gimme shelter....

How does someone living in the land of plenty end up living in squalor down by the river? How does a human being grow up only to be discarded, abandoned, invisible and forgotten? I took these photos of a small outdoor nesting place for a few homeless people in the city of Fredericton. Located down by the edge of the Saint John River, so close to the Delta Hotel that you could shoot your spit and it would most likely hit the bricks. Haves and Have Not's residing as neighbours. The Have Not's know it. The Haves are oblivious. The neighbour on the other side? The Lieutenant Governor's mansion. Nice......

The area is referred to by government and community organizations, and the media as "tent city." Its hardly a city when you compare it to the excessively enormous shanty towns and makeshift communities under overpasses in larger centres. But, it is what it is....a home for the homeless, the transients......the human beings who have either chosen to live outside rather than in, or who cannot and will not abide by the rules of the local Shelters.

If you were walking quickly, or biking leisurely along this portion of the Trans Canada trail, chances are you wouldn't notice the hidden pathways leading to small clearings where human beings have congregated. Summer fauna overlaps the entrances and keeps the secrets behind the leaves...... sort of. Attention has been given to the handful of homeless people by a locally formed committee that was set up to "deal" with the issue. Deemed as dangerous and unsafe due to mental illness, addictions, lawlessness, there is an urgency to rectify the "problem" by finding alternative living arrangements.

There are some who want to use strong tactics to get these "filthy dirty addicts..." out of the city altogether. Put them on a bus.... move them to another town. Get rid of the problem. Quick and clean...resolve the issue by pushing it on. This "approach" reeks of impatience and disregard. No time or interest in finding out why another human being has fallen so far down and away from "functioning in the community" or being "self-sufficiently independent," these strongarmed bureaucrats see them as an issue that needs to be managed. No time to be curious or to see how beneficial it would be to connect in some way with these Tent people in order to learn WHY and WHAT HAPPENED...... They probably spend more time discussing what colour their new office furniture is going to be than truly caring enough to take the time to understand the individual human beings who have fallen.

There are others who sit across from the strongarm types who are quick to say...... Give them housing. They bark out their politics to anyone who will listen .... the issue is not enough affordable housing. The government doesn't have enough affordable housing!! Oh yeah, if only we had a place to park them that would solve the problem, now wouldn't it? hmmmmm......... no. It's not that simple. It also isn't that simple just to pour money into a bottomless pit with no foundation either. Housing doesn't make a home.

If we had all the money in the world, would the issue of homelessness be solved?

Homelessness is a symptom of a much larger systemic problem where one social service department or agency works in a silo providing their goods, while another offers up another package of goods and no one communicates effectively. Communities don't get off scot free either. Its not just a "problem" for the public sector to manage! Everyone plays a role because it isn't an "issue" that has to be solved. It's not a "problem" that has an easy fix answer like some math equation.

A person living on the streets, or down by the river, or in a tent in the woods, on a park bench, in a car, under a bridge, may have a handful of people whom they receive some form of assistance from. Social assistance, food, methadone, addictions counselling, shelter options, medical assistance. Sadly, not one of those helping frontline people have the capacity within the confines of their job description to fully assist this human being. Why? Time. Work constraints. Designated roles and responsibilities don't allow for it. Lack of genuine political will. Lack of financial resources. Community fear. Bias.

So, the perpetual problem continues...... and every now and then when the neighbourhood raises their ire, or when the Queen comes to town the issue of homelessness hits the front page of the local newspaper. Then, it dies down.......... becomes invisible and the human being Have Not's are lost beyond the margins, away from any attention.

Autumn is now here...... and the nights are colder.

melancholy hues

will you meet me by the shoreline
blue upon blues
and we’ll share our heartheld secrets
dipped in melancholy hues?

will you meet me by the water
skin touching skin
and we’ll share our intimate stories
held deeply within?

will you meet me in the morning
when promise holds such light
and we’ll let the tears glisten to the surface
until our sadness turns to delight?

I would like to be standing on the shoreline looking out at the blue with you, soaking in the medicinal pleasures of tidal breezes on a blustery summer's day. I envisioned this escape scene clearly this afternoon while reflecting on the news I received earlier in the day.

I even closed my eyes and let my imagination paint the shoreline picture so I could feel it like I was really there watching you walk down the beach to meet me instead of trying to wrap my head around the reality of what was really happening in my office. Not only did it help centre me and allow for a moment of meditative calm (as it always does when I do manage to get to the shoreline), it lifted me to a place where reflections and perspective creeped onto my numbness....temporarily. It was only short term because I did have to face the music.

The bad news? After waiting and expecting for months for the axe to fall, it finally did. My position was cut along with every other similiar position across the province. 22 of us.....all Career Consultants who support the Case Managers in the frontlines. A victim of the times in a disposable world of work.

The good news? We are being moved to another department to work on a project. Given the economic climate we all live in, I should feel more gratitude that I still have a job to go to. But, I am not there yet.....partly because I know that some things I do now will never be picked up by another person, and those things hold the meaning for me. Plus, there is no choice here....having no choice sucks.

Many details are unknown, but I'm fairly certain that the ones who are the most vulnerable....the ones who live beyond the margins of the marginalized? They will not be a part of my future. Frighteningly, I think they may have lost whatever voice they had managed to maintain. As for community development and prevention? When the "times" tank economically, everyone goes into reactive mode. Prevention is a luxury I guess. So is quality time making deep connections. It doesn't add up properly on the master spreadsheet.

Will you meet me by the shoreline, blue upon blues?
I'll be there looking for you.

Bring down the Budget. Enough already!

Have you ever tried to drive on black ice? Have you ever tried to steer a car when its lost its grip? The thing about black ice besides not being able to see it in time is that you can traverse over it without many problems if you're aware of its potential existance. Its the anticipation of it.........of the danger a slim film of ice coating a road that helps the driver to react and respond to it differently than you would on a dry stretch. But all the awareness in the world....all of your multi sensory alertness can't predict the random time when the tires hit the ice at precisely the perfect pitch and sends the vehicle spinning out of control and careening into danger.

This is the analogy which surfaced in my head while driving to visit a client in his home yesterday over the backroads of this province. Not only do I always prepare myself as best as I can for whatever situation I am about to find myself in.......home visits can be like that........99 percent of the time danger free....1 percent of the time no so....... I realized that since late fall, I have been feeling like I have been driving along anticipating a huge patch of black ice, predicting I was about to spin out. Black ice driving is bloody stressful and zaps you of energy. Its the waiting for it, and the anticipation of it that just about does you in.....

Today, the black ice budget will finally be released. Today, the people of this province will learn how their elected leaders have decided to deal with the impact of the economic lay of the land. No one more than the people who work within its governmental infrastructure have been waiting, anticipating and trying to emotionally and financially prepare for it's predicted dangers.

Waiting is the bane of trying to "live in the moment...." Though you could argue that if you're feeling all the neck tension and sleep deprivation which often accompanies the waiting, you are most definatly living in the freaking moment. In fact "the moment" gets stretched out beyond the borders of normal time. It makes the MOMENT seem like an existential day with no exit. THIS KIND OF WAITING IS NO FUN.

I don't think that's what the gurus of mindfulness meant. No, they want you to BE ONE with the wait by sacrificing it to the surrendering Gods. Or maybe theres a specific fat fairy who hovers above the clouds waiting for an opportunity himself to earn his wings that you are supposed to channel. Maybe the fat fairy is supposed to swoop down while you slumber and take control of that nemesis MR WAIT by sprinkling it with rationalization dust and prayerful powders. I think the fat fairy got his walking papers. He's no where to be seen.

It's a Wonderful Life ain't it?

Waiting....ticktockticktockticktock.....when does the damn alarm go off??

There is no inner calm when one is in "wait mode...." I havent felt an inner calm since the rumours began to swirl last fall.........first like light snow flurries and then like a full on snowstorm.... And it wasn't like the rumours came out of no where. Some in fact were strategically placed and came with warnings whispered in hallways and seriously spoken of in meetings. Unkind, unhelpful, unmanaged, these rumours spread like patches of black ice, invisible to the eye but anticipated by the GUT. And when you've been told in confidence to "be prepared....be proactive....look after yourself.........GET the salt ready!!!!" Well, all you can do is try to do just that as well as wait....AS well as try to work in an environment that has lost its traction.

Reactive, proactive, responsive, submissive, sleep deprived....staying alive... in the waiting room. Will my number ever be called?

Today the majority of civil servants will drive across the black ice and carry on. Some however will have to manage the spin out. No one knows who will make it. No one knows who will land in the snowbank. No one knows who will be given a bag of salt to throw on the black ice before they drive over it and onto a new road in their personal journey.

It's the waiting that just about kills you........ and personally I am absolutely drained from its wicked ways. I am SO ready to deal with whatever comes my way today or in the fallout of this gloom and doom budget. Because you know what I've learned as I waited in the lobby of the RUMOUR MILL? I've learned that whatever happens, it may be the biggest blessing YET!

They have no idea how much emotional damage they have done. No IDEA! The loyalty gas tank is hovering on empty. There are only the fumes of trust left.

Now, can someone from the Dept. of Transportation please salt the roads? You guys are still around right?

ecouter, s'il vous plait.

Two more days and schools out for the summer. FREEDOM!!

However, not one elementary school teacher in this province will be leaving for a much deserved rest knowing what grade level or even what school they will be working in come September. They are forced to hold their breath, books and belongings and wait...........until the magic date of August 5th. That's when our illustrious and eternally bull-headed Education Minister will pull together 6 weeks of (insert sarcasm )well considered judicially enforced feedback from concerned voters only to announce that he will continue with his plan of scrapping the french immersion program as well as the daily french lessons children in the English program receive from Grade 1 on in this province. Instead, every single kid entering Grade 5 will be funneled into an intense french immersion program (to be developed, tested and implement between August 5th and September 2nd.) no matter what their personal learning levels reveal.

After that? Who knows?? The kids have a choice to enter middle school in an English stream or carry on in French immersion?

It's all a bit murky....but be prepared for a cold water dunk in the Bay of Fundy. That's how it's going to feel. An immersion into a whole new delivery of curriculum by teachers who pride themselves on their hard work in the preparation and implementation......who won't have a moment to catch their breath while they move and groove to the new twists thrown at them LESS THAN A MONTH before the first day of school, all in the name of being perceived as proactive. Despite today's Ombudsman report indicating that the public engagement or lack thereof was the worst example ever witnessed, Minister Lamrock has dismissed the recommendation of putting any changes off for a year in order to consider other avenues, in order to give the "system," particularly the Principals and teachers some breathing room. Why?? Methinks this has to do with the timing when another election would be looming and all that political silly stuff..........so much for long term visioning.

What's the rush? What's one more year in the bargain basement??

Quality of Learning my ass. ooops, sorry wrong party. Kids Come First........uhuh.....there we go. Kids Come First. And based on my reading and listening of the Minister's speeches since the onset of this cabinet, including the speeches and media comments (oh and personally written emails) targetted at the parents concerned when he decided to rip Albert Street school, nestled in the heart of the city, in arms reach of community programs, university student tutors, and many other amenities to learning, he knows best. Yes, the "father" of our children in this province knows best...........dripping in sincerity it was too. Who gives a flying fig in the process of public consultation when it's obvious that the answers are already known??

In all my sincerity, the approach of this man and the lack of process he followed in his heavy handed manner has completely stripped him of trust and integrity. Humble isn't in the picture here despite a scathing report. Today, he had the audacity to once again dismiss the "people's" representative, basically told Monsieur Richard to piss off because as the "apostle" of education, Monsieur Lamrock knows better because he speaks for the poor neglected children who all seem to be orphaned by parents unable to consider what is best for their own children. It's a slap in the face.

And guess what? Here's the kicker!! I AGREE with his recommendations except I believe french should be taught as a subject starting in Grade 1. Big changes have to be made. French immersion isn't working as it should. Children ARE dropping out of the program in record numbers when they enter high school. Bilingualism is not being met upon graduation. Our assessment scores nationally sit in the bottom of the barrel. Our overall provincial literacy and numeracy scores are still appalling compare to other provinces. (however the testing process is also a complete mess and comparing our test results with that of Alberta or Ontario is like comparing apples to orangutans........AND THAT is most definately another subject for another time). Our school systems DO need an overhaul. Streaming is most definately a problem. So is the fact that we have a multi-tiered delivery of subjects, where some areas don't even have access to french language training (or other really really important subjects for that matter)

What I cannot ignore or not comment on is the fact that fairness was neglected and respect was completely thrown out with the used duotangs and pencil stubs. Our teachers need our respect and support. Our teachers deserve our respect and support and if they are flailing under the stress of implementing the brainfart of a group of individuals who don't know how to follow a democratic process, then we need to speak out on their behalf. Are you hearing any of them voice their concerns and personal anxieties? NO! You know why?? They have been TOLD to be quiet!! Can you imagine?? They aren't speaking out because they have been told they aren't allowed to. Unbelievable.

We place HUGE expectations on the teachers, support staff AND the principals who pursue their calling working with our young ones at the elementary school level because of the importance of developing the solid foundation for lifelong learning. Their jobs are not for the faint of heart, and they aren't doing it for the money! Excellent teachers work beyond the end of school bell ringing. They put in long hours, and deal with many many issues outside of the realm of their vocation. They deserve the respect of the Minister of Education. They deserve to express their expert opinions, and to have the proper time to be able to accomodate any changes expected of them.

If this debacle turns into a reality on August 5th, WHO are the people who will suffer the most? The children! Kids Come First?? Can someone please explain to me what this means?

choking on red tape

still works, but seen better days

ready for a rant? It's been awhile.................no fluffy stuff today.............

Last week, I had a chance to chat with Charles, our local blogger extraordinaire who manages to sniff out stories and stir up anxieties at the legislature with his bloggie threats and his trusty digital camera. He was telling me a story about a woman who lives in the same rooming house as he does. This woman was very upset because she had just changed banks and found out that her new bank automatically took $50.00 out of her account. Given that she only receives about $500.00 social assistance for the whole month to pay her rent, utilities, food and other life necessities, 50 bucks is HUGE! She was livid, as was our rabel rouser Charles who took this woman down to the bank to find out what was going on. At the last minute, the woman refused to enter the building. Too afraid and too worn down from day to day living on welfare to make an attempt to confront and to find out why the bank withdrew the amount, the woman balked. It was too much for her.

Charles, went in anyways to talk to a bank Manager on behalf of his friend only to be told that it was confidential and he would have to bring the woman in. It was enough of an ice breaker that when Charles went back outside, he was able to talk her into meeting with the Manager who according to Charles was a very friendly nice woman. Things were sorted out, and the 50 bucks was returned to her account. Apologies were in order. It was an empowering feel good story. Of course, Charles took a photo of the Banker and his friend for posterity.

GOOD on ya, Charles!!

The story led to our own conversation about how quickly one's confidence and sense of empowerment goes out the window when one is on social assistance. Everyday survival life is too difficult that there isn't the energy or the motivation to fight for rights, to stand up for yourself, and to jump through the many hoops bureaucracy and businesses set up and label "service delivery." When one is trying to make ends meet until the end of the month on a measley amount......when one is worried that there won't be any money left for food for the kids, or whether or not the hydro bill is going to be paid in full or if the hydro company will cut the power, whether or not one can scratch together some money so their child can attend the end of year field trip, or that new summer sneakers can be purchased etc, etc, etc.........the thought of fighting the big bank, or the case worker, or of filling out yet another application for money to fix up their home so the rotting floors and mold are removed.....it's just too much.

Bureaucracy and big business are just plain bullies. Though you and I may be able to fight the good fight....to let our voices be heard......to stand up for our rights, there are MANY others who are worn to the core and have lost their voice. And it's not just the welfare system......it is the healthcare system, the mental health system, the banks and loans companies, some community based services, social services etc.......

Time and again, I meet with people who are fighting such huge fights, with no support or power to get their needs met. Time and again, I go out to a home to complete a social assessment only to spend a good hour listening to their unbelievable stories of frustration in trying to deal with the infamous red tape. It overwhelms them......and astounds them to a point where they just give up because no one seems to go to bat for them.


What seems to happen is that if a person puts up a little fuss, they get labelled a troublemaker. If the person takes it a little farther, they are completely ignored. It's not until they raise such a ruckus by contacting their local politician, or phoning the media or at least throwing down the threat gauntlet so hard that they are taken seriously when someone somehow somewhere cuts through the bullshit red tape. The squeakiest wheel always gets the grease!

I spent this morning with a young woman who has survived heinous abuses, chronic health issues, and was put on Dilaudid when she was 17 years old because of a sore back from being beaten by a man who basically kept her to himself since she was 12 years old (where were her parents, you ask??? hmmmm...good question.....long story). She is presently trying to kick her addiction through the Methadone program (which I visited for the first time today and I must say I was VERY impressed with the friendly non-judgemental service the staff are providing. It was a breath of fresh air that's for sure) and find another place to live because her present "room" in a house in a respectable neighbourhood is filled with mold and bugs.......so bad that she contracted a wicked infection in her lymph glands and breast and was hospitalized for a month following surgery. No one was helping her. She kept asking and asking for help and no one had the where with all to help her apply for subsidized housing until she and I first met on Friday.

Part of the problem is that she is very difficult to contact because she locks herself in her room to keep away from the filth of the rest of the basement she shares with other tenants and has the fans on to keep the stench away. As well, she is fighting to stay clean from street drugs and Dilaudid. she travels daily to the Methadone clinic (which is stupidly located in the same area as the homeless shelter and community kitchen and the area in the city where the most drug transactions and addicted individuals hang out) and then back home again. She wants to get better because she has an 8 year old son whom she wants very much to be a Mom to. She also wants to be a candidate for the Interferon treatments given to Hepatitis C patients. She can't do this until she more stable physically and emotionally.

This woman knows the underbelly of the city like the back of her hand and has survived it. She knows how to fight for her own survival. She is a fighter, and doesn't come across as a victim. Life has continued to try to rip her to shreds and yet, what I heard was a strong willed very intelligent woman who knows what she wants. She has terrific street smarts despite her wounds. AND YET..............she was losing the fight because bureaucracy was choking her with red tape.

Do you know how long it took to get her on the list for housing? 5 minutes. She will be in a brand new spotlessly clean apartment by the beginning of next month. THIS will help her immensely with respect to her healing. In another 5 minutes, she was offered a bus card to be able to travel to the clinic everyday. In another 5 minutes, she started packing up her belongings with a new sense of energy. We had a productive morning, both of us learning a great deal..........!!

After I dropped her off at her disgusting hovel of a home, I seethed...........fuck, I was mad.......and performed my best imitation of a weathered old crotchedy sailor, swearing up a storm before I tucked it back in and diplomatically entered the office of this woman's case worker. Well, maybe I didn't tuck it all in! I had to make my point.

Ok.....so that was my morning. This afternoon? A unique version of the same story.

If one tries and tries and tries........................and TRIES to jump through the hoops all the while doing everything that is asked of them and still hits a red tape brick wall time and time again, well, wouldn't you be absolutely worn out?

There is no need of this bullshit. Especially in a city the size of this one. Well, anywhere. Let's get real and deal with this incessant bullshit by helping others jump through the hoops and heal!!