice, sound or thunder. As Elijah stood by the cave; God was in the still small voice of silence.

awareness said...

David. Thank you. I've never read that before. "The still small voice of silence...." When you say it aloud, you automatically want to whisper the words.

swile67 said...

The scripture that came to mind when I read this is, "Be still and know that I am God..." (Psalm oops, i forget. I think it's 46) Have you ever tried the practice of Lectio Divino ( i have to check the spelling) you meditate over scripture in silence ...i 'll have to pass on a link to you if i can find one. it is a beautifully profound experience. I also agree with Gilly...those words spoke to me in your post and definitely are profound.

Anonymous said...

I definitely believe it is a language of silence. It is the way you feel when sitting by the sea and the sound of the waves wash over you and bring a sense of calm. That's a conversation with a higher power right there.

It is a feeling rather than the language we commonly understand. And it is always going on.

awareness said...

Karyne...I would love a link to that. It sounds interesting.

Selma....I agree. I'm going to be close to the ocean next week on my own and will take the time to walk the shores and sit in peace.