Sunday, October 28, 2007

pathos, passion and purpose....

fury, passion and heat of a summer storm

Loud honestly expressive emotions scare the pants off people. We are conditioned at a very early age to keep them under wraps because they make others feel uncomfortable. Cultural and gender rules complicate the acceptable map that chart what is appropriate, and what isn't, as do the stereotypes we have for nationalities. What is allowable in a very young child, is different than what is anticipated in adolescence, or what is demanded of an adult, or even what is agreeable from a person in the later years of their lives. Different workplaces and careers spin their own set of rules.

Can you imagine an intensely gregarious librarian with a penchant for impulsive stand up comedy outbursts while returning books to their appropriate shelves? What about a motivational speaker who decides to show up one day with a bag full of anger and decides to rant and rage from the podium? A Manager who breaks into song while reviewing the agenda for the meeting? Despite the fact that we are all born with certain temperments, the acceptable range of emotions is born by the societal norms we find ourselves in.

And rightly so.................for most of our daily lives. We learn to play the game because society needs some semblance of order and order only comes when we BEHAVE. Whether it's learning to repress our natural inclinations or to more fully express beyond our inherent comfort zone, we learn the rules and abide by them. I may WANT to share exactly how I'm feeling with people I encounter during a typical day, but they most likely don't want to hear it. No...................if you're asked..........."How are you today?" Our auto-pilot knee jerk response is a bland......."Fine, thank you. How's your day going?"
polite, acceptable, expected small talk.

Try walking into the coffee shop you frequent the most and answer that question posed by the person waiting on you with a different response, even if it isn't too outrageous..........like........

"I'm exhausted and premenstrually grouchy thanks. How about you?" Guaranteed, you will..............
a) be remembered
b) receive a dumbfounded responsive look from someone who isn't used to improvising or revising their own response.

Express your LOVE too much.....Describe how much you LOATHE or ADORE an activity........Detail the SORROW you feel over a provocative movie or an encounter you've had..........Wax poetic about the PAIN and ANGUISH you feel, or how INSPIRED you feel by a piece of poetry or..................play the evocative trump card and watch out. People are just not comfortable in that milieu. You will be dismissed as an eccentrically out of control nutbar. Intensity in public is frowned upon. Intensity EVEN out of the public eye, with most of the people whom we are the closest to is not received well.

For God's sake, keep the tear ducts plugged, your fantasties on file and your passions in your pants.

Repress your distress. Well, perhaps it's alright to say you are having a bad day and leave it at that. Tell someone you enjoyed their company thank you very much, but don't hug them TOO long or they will get the wrong impression. Be good! Be nice! When one has a tendancy to wear ones emotions more openly than the societal comfort level, it is like a breath of fresh air when one finds a kindred who isn't afraid to be the receiver of them.

This is why I love writing. Though we have a tendancy to censor a lot of what we share publically, the allowable well is deeper, and the rules for the most part are of our own making. Expressive thought written down tends to be more viscerally emphatic. There's an intimacy between the author and reader that is enticing.

Writing about how one feels is to offer a venue that says......guess what? You can journey with me on this emotional trip if you want, and hopefully you can relate because you've felt them too.

Let me describe my passions.......the big bright validating life affirming scope of emotions.
Let me describe what makes me weep with sadness, what makes me rage with frustration.
Let me find the words for my desires, my hopes, my loves, my whooping JOY.
Let me stir around in the complicated silence which echos the pathos of my heart.
Let our emotions tap tap tap our thinking..........not to drive our decisions, but to add outward clarity to our inward prayers.

Writing is a cathartic character building boulevard where words merge with effervescent efflusivity. And as much as blogging is a public forum, it still has an anonymity shield which offers a chance for interaction to be a more intimate and acceptable place to display our worries, our frets, our longings. Strangers become friends because the happy hour small talk is cast aside. Blemishes are acceptable. Beauty is more robust. It can be a place where one can spill out doubts as emotionally charged as one wants.

As for the people in my life whom I have a history with outside of the blogworld who read and worry about the intensity of it all? For the love of PETE! RELAX! I personally cannot speak/write for anyone else except myself. My writing is my forum to put words to my thoughts and new ideas out while owning how I feel. I am not becoming a religious fanatic, however that is defined. What of it if I was? I am not about to take a long walk off a short pier........... I'm not running away, falling apart, losing my marbles nor changing my hair colour. (well, ok, I changed my hair colour to RED). I'm growing in the discomfort.

Wounds are never silent because they will begin to fester. They need recognition from the owner and I'm saying hello to them. I am simply poking the hibernating bear we all have lurking beneath the sheets of decorum, and LOVING the discoveries the writing has unearthed.


16 comments:

Unknown said...

I spend a lot of energy each day 'behaving' for society and am so grateful that I have my blog to pour my real self into each night. Sometimes, as wild as things would get, I think it would be best if we all just unleashed ourselves and starting being 100% real all of the time.
Thanks again for the inspiring post.

awareness said...

Tori..... Even if we can't project the emotions we are feeling out in the rule structured world, we need to be aware of the tug and pull of them below the surface. We are real to ourselves then.....honestly recognizing the emotions which are the tabs to honest revelations feeds our creativity, yes?

I'm with you......it is one of the reasons why I enjoy blogging, however it seems to be that I am censoring more of what I write because of the reactions I have received based on interpretations of what I have been writing about. I don't like that feeling....second guessing how something is going to be received even before I have written it. I went from writing in some obscurity for myself to a more open venue and it has changed my approach to writing.

Marja said...

When I was young I was always a bit of a rebel, doing my own thing.
Societies punishment: exclusion
I learned to adapt but sometimes prefer my own companie above "fitting in". I find that in cyberspace I can be more myself than anywhere else.

Karen said...

Bravo Dana. You keep poking the bear and saying hello to your wounds. I know what you mean about censorship. I now know there is someone reading my blog that knows perfectly well I wouldn't want her to. Sometimes I feel like writing a deliberately inflammatory post just to say "be careful what you wish for" but I don't and I won't. Since I have been aware of her presence though I find myself thinking more carefully about what I say and quite frankly it pisses me off.

Dustin said...

I do find it interesting how our cultures have conditioned us in certain ways to react with certain responses. I catch myself so often answering the question, "How are you today?", with "I'm good, and you?" How disingenuous that is on some days.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Emotions are so hard. Express too much and people avoid you. Express too little and you are an iceberg.

I think the key is learning which emotions are connected to incident or fact and which are simply emotional storms passing through.

Nice post!

Jenny said...

When I wrote my old blog, it was the first time I've ever written things OUT - it was cleansing and healing... I had no idea of the power. I held so much in for so long, not wanting to burden anyone... and then I realized that writing was only UNburdening... me.

Now, I write for a different reason... but it's still the same.

Great post! I am a sucker for water and I always love your beach photos. Have a great Monday.

awareness said...

Marja....recently I was told by my tactful supervisor that I was a misfit. Nice, eh? Normally, this is perceived by me as a good thing.....I'm an original and all that. But, it was said in a derogatory manner in context with a lot of other rubbish labels she threw in my face when I wasn't expecting it. And it felt like an exclusionary accusation. I understand your point.

I do normally like to walk to my own beat, and almost always it's an acceptable and expected part of who I am, so it was a strange feeling to have that perception altered into something negative.

I have also found that there is a sense of feeling more of myself too. Don't know why, but there you go. :)

Gypsy. My feeling is to always be forthright. I have tried my best to continue on with as much of the same determination and belief that for the most part I AM writing for my own growing awareness. I have switched away from one of my loves......politics, because it's not a safe topic to be expressing my opinions given that I'm technically a civil servant......though I've been told I don't fit in! hahahaha!
Because there are topics which I find taboo here, I have stretched myself and my thinking with respect to my faith and I'm very happy about that.

Dustin......oh, we can remain there too feeling and doing disingenuous things all day long because it doesn't make waves etc. I find that the area I live in, people are much more open to chat and talk and share what they are doing, how they are feeling, what's going on in their lives much more than I have ever found anywhere else. Just this morning when I stopped into the Deli for a hot tea on my way to work, I was there for 10 minutes chatting with 3 others...only one I knew well. politics, new puppies, a story about a grandchild, halloween stuff, plans for company coming and a few local newsy things were shared.........feelings were too. I always seem to be late for work around here because of it. But, what the heck? It's the fabric of life isn't it? AND I didn't start the conversation this time.....I just found myself in the middle of it. I also got a hug too! This does not happen where I grew up.


claudia......i think the other component we have to keep in mind is how much the receiver of our feelings and passions can handle. If I'm with someone who is not afraid of intense feelings and opinions, I will be more apt to be that much more expressive. however, there is a bit of the devil in me if I know someone thinks of me as too intense etc.....my inclination is to jack up the heat. baddie arent i?

paris parfait said...

Dana, amen, amen and AMEN! I can't count the number of times I've been around people who are terrified to express their emotions - or those who are unafraid to express them and go overboard and scare or shock people! I've always found I can write out things I couldn't bring myself to say in person.

awareness said...

Anon.......sorry I missed you. We must've been writing at the same time. Writing is a true unburdening for me.....therapy that works, truly. I was speaking to a fellow blogger this afternoon and he stated the same thing.

Tara. I have been told the same and know the same of myself.....I am more expressive writing than I am in person, though some wouldn't believe me....only some though.... Written words have the power to pull people in far easier than the spoken word unless you're a gifted orator. I think the most effective politicians are people who have that ability to entice and excite a crowd of people. The key I believe is to be speaking in a manner where the listener in the crowd feels like they are the audience all on their own. I've experienced that and it is tremendously powerful......just like good writing can be

Robert said...

so vividly expressed dana!! I am also one who thoroughly finds writing invigorating and a means to unleash all the various aspects of my personality that reside within. Lots of times it is hard to display them openly for various sundry reasons always love the pics you post as well and ty so much for making a foray onto my small chunk of the blogosphere

J Pearson said...

Encouraging words to would be writers and those on a journey of discovery.
Thanks.

Brian Bowen said...

I couldnt agree more. I dont know how many times I've been labeled as a pot stirring trouble maker simply for passionately stating what I believe or simply saying what Im thinking or trying to go beyond the normal way of thought to find something better.

And writing out your emotions... once again I so hear you. Many times I have simply typed out a feeling... a temporary state of emotion... and suddenly readers are thinking I need more faith or that I need to learn to trust God more or that I need some sort of spiritual guidance... it was just an emotion expressed in words.

Anyway, great post, I happened to stumble upon you following a comment you made on another blog.

Perplexio said...

This really hit a nerve with me. You really hit the nail on the head. When I post some of the things I post it's because I'm putting feelers out there to see if there's anyone else who doesn't just sympathize, but actually empathizes with what I'm writing/have written. And sometimes I do get responses indicating that I'm not the only one who thinks/feels that way.

It's kind of weird/interesting. Last week I had dinner with an old friend of mine. And I felt myself able to talk to her the way I often write-- rather uncensored and open. Besides my wife, there are very few people I feel that comfortable being that open with mano-a-mano (or mano-a-womano). Generally I only am able to connect that way through the written word.

awareness said...

robert. The blogworld is a place where we can be less inhibited to express our feelings and opinions, I agree. It's like having a place where we can test the waters so to speak. Thanks for your comments.

Brother David.....I'm glad you see my thoughts and words as encouraging. I find that many times i will write something as a way of processing my own thoughts as a way to seek insight. I don't know if others do this or not, but sometimes I don't even know what I will end up writing down. I start with an idea and let the stream of consciousness take over..... the end result is more often than not a surprise to me, accompanying a learned lesson. I guess it's like any therapy. :) ie. just keep talking and sense will eventually find its way.......or just keep writing and sense may appear eventually........


Brian....welcome. Good to know you're out there telling it like you see it. There really is no other way as far as I am concerned. Why people get so bent out of shape when they hear or read how you are personally feeling is a bizarre concept to me. It's not like they own your feelings or my feelings.......so why does it bother them so?

perhaps, we need to see it as a way for them to reach out in a helping manner........because I really believe that's what it's all about. We are blessed to have people around us who care enough to ask how we are.

Perplex......I'm so glad you left your comment, because it validates my thoughts.....which is what you seek sometimes too, as you have written.
Like you, there are very few people in my life whom I am the most comfortable with opening up and sharing without feeling like I will be judged or that I have to explain myself more broadly.
I have found a couple of others through blogging which has been such a blessing. And one day? I will meet them at a pub somewhere to share a pitcher of beer and many heartsongs and secrets. Something to look forward to!

Pearl said...

Public faces can be a pain to keep in place when you want to shout to the mountains or explain it all out, not in passing, glossing over but really getting into it. Writing's good for that, I agree.