Why is it that we are always seeking approval? Is it an addiction with us? Are we so uncertain of our own decisions that we have to have validation all the time? Some will say that seeking approval is just a way of being respectful to others, as a way of including them in the decision you are trying to make, but it isn't. Because if you think about it, asking someone for approval is basically giving them the last say......THEY get to make the decision.
Do you like?
Can you validate me?
Is my idea worthy of your approval?
When does the time come when you say to yourself........."I have decided to become"......... or "tomorrow, I plan to"........ or............This is my opinion. I've thought it through. I'm comfortable with this opinion and I'm not going to ask someone if they think its right or wrong."
We all have had mentors and parents in our lives who have guided us and have hopefully provided us with the skills and gifts to get along in this world. Though we will always be students, or always be a son or daughter.............we outgrow the need to check in for approval. And yet, our conditioning kicks in...........and off we seek it. This is exacerbated if one works in a hierarchical environment when one has to ask for permission all the time........where you're monitored and evaluated all the time just like school......just like when you were a kid.
It's hard to let go of this addiction................
I want you to approve of me..................
I read recently that spirituality is a matter of becoming who you really are. We seem to live under the illusion that it's important to be loved, important, respected and well thought of. This sets us up to be on the constant look out for approval, affection and love. But here's the paradox. If we turn that around..............instead of always looking for approval and we put all of this energy and attention on thinking well of others....... we will fulfill the two true real urges we human beings have: to love and to be free.
If we are constantly seeking approval, we will never feel free. There will always be a sensation of feeling shackled.........waiting for the nod from someone.
If we reach out to others instead of trying to convince them to reach out to you through approval, then you are freely offering your love.
There are healthier ways to gain the respect of the important people in our lives. Seeking approval isn't one of them...........it simply gives the power of your life over to someone else. Isnt there enough out there that we have no control over??
When the time comes when we can break away from the approval cycle, is this when we can honestly say we are adults?