no longer waiting....

I will be more than grateful to see the sorry ass of this particular day and its only half over. Hoping and wishing on a star, I was for the past couple of weeks to hear the sweet smiling words..."I'm calling to offer you the position........" The signs were all there to feed my hope. Good energy in the interview and a mutual feeling that I fit in with this crew. Unbelievable positive feedback after many of my answers (that's never happened before...usually interviewers are so anal that they keep their heads down and write like crazy people to capture every flipping word you express so as to cover their butts come decision time....oh, and to compare them afterwards once the candidate has left the building...SPENT) I heard things like

"wow, you nailed it"
"great answer. you were able to pinpoint the specific issue"
"yes, that's a counselling theory we rely on here too...great!"

I had them smiling, laughing, engaged.......lots of nodding in agreement. When I shared my secret as to why I love counselling so much (the counsellor always seems to gain insight and new learning just as much or even more than the client....) I received 4 smiling nodding responses because it was their secret too!!!

After the interview, I was invited to have a tour of the office. I was introduced to all the other staff....chatted with them for a bit. Twice when being introduced, they told their colleague that I had just completed an "amazing" interview.

One of my references was contacted and was so wonderful and excited for me....he gave me a glowing reference. I received an email explaining that the selection process was taking longer than anticipated and "thank you for my patience..." So...........you can see why I thought........this may unfold as I would like. I just may find a new home where I could ply my two passions......my two gifts I have to offer this crazy planet.....counselling and facilitating.

Ring, ring........."unfortunately we have decided to go in another direction and have offered the position to someone else....."

And what direction might that be? And could I get some feedback on why I wasn't chosen? WELL, these questions made them very uncomfortable. I was told I caught them off guard with my questions. I was told to email any questions I had and they would be more than happy to respond. You call someone who was obviously in the running right until the end when some kind of twist was thrown into the mix with a generically packaged "good news/bad news" bullshit and don't expect to hear that the unlucky candidate has some questions??? Of course I want to know why I didn't get the job!! Of course I want an explanation as to how I could've read the whole process wrongly! I want to know where I screwed up, so I can learn from it and move on!!

So...the waiting is over. I flooded my office with gulping angry tears and burbling idiocy....my face is all patchy and red and puffy. But, I'm fine. Why? Because the waiting is over. I'm not in stall mode anymore. I HATE stall mode. My creative brain is NOW open again to take a few other ideas off the shelf and continue on.
But, more importantly....much more importantly,......a wonderful group of colleagues and my caring supportive supervisor rushed into my office and hugged me and listened to me try to burble things out.....and shed a few tears with me because they felt so badly. I was told I was loved and valued. And in the middle of my little personal crisis, a beautiful friend held my hand and said a prayer for me....asking God to help me figure out how to settle and how to recognize how valued I am.

In a government office........not typically one envisions an office eh? I love it.

It wasn't meant to be...for whatever reason it wasn't meant to be.....

To everyone out there who had the fingers, eyes, toes and legs crossed for me I want to thank you for that. I can't tell you how wonderful it made me feel..... Today, when I emailed my blogger friend, breadbox....aka....."N." who has been with me everyday asking and wondering and sending me upbeat encouragement, he suggested I listen to a favourite anthem of his ....one I too love as well. My husband sent me the link to the following youtube version of Stan Rogers' inspiring song, The Mary Ellen Carter.... I watched the video which includes a terrific story at the beginning told by a sailor whose ship turned over in a storm and how he survived it....and I could FEEL the zip, zap and bouncy buzz fill back into me again..... Oh my God! How can you not feel the energy return listening to lyrics like these.....

And you, to whom adversity has dealt the final blow
With smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go
Turn to, and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain
And like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.

Rise again, rise again - though your heart it be broken
And life about to end
No matter what you've lost, be it a home, a love, a friend.
Like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.

Enjoy Stan Rogers....Canada's beloved singer/storyteller who died tragically in 1983 in a plane crash..... his big booming voice and inspirational lyrics carry on..

RISE AGAIN! RISE AGAIN!




thank you Neil for suggesting I revisit this. thank you Jamie for sending it to me.

Is it happy hour yet?