Sunday, May 23, 2010

just as i am............



I am who I am, and who I am is a work in progress.  Just as you are.  Just as I am.  Does becoming who we are ever reach an end point or are we a work in progress throughout our lives.  I don't think so..... we continue to "become" as we continue to learn and experience life to its fullest.  So, who I am today will most likely be very similar to who I am tomorrow........... but who I am next year?  The authentic parts will still be there.  I may have a new hair colour. I may decided to paint my toenails a deep purple rather than the hot mama red that they are presently.  I may alter my accent.... or take on one since I'm Canadian and I don't really have an accent to begin with.  Maybe a year from now, I'll decide to sing my words while talking just to juggle things up a bit. 

I like who I am for the most part.  There are rough hewn edges I know need sanding down, and a few dents that may need to be hammered out.  I also know there are some people who would quickly cross the street to avoid my presence because I make them uncomfortable.  Perhaps its because I'm too forthright, too blunt or perhaps my intuitiveness makes them feel a bit "nakey?"  Or maybe its because I'm brash..... salty with my language and it hurts their ears.  Still, I am who I am.  Just as I am. A brashy diplomat?   On one hand, people gravitate to me.  Everyday.  On the other hand? I scare some.  I wonder if it has something to do with my spontaneity?

You know, I'm thinking that if life inside our hearts and minds is a chaotic stirring of "don't know who you really are", wouldn't we strive for control and calm in the world around us?  Orderly would be the key word.  Heaven forbid spontaneity and directness rears its beautiful head.  It would make the inside world tumble even more so.  If who you are isn't a concept you have a good handle on, wouldn't you focus on the negative too much? 

I am who I am............ a human becoming.  Through reflection, rejection, dejection, correction, acceptance, reverence, diplomacy, and a mad dash of crazy, I will walk on as a work in progress.  Fucking right I will!   Just as I am.  Still beautiful even with the rough hewn edges. If you have a problem with that, its your problem.  Not mine.  I'm doing the best I can, and for the most part, I'm not doing too badly.  How about you?

ps...my beautiful legging model Lisa from the market is three weeks away from giving birth.  I LOVE this photo of her........ She looked RADIANT today.  May we all have days when we look RADIANT.  I'm going to try tomorrow............ radiance becoming. :)

2 comments:

Selma said...

I think we are a work in progress for the most part but many bits of us get to where they should be along the way.

Just as I am.... to be accepted in that state is a kind of bliss. And to know that just as I am is good enough is even better.

awareness said...

It's all being comfortable inside our own skin isn't it? Acceptance of just as we are is the ultimate feeling of love and belonging. It is a blissy thing Selma. I hadn't thought about it in those terms. It's such a terrible feeling, the opposite, when you show someone just who you are and they don't like it. Then what? You're left feeling so dejected and ugly.