glass houses and all that.

"First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Why don't we speak out? Is it because we don't have the ability to recognize the labels someone may carry as simply window dressing and we don't take the time to see that someone as a human being who lives and breathes exactly like ourselves? When we don't find the path to acceptance of others, we slide down the slippery slope of passive aggressive judgement. Why is it that we all have the tendancy to take that ride? Passing judgement, especially when its done with a sleight of hand using one chosen label can be downright nasty.

There are several coined terms that when used have the split second ability to register a judgement. It's like if you believe in the concept or term, you are on the side of who is living the right way, and if you don't fit the concept or believe in the definition of it, you are tossed aside and dismissed. Like the Communist whom they came for. Politically correct academics surf this wave. Environmentalists ride this smart car. Any group or individual who embraces a specific political, religious, philosophical or psychological theory with a closed mind to other's opionions or belief systems has the propensity to take a ride down that icy slide towards judgement. And it is almost always done with malice.




I'm not saying that we need to throw away all that we believe in. Of course not. Our beliefs and values act as the foundation for how we live our lives. They are the signposts we continuously seek in order to make decisions, to find the direction we decide to take. What I am saying is that just because we live our own life in one way doesnt mean we have the market cornered on what is right, or what is approved of. In fact, if we lean towards believing that we are completely and utterly RIGHT in our beliefs and values, we also are dismissing any opportunity for discourse and contemplation on perhaps living another way.





Impressions garnered by observing someone who doesnt seem to fit the mold can easily lead one astray when it comes to understanding or recognizing the belief system of another. For example, I hardly seem to fit the mold of a right wing leaning individual. In fact just last week, a colleague, whom I've only known for a short time was dumbfounded when I started talking about my role in Brian McDonald's campaign. His response to me? "I had you pegged for a bleeding heart NDP type. You come across as wanting to save the world."





Well, of course I want to save the world. Doesn't everyone?? This reaction is not new to me, so I was prepared for it. "Conservatives don't have hearts? You think the Socialists have the market cornered on compassion? Of course not. I may want to save the world, but I'm going to teach people HOW to fish along the way." He laughed.





My heart will never bleed to death. It would be useless then, now wouldn't it?




We cling to our beliefs like a liferaft and by doing so, we embrace the blindness we have of others. We passively and aggressively dismiss others by seeing them as their labels and not as other human beings who are living their lives the best they are capable of living them. They may be complete fuck ups. They may have made horrendous decisions thereby affecting how their lives unfold. Their beliefs and values may be utterly different than what you believe and value. Who cares? For crying out loud, can we strive to remember that we are all made from the same fabric?



The other night, the term Family Values took centre stage and played a key role in the outcome of the evening. Family Values? It conjures up visions of SNL's Church Lady.....remember her?? "How Conveeeeeeeeeeeenient................" was her response to something she considered reeking in sin. Just her way of saying the line spoke volumes while spanking the world with her beliefs.


Family Values...............I'm sure the term has been around for a long time, but it was re-introduced and slammed into our collective conscience by none other than Dan Quayle when he took on a TV character named Murphy Brown because she didn't represent family values. Remember that insane hype?? We see and hear it predominantly in American politics. GW has surrounded himself in family values types.



Just the other day, I was reading Dustin's new blog, ON the Margins and read a term I had never seen before, though I knew exactly what it meant........"Values Voters............" the same as someone who believes in the made up list of family values. (Oct 31rst post)



Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............I guess you could call me a Value Village Voter since I have shopped there........but a values voter??

You're either a values voter or not. You either believe in the list of evangelically based rules which make up the profile of a values voter, or you are going straight to hell. Now, I probably LOOK like a person who believes in family values. I am a wife and mother. I've been married for 20 years. I believe in God. I take my vitamins. I cook the dinners around here. My family comes first. I will do anything to protect and support them. Then things get hazy...........

Why?



Because I believe in equality for women. I am a strong feminist who shares the responsibilities of my family life with my husband. He owns the vacuums in this house! We split the work down the middle. We both work full time outside of the home. We both believe in pro-choice, pro hockey and promoting diversity. There is no head of this household because we have equal footing. Our family consists of people whom we are biologically related to, but also to many friends whom we would do anything to protect them, just like we were biologically related to them. We are community members who try to be open to other's life choices and expect others to respect ours. We nutured our daughter the same way we nurture our son by sharing and teaching the same core values and beliefs as well as promoting critical thinking and individual rights.



So, according to the working definition of family values, I'm going straight to hell. I havent broken any of the 10 commandments, but I am still a sinner because I believe in free will, equality of the sexes, and pro choice. I also don't believe in corporal punishment, which is also in the working definition of what constitutes a values voter. But, my fate is predetermined. Hell it is. Will Hugh Grant be there? I think I can count on it. goodie!



SEE! See how easy it is to slide down that slippery slope? I could carry on in this vein ad nauseum and never get anywhere with someone who's strongly believes in the republican definition of family values. Defensiveness, particularly when it is wrapped in a cheap shot is always a conversation killer.



Our values are near and dear to our hearts. They should be. They aren't really negotiable, or at least they shouldn't be too easily negotiable, and this is where my thoughts began on this topic. What I observed, overheard, and was informed of during the convention was that the winning candidate decided to ride the family values ticket as a way to win the nomination. Not only that, terrible slights were levelled at a decent man who has represented our country in two wars, and who has a dream of making a difference now on the homefront. He doesn't fit the so called profile of the family values kind of person. Young, single, handsome...............and unattached individual with no children................he was an easy target for cheap shots and rumours of leading the life of a wild and crazy single guy. Enough narrow minded individuals who didn't question the source took it at face value and voted against the best contender.

I'm not naive. I am well aware of the nastiness of politics. What I abhor, and I think what many voters abhor is the selling out factor...............to want something so badly that you would change your belief system? This is why most people don't vote, or get involved in the politcal process. In order to do so, one has to have the thickest skin imaginable because stuff will be flung, no doubt about it.



Family values.............we all have family values for goodness sake. Why is this umbrella term bastardized to fit the core beliefs on a particular group of fundamentalists? I think we can blame Dan Quayle for this one.

This country's foundation is built on the love and belonging of families...............families of all different shapes and colours. Families full of human beings trying their very best to figure it all out.

We all laugh and cry and worry and sigh.
We love and long for love.

We all seek acceptance and belonging.
Underneath the layers of values, you will find a bunch of naked human beings.
Whether you like it or not............we are made from the same human being fabric.


None of us are one dimensional cut outs. Rather, we are complicated walking contradictions for the most part because we are all on the learning curve called life. Everyday, our beliefs and values are tested.........sometimes by ourselves alone. It's time to broaden the definition of what constitutes family values so that we rid this community of the hierarchical judgement that does such harm. And then, lets move forward with good honest grace.

Let us speak out for one another, not against one another.