patterns.........

We are like sponges who soak up all that is around us......

comments spoken
events experienced
opinions espoused
successes embraced
failures wounded



What if our sponges are saturated with years of negativity?

deprivation, isolation, mistrust, alienation, abandonment,

psychological pain, accumulative shame.

Is there a way to squeeze out the poison caught in the holes of the sponge? It can be done.


The moments, the people, the opportunities, the triumphs and the defeats impact who we become and how we respond more than we really care to admit. And if we don't recognize our own decision making patterns which have been generated by our accumulated past, we have the potential to keep making the same decisions over and over and over again. It begins with self awareness. It begins with recognizing what ingredients are found in the sponge.

We are unique thumbprints because of our diverse collection of experiences and yet we have much in common when it comes to how we react when we are unaware of the impact our past has on our present. We can easily become our own self fulfilling prophecies and not even know that it was our own power that put us in the same boat as before.


How often have you caught yourself choosing not to try something simply because you figure you'd fail at it because you had before? How often have you realized that you took a risk because.......well.............it worked last time, why not again? How often have you fallen into a relationship that on the surface didn't appear to be the same as the one before.........and yet........... you quickly realize that this person is all of sudden saying things about you that are familiar sounding?



How often do you catch yourself believing that you DESERVE to be treated with disdain? Statements like:

Things keep happening to me......

I can't catch a break......
The world works against me.......
I have always had a black cloud over me.....
I deserve it.......
I'm unlovable.....

So often I meet with someone who has never looked at the patterns of their choices and how they can easily be threaded back to the abuse and neglect, to the unnuturing upbringing, to the lack of unconditional love and belonging. The lack of awareness constricts their options by painting them with scar tissue schemas. Their testimonial statements reveal these scars to anyone listening, but often go unheard by themselves. This is where we will begin our work together.

We all have them......emotional schemas.......though some have wider and deeper ones. Sometimes, the same schemas are passed on from generation to generation, causing a cycle of dysfunction or a repetition of mistakes. Unfortunately, I see this time and again. The poverty of unmet basic needs wounds far greater than financial poverty and can impact another generation to a point where their chances of success diminish rapidly.

So how can someone change their course of action........their course in life? How can someone's supposed luck change? It all comes down to realizing that their behaviour and their choices stem from the stuff in their personal self concept sponge. Either they get a new one altogether or they take the time to squeeze the poison out of it. And since we only have one sponge to last our whole lives, there is really only one option. They must find a way to replenish the bad with some good. It starts with learning how to look in the mirror and like what they see. But, first one has to recognize their own set of emotional schemas.......

For more information on emotional alchemy...... Here is a link to a list of the various schemas with other links to coping styles. As well, here is a link to an explanation of cognitive therapy as an approach to breaking the patterns created by the schemas we carry with us.