Monday, May 18, 2009

what is right? how do i get there?

(sunset from my front yard, may 2009, kodak instamatic 124)

I was told..
"We did the right thing."

contemplate, concentrate
choices abound, answers unfound
making a decison,
a sleepless indecision
why can't i settle down?

formulate, celebrate
say a vow, take a bow
formulation, transformation
move along with change......
tick, tock, tick, tock.......tell me how

certainty aligned?
uncertainty is blind...

you did the right really did.
yes...I did, didn't I?

rationalize, harmonize
last resort, no retort
ease the pain, swallow shame
wasted time, bitter crime
anger rising, temper short

tears expressed, such a mess
I did the right thing.....I think.
I did, didn't I?

Uncertainty causes stressssssssssss
uncertainty is life undressed

hesitation, protestation
saving grace, saving face
sad relief, fainting grief
lessen stress, its anyone's guess
when we finally find resolution.

back off, I need the space....
a whiskey soaked pace
'cause i ain't there yet.


lonely fears, silent jeers
finger're disappointing.....
deny, deny, deny
i'm trying to stay afloat here!

THESE are the best of times?
they're the only times i've ever known....

happiness, happiness,
it's the greatest feeling i want to possess....
repress, digress, eat less, wild guess, obsess, don a dress
humour seems pointless

or not....

intellectualize, harmonize
think before you leap
displace it all
suppress the fall
coping skills dont sleep.

just another word for grieving....
one tearslippery rung at a time....
Why is it that most choices we make in life either don't feel to good, or don't live up to our expectations?
Why is it that some choices refresh old wounds?
Why is it that some choices hurt the ones we love even more?
Why does it takes so damn long to emotionally catch up with the brain driven decision???

Adaptation...learning how to cross thresholds into blue yonders takes practise I guess. Making some of life's decisions takes guts to recognize just exactly what need you are intending to know what you WANT...and then to know when to jump off the regret train, and move on.

you're doing the right thing
doing the right thing
the right thing
right thing
thing.....? what was that thing i did so right? Looks like I repressed it so deeply I can't even remember what it was all about.

ps.....this post was spurred on by this article...longitudinal research on how a healthy adaptation process, using effective (as opposed to neurotic, which we all know well....) coping mechanisms and problem solving skills can lead one to an emotional resolution, consequently will lead the way to a feeling of happiness. Or not.... The conclusion is yours to make.


a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

i'm tossing you my lifesaver. sometimes? you just need to lay back, look at the sky...and float.

Awareness said...

irish heather...i love the tasty green ones please....
no worries...not waffling too much on stuff right now....was writing to try to capture the essence of the article i read.

Anonymous said...

We grow great by dreams...(WE) see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening, Some of us let these great dreams die,but others nourish and protect them ;nurse them through the bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and the light, which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.
Woodrow Wilson

Love you Dana

Awareness said...

Mavis...that's beautiful! Thank you dear friend.
I was involved today in facilitating a team building day with my new team....such fun! I wish I had read your quote beforehand because it would've fit right in with the theme of personal dreams and dealing with change.
I actually got to do the wrap up this afternoon and read this piece to them in my full animated voice! It was such fun.

Great team btw! It's a marvellous fit for me. :)