tiny faith by Marisa HaedikeCan I call myself a Christian if I have a strong unwavering faith based on strict boundaries and impenetrable rules? Can I be called a Christian if I show no empathy for another person's faith journey that contains sacreligious questions and doubt? I attend church every week, pray everyday and believe that the man is the head of the household. Women have their place as mothers and keepers of the home. Homosexuality is a sin. Masturbation is a sin. Abortion is a sin. Questioning God is a sin. Enjoying passionate sexual intimacy with another is a sin. Anyone who has the audacity to question the gospel deserves to go to Hell. My place of worship is far superior than other fraudulent churches that quite frankly water down the Word of God and allow their church members to discuss their personal interpretations like they have a right to. Is this Christianity?
Is faith always pure and steadfast or can it include pockets of doubt? Can I believe in God but not in some of the seemingly farfetched walking on water, parting of the seas stories? Am I still considered a Christian if I have a tough time swallowing the story of the resurrection as it is told after passing through many minds and hands of others? What is faith if it accompanies twinges of doubt? How can I find the key to my own dwelling in order to soothe my growling passions, my stirred up yearnings.....my desire to feel a sense of peace in my bones?
Can I be considered a Christian if I don't attend church regularly and stumble through the self conscious discomfort of prayer and never quite get it? Can I be considered a Christian person if my fears of death and skepticism of the afterlife leave me in a puddle of anxiety at 4 am?
Can I be considered a Christian if I don't attend church regularly and stumble through the self conscious discomfort of prayer and never quite get it? Can I be considered a Christian person if my fears of death and skepticism of the afterlife leave me in a puddle of anxiety at 4 am?
What about if I can't hold my impulsive emotions and I let them out too much in a boost of ego driven frustration instead of doing that surrendering to God thing? Will God be patient with me as I continue to fuck things up on a regular basis as I try try try to figure out where I fit in bigger scheme of things? Meister Eckhart wrote ........ holiness is not based on what we do but rather on what we are.......if our ways are good, then our deeds are radiant. Can I still be considered radiant if some of my deeds lie within the realm of sinfulness?
Why do I sometimes crave that taste of sin? Why do we allow our fears to leave us in what Father O'Donahue describes as a state of hunger in the famine of our own making? Is the taste just too alluring or could it be that we need cross the threshold to dip our toes and our souls into the open waters of the inner deep?
Any direction, answers, confessions, discussions...........will be warmly received....
Why do I sometimes crave that taste of sin? Why do we allow our fears to leave us in what Father O'Donahue describes as a state of hunger in the famine of our own making? Is the taste just too alluring or could it be that we need cross the threshold to dip our toes and our souls into the open waters of the inner deep?
Any direction, answers, confessions, discussions...........will be warmly received....
9 comments:
i think father O's answer to all these questions would be a resounding.... for fecks sake of course you can!
he spoke very plainly sometimes....
My question is..Who is making these judgements about all this? Questioning one's Faith, it seems to me is based on some kind of preconceived criteria that one has accepted---And who set these crtieria nd why does someone buy them?....
So, I guess you could say that I don't understand the standards by which people judge their faith or someone elses--From The Get-Go.
I don't know that this is in any way helpful, Dana. But I cannot get past these questions, for starters.
I am linking here today. I wish I would have wrote this I resonate with every word you said. I don't know what the word "Christian" means anymore because it depends on who's at the other end defining it.
I just wrote a post today that said I don’t know if I am a Christian. I had boldly proclaimed that I was NOT a Christian a few months ago but now…today….I don’t know what the heck I think or feel but its not good and I am beginning to think that only hope I have in this life is to accept that being lonely, frustrated, unfulfilled and depressed is normal and I should stop expecting more. Christianity angers me and hurts me but I think maybe God is real and if he is – he’s good. He loves me even though he knows I’m a total loser/sinner, he also knows my heart and my intentions are full of love.
paul....I fecking figured as much.
Naomi.....to answer....it just seems like there are a great many out there questioning their depth of Christianity and that the most judgemental are the ones who live within a fundamentalist bubble painted in black and white. Many of the questions I have thrown out there after reading The Shack, a book which has stirred the evangelical crowd into a passion of sharing their doubts and questions after many years of being told they weren't allowed to question their religion.
I don't quite get it either, because I honestly believe that God loves everyone with exactly the same intensity......he loves us all.....warts, doubts, sins and all.
Layla.....A Christian has more definitions following them than the word LOVE. :) There ain't no check list is there? Some believe there is one, but there isn't.
I loved the story in Mike Yaconnelli's book Messy Spirituality about the preacher who lost his faith. He offered to resign, but the elders of the church refused to give up on him. Instead they encouraged him to get up in front of them every Sunday and talk about why he had lost his faith, what he was thinking and feeling. So, for 3 years he did just that knowing that this wonderful loving congregation were there to love him unconditionally, to support him as he struggled with his inner turmoil.....until one day, the preacher arrived and with tears in his eyes announced that he had found God again in his life. He thanked them for never giving up on him.
I imagine that preacher's faith strenghtened more because of the fact that he was allowed to ponder, argue, debate, question, and spill his soul freely....and that it was received without judgement.
I wish we could all be so supportive of one another by encouraging our brothers and sisters to take a walk in the wilderness with us and alone.....in order to have the chance to dip their souls and toes into the open waters of the inner deep.
I imagine that preacher's faith strenghtened more because of the fact that he was allowed to ponder, argue, debate, question, and spill his soul freely....and that it was received without judgement.
I made my way here via Prodigal Daughter's blog.
I wonder, if at the end of this man's journey, he had decided he no longer could call himself a Christian, would he still be "received without judgement"?
Bloo....to quote my friend Paul who quoted Father O'Donahue..."for fecks sake of course."
Isn't that what it's all about? God loves unconditionally, no matter who you are and where you are on your journey.
I have a question for you......do we ever finish our journey?
I found your blog via Prodigal Daughter and am intrigued by this post. In my own journey as a Christ-follower I too have had these same thoughts. I think part of being a true Christ-follower is asking the difficult questions and exploring what you believe about Scripture and who you think God to be.
When I look at the lives of the 12 disciples in Scripture, I see men who doubted, lied, questioned, struggled, who didn't have it all together. Jesus doesn't expect us to have it all together...to be so strict in our faith that we forget the personal side of a relationship with Him.
I think He wants us to explore the deeper questions of Christianity and have a faith that is our own.
Thanks for sharing! I look forwarded to reading more.
Interesting and provoking post.... got me thinking!
Faith is just that... believeing in something you can't see. It's trusting that as you take that step of total faith and trust that God is who He says he is in the Bible and that Jesus did what it says he did... die to save us from our sin and give us his spirit so we can live for him and bring his amazing kingdom to bear on our sick and dying world. That as you take that step of blind faith God will show up and confirm himself to you.
I just took that step of blind faith one day. And then God showed up. I'm sorry if this sounds simplistic or glib. I can only relate to what I've experienced.
I'd love to have this conversation more with you if you wnat to email me.
Jules x
I love your honesty and have definitely been there on my faith journey. What did you think about The Shack? I haven't read it yet. Obviously, it has ignited faith questions! I just finished reading " A NEw Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren...it is worth a read-you can get it in your local library. I hate legalism and this book puts into words the journey I have taken out of legalism..although I still have remnants remaining. I hate the judgements...there is more in this life to worry about than the length of my skirt,etc!!:) As you said, Jesus loves us for who we are...He came to FREE us from the law...we are FREE ..free from sin...free to be who God created us to be, warts and all!! No we never finish our journey...I am still learning and God is still reteaching me lessons! I think our doubts about our faith hopefully draw us closer to Jesus. I read The God Delusion for my book club at work and believe it or not, my faith in Jesus was strengthened. I had a great discussion with my co0workers who have no faith. Their biggest issue is the hypocrisy in the church and I totally agree with them. That is why as a Christian, Christ follower, I want be fully aware of walking my talk and want them to see me live out my faith, doubts and all. I hope this encourgaes you...thanks so much for your honesty. I know I would enjoy having a cup of coffee with you discussing spiritual things! God Bless, Karyne
PS I do believe we put God in a box for how we think He should show up in our lives. If you see my latest post about Alanis Morissette concert you will understand. God showed up for my 4 friends and I at her concert...it was soooo cool. We had a total God moment and I don't even think Alanis is a christ-follower...she is definitely spiritual! Some people in my church would be apalled that I would say I experienced God at Alanis!!
Post a Comment