understanding venus....trying....

It's a known fact that a woman's worst enemy can be another woman for no other reason than some sense of threat. It's a weird and wacky conundrum, one that seems to rear it's ugly head on a daily basis. When you consider the ongoing strides made even in recent history to reach a point where equality may one day be attained on all fronts, you would think that women would've learned to be supportive of one another. And yet.......

Yesterday, a young woman in my office who has been juggling two full time jobs to stay afloat and to pay her bills was offered a new permanent job with benefits and a future. She was beyond excited as we all were for her. It has been a long haul and she deserves it and more. With no family for support, this means the world to her. And yet..... when she called her supervisor (a woman who has done nothing but put up nasty roadblocks for her over the past year......BECAUSE SHE COULD and nothing could be done about it because my co-worker was in a casual position and had no "hand" in the situation....thank you George Costanza for the term) all she received was hums and sighs and catty replies. This is SO common.

Last week, I was informed of a situation which occured over MSN between a few friends of my daughter......all girls...... being nasty and ganging up on another in their supposedly closeknit group. Though there wasn't MSN when I was 13, I do recall the nasties loud and clear. It's girl bullying, and it continues with adults in the boardrooms, on the sidelines at a ballgame, in the schoolrooms, in church meetings, at committee meetings.......just about anywhere.

Time and again, I see the actions of women who are just plain rude to other women. I remember not too long ago sitting beside a male friend chatting with him. We were sitting at a table that was half empty enjoying the conversation with others. Along comes voluptuous vixen in a push up bra and poofy blonde hair (from a bottle) who grabs a chair and somehow slides it in between me and my friend and promptly sits down with her back to me. So, what did I do? What did I want to do?

Today, I had a conversation with another colleague.....her question to me....out of the blue....was, how do some women move up in the ranks while others more qualified stew in under the ranks and never move in their careers? Million dollar question, really though sometimes its pretty darn obvious, at least to someone else standing on the sidelines observing. They use the tools they were taught to use, and some are able to samba their way better than others.

I'm totally fine with that...........use whatever you want, but don't stomp on other women in the process. Where I completely turn off is when this happens and it happens way too much. I don't really know why, but i have a few theories as to why some women have this way of completely turning off all other women.

Territorial.......... it's in our ancestral genes, and it can manifest itself in many ways. Come to close to my world, watch out for the claws is one end of the continuum. The other end? The territory is open and relaxed and welcoming. Most of us are some where in the middle. If my "territory"........be it my circle of friends, my family, my husband is somehow targetted you better believe my antennae is up and alert. If I see another woman brazenly and rudely interfering with any of these people in my life, I wont stand idly by. AND I will point out the behaviour afterwards to the intended target.....cause sometimes? It's mesmerizing!!

Temperment......and this one doesn't seem to be solely found in women, well neither is the territorial one, but there is a mamma cat and kittens feel to the territorial reaction. Someone who is introverted by nature meets up with an extrovert and there's a feeling of disconnect while one sniffs out the other. These are two very distinct planets sometimes and it can be difficult finding your way. Though I think if we took a step away from our own labelled temperment, we would see we have both in us. It's just that they are revealed in different scenarios.

Values.......aka.........stay at home moms versus career moms. A field of landmines this one because it is a longstanding discourse on justification of existance peppered with religious beliefs, socio-economics, role identification and clarification, marital support, familial history and last but not least what's best for the children. When there's a clash of the momma titans on this one, just get out of the way, because it's a no win eternal tug of war. If you want to hurt someone badly, start criticizing the way they are as parents. The thing about women who bully, it is never done directly. Rather it's a slight here, a dismissal there...........and dig underneath. It's all quite passive aggressive. Where is the respect?

Kids vs. no kids............see above........

Mistrust of other women...........a lesson somehow gleaned from others........perhaps even from past experiences.

Confidence: In the long run, it really comes down to confidence doesn't it? I mean, if you're confident about the choices you have made and the opinions and values you have chosen to have as your foundation to make the choices than you're comfortable with yourself. It's as easy as that. But, if you're struggling with your self-esteem to a point where you're protecting yourself from not being friendly to others, you are going to act like all wounded people act......in an obnoxious rude manner.

Women who are obnoxious...........who flirt and ignore others around, who use their sexuality especially in a coquettish teasing manner, like they are unaware that they are even doing so, who think of themselves above and beyond the other female minions may think they are invisible to the rest of their venus sex. I've got news for them. They glow in the dark.............a bright neon pink....... and will live their lives with very few female friends.

how sad..................because a life without girlfriends is an empty one.

ps. can someone out there in blogland please help me. i can't seem to arrange my posts with spaces between the paragraphs. I set it up and then click on publish and it all squishes together. it looks awful........and it makes it difficult to read. AND it's driving my aesthetic eye crazy. please and thanks....if you can tell me what i'm doing wrong.