Lil and I down by the river doin' some thinkin'.

lily waiting for the big throw.
check out the tail action

There are places I remember

All my life though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I can still recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all.
John Lennon

Went for a stroll down by the river with Lily tonight. Quiet contemplation while enjoying the cloud enhanced light show of twilight in between tossing sticks for an excitable pooch. It's now dark outside and I type by the soft glow of my lamp, listening to Nora Jones' sweet voice. Her songs are perfect for this time of night. They pull you into a place where your own thoughts intertwine with her lyrics. She makes me remember snippets of life lived........and the special people who have been an integral part of it.....of the hellos and goodbyes and the sweet times in between. So, here I am.............alone for the evening, a chance to reflect and to savour and to look forward. I like the pace. It levels me back to calm.

guitar strumming softly.......... i love the sound of the guitar. There are some songs I could listen to over and over again if is accompanied by the soft strumming of the guitar. I can think of nothing more meditatively inducing an instrument except perhaps a slow almost silent cry of a violin. It seems to seep under my skin with a lull and a rock. I don't know why I've never learned how to play the guitar.

It's been a week of juggling busy, which seemed more so because of the fatigue factor we are all feeling. Fatigue from many avenues. Today is the last day of school, which always arrives after a crescendo of activities that are a lot of fun, but too much to incorporate into a workday/weekday and other activities. But, now that it's all over and the summer stretches ahead...........it doesn't seem too crazy busy. Big tears today as my daughter said goodbye to her much loved school as she moves onto high school next year. These past two weeks for her have been filled with such wonderfully created memories........she will always love them all. A year end trip to Quebec City, a farewell dance all dressed up, picnics and signings of yearbooks, awards and report cards.......cherished friends who will move along with her in September, and who will be close by for a summer of hanging out.

friends taking big steps together

Watching her take new steps during this milestone, I see her surrounded by beautiful girlfriends, 4 of them, who have grown close and will continue to share their dreams and secrets with one another as they move forward together. I too remember those places and people who were in my life then. Cherished memories and I wonder where those girlfriends are now.

_________

Well I stumbled in the darkness

I'm lost and alone
Though I said I'd go before us
And show the way back home
Is there a light up ahead
I can't hold on very long
Forgive me pretty baby
But I always take the long way home.
Norah Jones.

A note was left for me at the front desk this week when I was out of the office.....a quick post it note signed by someone whom I hadn't seen in close to 10 years. I had wondered where she had gone........and now I know. We spoke on the phone.....and I heard words of gratitude which made me tear up.

When I first hired as a counsellor to kickstart a brand new upgrading and training program 14 years ago, I met this young woman, a single mom with a baby who was trying to find her way. Through a government sponsored program, she became my assistant. And I thanked my lucky stars that I had her right beside me. We became a terrific team. Our skills complimented eachother, me with my people brain and she with her organizational brain. Along the way, I would encourage her to go to University to work on a business degree......so bright and capable, she always shone. And along the way, with me pregnant for the first time and feeling incredibly shitty, she encourage me to keep moving forward, not to worry........mentoring and learning together.

This beautiful young woman listened and took a plunge into studies and the field of business. A sponge to new concepts and learning, she excelled and forged ahead into a career.

She wanted me to meet her 14 year old daughter this week.......she told me that my encouragement back then made all the difference in her life. She wanted her daughter to meet me so that she would have a face to the name. Now that she has been in the field of business, made good money, acquired extensive skills, ....now that she has had the time to reflect and analyze her life, she wants to move into a helping field. I heard her say.............."money isn't the answer"........"I have a lot to give".........."I want to work in the frontlines where I can make a difference."

And I told her.........how much it meant to talk to her this week......how timely her call was while I tried to focus back on work after a month of familial sadness. We are meeting for lunch in a couple of weeks to hear each other's stories face to face and talk about next steps.............what's interesting is that I'm wanting to cross over a bit into her world, and she's wanting to work in my present world. Perhaps we will be able to help one another again.

dramatic sky, june 22, 2007

This weekend, a friend is getting married. Two months shy of his 50th birthday, he has found the love of his life. I won't be attending his wedding but have sent a few stories to be incorporated into the mix of toasts. He's an old camp friend.........from my "Muskie" days. Writing up the memories this week was a trip. And as I tried to capture moments from 25 years ago we had shared with others who will be at the wedding, the Beatles song I quoted at the beginning of this post accompanied it. This time of year is always a wistful shot back to Big Hawk Lake where the tents stood in a line along the shore, where guitars strummed late into the night, where familiarity and friendship grew up along with us. Tomorrow, I will stop what I'm doing in the middle of the afternoon to send kisses and wishes to a Kawabi kindred on his special day............ and picture his ever present smile with affection.

Twilight on the Saint John river, june 22, 2007

There are places I remember

All my life though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends I can still recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life, I've loved them all...........


And will continue on ...................... in anticipation and gratitude.