efficiency and time......

 ruminating well

Time becomes a different entity when you're travelling and out of any regular routine.  Add a whole day in the car driving, ending up twisted around backwards in a city that seems to be completely torn up by road construction, with french direction signs missing and the orange pile-ons misplaced.....?  I'm beat.  

Oh, and did I mention that I somehow screwed up and ended up paying through the nose for a "Comfort Inn" Executive Suite (an oxymoron if there ever was one) in Riviere du Loup that only has ONE BED?  There are three of us.  When we finally pulled ourselves out of the car and into the room, it felt like midnight. It was only 8 pm.  The bed seemed big enough.  The shower was inviting and good God, there was a St. Hubert across the street ready to serve us take out chicken dinners.  I ordered two dinners, and then went over to the "Super Soir" and picked up a big cold can of Stella for me.  I sat on the curb by the car sipping Stella and enjoying a cig surrounded by tidal air that smells so maritime.  I love it!

We've been on the go visiting family and friends in Ontario this week and despite this crazy day we just survived (with humour in tact) it has been wonderful success.  Its all so strange trying to attempt things that previously included another member of this little family of mine.  The emotions get charged quickly and are released at unexpected times but that's all a part of adjusting and learning how to cope with our new lives.   Everything took longer, and seemed timeless....

So many firsts.  So many new things.  Like driving the whole trip by myself.  Though I tried not to be too freaked out about being the only licensed driver for the 14 hour trek, I was totally freaked out by it.  But, I did it.  With only a few hours left to get home tomorrow morning, I managed to do it as well as all the other travel responsibilities.......... There's twice as much to do.  Just like at home.  It's daunting and its bloody tiring, especially now when I am now completely focused yet.   Time just doesn't seem the same anymore.

The efficiency I once took for granted has left my body.  I am no longer efficient anymore.  I'm a scattered road map.  Will this always be the case?  Have I lost the ability to be organized and on top of things or will it return?  Do I care? Not really, though the pace is about to be upped a thousand volts in the next week or so when my job kick starts into a new school season and the kids begin again too I better start caring.   

However, I have such a meandering brain and wandering feet that it takes me so much longer to accomplish even the smallest task and all I really want to do is to seek out some fun.   Fun seems to be the priority right now, and lots of it.  methinks my "fun needs" weren't being met for a very long time, so my thirst for it has leaped out into the front of the line. 

I also get lost in a million fractured thoughts and before I know it, a few hours have slipped by as quickly as trying to hold water in your hands.   But, you know what?  That time has been the most productive because it feels so refreshing to simply be still breathing while allowing the thoughts and feelings to wash over me.  I end up feeling lighter than when I started....... with more energy coursing through me....except .... here's the kicker ..... I think the meditation and quiet time is addictive.  I love it and when I'm not able to, I have a tough time paying attention to what I am supposed to be doing.  Do you know how many times I have lost my keys, lost tickets, forgotten to do more than half of the priorities on my list of "must dos?"  I'm a scatter brain ... so much so that I think my kids are getting used to me being an airhead. 

But, I'm the driver..... I need to start paying attention to schedules and time more efficiently.  I'm the adult here, and the Momma to boot.  And you know what?  I got us this far today!!   I think I can get us home again.  And again.  And again.   I may end up taking the wrong turn in Montreal FIVE times  again before I get it right,  but I will get us to our destiinations........ and maybe have a few stories we will share because of my newfound wacky scatterbrain.

you know........... If only I had someone there to unpack, do the chores, make dinner and organize the week?  I think I need a wife who has a watch that works and knows how to tell time.  I think I've traded in my multi tasking sense of time for rambling and ruminations.  Efficiency is over rated these days.