Tuesday, January 13, 2009

unceasing to releasing.


Our minds churn and bubble with activity. There is not a moment in the day or night when we aren't thinking. We analyze, reflect, ponder, postulate, ruminate, daydream, drift and dream. As adults our thoughts seem so much more tangled and complicated. Our energy seems to leave our hearts colder and moves with friction into our heat zapping brains.

If we allow it, our thinking trumps our feelings like a lion would a lamb. It seems so much more aggressive as it feeds off our emotional simmerings, stirring up the voices which make you second guess yourself.

"Prove you are a good person...."

"You don't fit in........"

"Nobody really cares about you....."

"Why do you feel you are worthy? YOU aren't worthy."

"You keep screwing up. What's wrong with you?"

"Why do you think anyone can love you?"

The lamb within us becomes an innocent victim when the lion within us decides to pounce.

Our ability to think is our greatest gift, though there are times when it would be helpful if one could turn it off in order to avoid the guilt, shame, fears and anxiety it can generate. It is an isolating weapon producing paralyzing pain. When our thoughts turn on us, the pain feels like an unrelenting slaughter of the soul....one that is so difficult to stop. It is a quick swing of the pondering axe which can lead to self doubt and depression, especially if our thinking is hungry for fuel....if we are already in a wounded place.

How do we protect ourselves from allowing the roaring lion reflections to turn our lamb like emotions into a carcass? How do we internally fight off the attack of the nasty thoughts in order to find peace between the two animals? We need to take special care to hear the voice of the lamb. We need to release our thoughts, the harmful ones and the hopeful ones into a pool of prayer....where the attacking monologue turns into a dialogue with God. We need to listen to the small voice tucked deep inside...the one who reaffirms.....the one who will show us how to coach the lion to lay down with the lamb.

Listen for the love.....experience it as amazing grace. He never lies.
.....now, if I could only accept my own advice and not let the freakin' lion roar in my head....

14 comments:

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

i come to you, each morning, for my church, my daily dose. and ALWAYS come away feeling gifted.

xo

Rainbow dreams said...

we were on the same page with this yesterday Dana...
sometimes we need another person to show us that still small voice inside and to affirm that it is right.
and sometimes we need to get rid of those feelings like you say, however we choose...sometimes they need to be said or written so they can be put aside and concentrate on what is left, however small it might seem. I've heard big things from acorns grow...x

awareness said...

irish woman....thank you. you my dear made my day. wow! it warms me to know that my unravelling of thoughts make sense to someone other than me.

katie...actually, I had my friend Mary once again to fall into and to help me regain my footing when the whole day seemed like a write off....lots of negative shit happening here in the world of work.

hey, did you recognize the photo? I took it from where we were sitting at Trafalgar Square drinking tea! remember the conversation we were having?? ;)

Rainbow dreams said...

lol yes I do ;)
and I certainly do recognise it...
Thank heaven for Mary :)
It turned around here too yesterday, in part thanks to two strangers out of the blue :)

OldLady Of The Hills said...

They do have a way of doing that, don't they? It is an unfortunate thing that this happens to us because it really reduces your self esteem in a BIG BIG way....LOVE is certainly the answer if you can find it when the lions begin roaring.....!

Nikita said...

If I had but one wish for the day it would be to fill you with self-confidence. I think your spirit, your soul and yes your beautiful face are some of the most enlightened I have seen. I completely agree with irish woman... you are my church in times of dark. x

Gilly said...

My "Lion" was outside and in. It took me a long time to recognise this and let myself know I didn't have to be what it said.

If that sounds weird, just believe me, I can't say more on a public board. But we are all beuatiful, and individual, and have that right to be so.

But sometimes it takes a long time for love to come out of the chaos.

Anonymous said...

for some reason I can't get Aslan out of my head...

that wonderful line that says 'he isn't tame' followed by, 'yes, but he is good'..... sends shivers every time

awareness said...

Naomi...perhaps we need to find the people who are attracted to the lion in us roaring because then we know we've found someone who will love us unconditionally and not be frightened away when the going gets tough? just a thought.


Niki....many would say i have too much confidence! ah! it waxes and wanes like everyones. thank you sweetie. writing is a joy....when i'm in the midst of it, it's my way of praying. it gives me strength and it feeds me with good confidence.

Gilly...you're a gem! it's so difficult at times to slay those outside lions...their roar can be believable. But, when we realize that they are just big scrappy frauds, ah......the love for ourselves comes flowing back like sunlight through the window on a winter day. thank you for sharing your thoughts.

awareness said...

Paul....I have many thoughts going through my head right now...of how to interpret the line....shivers yes....knowing He has the capacity to been heard reminding us to seek love and goodness in the hearts of one another and within ourselves.

I'm relieved we have been given the ability to express all of our feelings. He gave us that gift didn't He?

x

Anonymous said...

I have wanted to be able to turn my brain off so many times, but it just keeps carrying on relentlessly, trying to drive me slowly mad. The mind is a very powerful thing and so often we find ourselves the victims of our own thoughts. Scary isn't it?

awareness said...

gypsy....very scary! it wakes me up in the middle of the night. Just yesterday, I was allowing my thoughts to take control. Then, I saw Carmi's theme which almost gave me a green light to put some of my thoughts disguised in a poem. I find that my writing is key to unravelling the thoughts and mining the feelings....it's a good process, and no matter what I write about, be it something upbeat and fluffy, or something dour and melancholy, the process frees my thoughts and lessens the burdens.

Anonymous said...

My brain has a mind of its own, so to speak. Such a wise post, full of grace. Thank you.

me ann my camera said...

Great pic and commentary. Love the familiar scene in your header. Don't love the cold we are having recently. Thanks for your visit to my blog.
ann