time under the bridge....

I gave away a lot of time

Productive time

Destructive time

wasted away time

never to be on time.

water under the bridge time

I gave it away.

Gone....

waiting and waiting....oh, how often I did this....

filling gaps between here and there

with 

urgent energy

anxious persperation 

desperate pleads

hot anger fueling loose lips

breathing deeply......letting go.........

stalled, stood up, stupified, steaming....breathless

trapped by the thief of my time....

please, please....... we're going to be late, I'd say

PLEASE, PLEASE!!!  WHY CAN'T YOU BE CONSIDERATE OF MY NEEDS? 

I bellowed alot .... 

became a banshee.... 

I hated the sound of my voice.

I hated who I had allowed myself to become.  

I'd say.... 

Why couldn't you..........

pick me up when you said you were going to

meet me at the agreed upon time

phone me if you were running late

put me first and not the person who "held" you up once again

be ready..........??

Where was the respect?
I became a temper tantrum ready at my calling...

Today I sat in a reception area waiting......... familiar story.  The "lady in waiting..." I know it off by heart.  It had only been an hour since we had agreed upon a time to meet!!  15 minutes went by, and my mind wandered..... alarmed with worry, wondering if something serious happened and triggered once again by the dance we allowed to continue....me being the worrier of doom and gloom, he being the controller of those precious moments that make up a life.  Mine.   While I was feeling my stomach begin to churn, and the sweat begin to seep out of my angered pores, I realized something.....

I own it.  I gave  my heart  and soul time and it was just stomped on without a spit of gratitude. So now?  It's not up for grabs.  My time is my own.  I am free to use it, share it, apply it, give it with love to someone who will respect it.  I let go of those chains that I allowed to burden me for a long time....... chains of time..... sliding off me.......

Let the clock tick on from here, chiming freedom.  I am learning.  I am no longer the "lady in waiting...." that role has been passed on.