pathos, passion and purpose....

fury, passion and heat of a summer storm

Loud honestly expressive emotions scare the pants off people. We are conditioned at a very early age to keep them under wraps because they make others feel uncomfortable. Cultural and gender rules complicate the acceptable map that chart what is appropriate, and what isn't, as do the stereotypes we have for nationalities. What is allowable in a very young child, is different than what is anticipated in adolescence, or what is demanded of an adult, or even what is agreeable from a person in the later years of their lives. Different workplaces and careers spin their own set of rules.

Can you imagine an intensely gregarious librarian with a penchant for impulsive stand up comedy outbursts while returning books to their appropriate shelves? What about a motivational speaker who decides to show up one day with a bag full of anger and decides to rant and rage from the podium? A Manager who breaks into song while reviewing the agenda for the meeting? Despite the fact that we are all born with certain temperments, the acceptable range of emotions is born by the societal norms we find ourselves in.

And rightly so.................for most of our daily lives. We learn to play the game because society needs some semblance of order and order only comes when we BEHAVE. Whether it's learning to repress our natural inclinations or to more fully express beyond our inherent comfort zone, we learn the rules and abide by them. I may WANT to share exactly how I'm feeling with people I encounter during a typical day, but they most likely don't want to hear it. No...................if you're asked..........."How are you today?" Our auto-pilot knee jerk response is a bland......."Fine, thank you. How's your day going?"

polite, acceptable, expected small talk.

Try walking into the coffee shop you frequent the most and answer that question posed by the person waiting on you with a different response, even if it isn't too outrageous..........like........

"I'm exhausted and premenstrually grouchy thanks. How about you?" Guaranteed, you will..............

a) be remembered

b) receive a dumbfounded responsive look from someone who isn't used to improvising or revising their own response.

Express your LOVE too much.....Describe how much you LOATHE or ADORE an activity........Detail the SORROW you feel over a provocative movie or an encounter you've had..........Wax poetic about the PAIN and ANGUISH you feel, or how INSPIRED you feel by a piece of poetry or..................play the evocative trump card and watch out. People are just not comfortable in that milieu. You will be dismissed as an eccentrically out of control nutbar. Intensity in public is frowned upon. Intensity EVEN out of the public eye, with most of the people whom we are the closest to is not received well.

For God's sake, keep the tear ducts plugged, your fantasties on file and your passions in your pants.

Repress your distress. Well, perhaps it's alright to say you are having a bad day and leave it at that. Tell someone you enjoyed their company thank you very much, but don't hug them TOO long or they will get the wrong impression. Be good! Be nice! When one has a tendancy to wear ones emotions more openly than the societal comfort level, it is like a breath of fresh air when one finds a kindred who isn't afraid to be the receiver of them.

This is why I love writing. Though we have a tendancy to censor a lot of what we share publically, the allowable well is deeper, and the rules for the most part are of our own making. Expressive thought written down tends to be more viscerally emphatic. There's an intimacy between the author and reader that is enticing.

Writing about how one feels is to offer a venue that says......guess what? You can journey with me on this emotional trip if you want, and hopefully you can relate because you've felt them too.

Let me describe my passions.......the big bright validating life affirming scope of emotions.

Let me describe what makes me weep with sadness, what makes me rage with frustration.

Let me find the words for my desires, my hopes, my loves, my whooping JOY.

Let me stir around in the complicated silence which echos the pathos of my heart.

Let our emotions tap tap tap our thinking..........not to drive our decisions, but to add outward clarity to our inward prayers.

Writing is a cathartic character building boulevard where words merge with effervescent efflusivity. And as much as blogging is a public forum, it still has an anonymity shield which offers a chance for interaction to be a more intimate and acceptable place to display our worries, our frets, our longings. Strangers become friends because the happy hour small talk is cast aside. Blemishes are acceptable. Beauty is more robust. It can be a place where one can spill out doubts as emotionally charged as one wants.

As for the people in my life whom I have a history with outside of the blogworld who read and worry about the intensity of it all? For the love of PETE! RELAX! I personally cannot speak/write for anyone else except myself. My writing is my forum to put words to my thoughts and new ideas out while owning how I feel. I am not becoming a religious fanatic, however that is defined. What of it if I was? I am not about to take a long walk off a short pier........... I'm not running away, falling apart, losing my marbles nor changing my hair colour. (well, ok, I changed my hair colour to RED). I'm growing in the discomfort.

Wounds are never silent because they will begin to fester. They need recognition from the owner and I'm saying hello to them. I am simply poking the hibernating bear we all have lurking beneath the sheets of decorum, and LOVING the discoveries the writing has unearthed.