Monday, February 12, 2007

what if?




Don't know where this post is going to lead me, but I'm here for the ride.

How useful is the time spent ruminating over the "what ifs?"

What if I had handled it differently? What if I hadn't taken what he said to me to heart? What if I had been ten minutes later? What if I had taken a different path? What if we had never met? What if............................

A case of the "what ifs" can render you sitting on that carousel horse going around and around and around...........same cheesy tune..............same scenery floating by.............and what are you left with? A sore ass, a head full of knotted misgivings and a complete hate-on for the carnival.

More often than not, this rehash process happens after something sinister or nasty happens as a means to assess and evaluate.........as a means of learning. The effectiveness goes off the rails and into a navel gazing exercise in futility if one can't just accept and let go..............to forgive yourself for screwing up.........to agreeing with yourself that you'll try better next time. When the screw up is a huge one, well it may mean a lot of time examining the what if's.

Sometimes it isn't a self-inflicted screw up. Sometimes something happens that send you reeling and wondering.......awake at all hours............

A good friend and colleague was confronted with big "what ifs" last week, accompanied by the question, "what is the universe telling me?" On her way home from the office last Tuesday, alone in the car, she was hit by a woman in a pick up truck who was speeding down the wrong way on a one way street. The pick up truck crushed the passenger side of my friend's vehicle, totalling the car. Both women are fine. My friend ended up bruised and emotionally shook up.
The what ifs? Well, her husband just happened to be away last week. Had he been home as per usual, my friend would've been the passenger. As well, she had left work 10 minutes early, which is unusual for her as she works days and many evenings in the community pouring her heart into her job and into the people she helps. What if...............

5 weeks ago, just after Christmas, my friend's 20 year old daughter was on her way home from visiting her father's family an hour or so away. She hit black ice on the rural highway, spun out and flipped the car only to land in a ditch right side up. As she spun around, the big thermos of hot soup her grandmother gave her and the coffee she was drinking spilled open and swirled all around her, never touching her. The car was totalled, but my friend's daughter walked out of the car and took herself to the nearest home for help. It was like a protective bubble was around her.......not a scratch nor a burn or much bruising.

What is the universe telling them? Who knows?

The day after my friend's accident last week, I went over to check on her and to drop off a bag of goodies. She had decided to take the rest of the week off...................so I found her smiling, still full of adrenaline and wonder. She asked........

"What message am I supposed to hear? What is the universe telling me? How can we be so lucky? Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatif..................." We talked our way through the incidents, and I'm sure she has done so several times since. It was needed. It was big.

Why did this happen to me?

Not everything that happens has a bold reason behind it, but I do believe we are thrown hardball lessons sometimes. That's when we need to take the time to analyze it. Who knows how long we should perseverate over the meaning of something because boy oh boy we sure can get stuck in that one unmovable place pretty darn fast. It really depends on the lesson.

We may never know the answer........what we may recognize is that often these life experiences, whether it's a choice made gone awry, or it's a new person who has entered your life, or it's an event that is completely random...........it just may be a lesson in humility.

We are human. The only thing we have control of are the choices we make before and after an encounter or an event...........how we handle it...........whether we recognize it as a message from Above, or whether we are stopped in our tracks for a long time wondering.........it is almost always humbling.

10 comments:

Lady Prism said...

What if...

I didn't click on your site...I wouldn't have read this...clearly what the universe wants to tell me...at this very point in my life..

awareness keeps following me..:>

thank you...

Rainbow dreams said...

What if's, coincidences...the things that make us wonder at the mystery of life, you're right they are always humbling.
For me they keep me believing in the vastness of possibility and potential...

Perplexio said...

Great post... I generally went through the "what ifs" after failed relationships ended. Some relationships prompted much more "what ifs" than others. With some, I saw the end coming so when it came I didn't let things ruminate or "marinate" for too long. With others I felt like I was knocked completely off balance for months-- literally. And of course there'd be plenty of "what ifs" associated with the healing process. One failed relationship took me nearly a year to get over, another took me a good 3 or 4 months before I met the girl who inevitably became my wife... and instead of asking "what if?" I found myself remarking, "OHHHH, so that's why!" :-)

Yesterday my wife was cleaning house and found one of those keychains with the peep-hole you hold it up to the light and there's a picture inside. This one happened to have a picture of my ex-girlfriend and I standing outside an amusement park. I'd forgotten I even had it.... and it did get me asking... well you know the rest. And while once upon a time that "what if" filled me with regret that I wasn't living the "what if" this time I gave thanks that I wasn't living that "what if" and instead I was living the reality I'm currently in.

awareness said...

hey luxie.....glad to see you here! yes.....awareness....it keeps kicking me in the ass! :)

Katie.....sometimes the lessons and the questioning have no end and we just have to get to a point when we accept the consequences of our choices, and boy that can be so difficult. For the most part, though it does lead us to a place of vast wonder.

Are you off to do some more training? I will pop that package in the post today.....!! take care

Perplexio.....love your comments. Isn't it funny how one little trinket can just SHOW UP and lead us down a what if path that we thought was grown over? The same thing happened to me on Saturday when I discovered the words to the song I posted on the weekend......changes......all of a sudden, I'm transported back thinking and wondering and all that goop.......

As you stated though, I quickly gave thanks......and felt assured that my choice in life partner in the end was the right one. yessirreeee........

Blogger Charles LeBlanc said...

Do me a favour? Can you send me a private email at

oldmaison@yahoo.com

There's something I want to ask ya?

Anna said...

I am not one for what-ifs....

I think you can spend way too much time thinking it and not living WHAT IS.....

awareness said...

hey Charles......havent heard anything yet......will let you know. ;)

Anna......wish I could say the same, but unfortunately, my brain is wired to ask the question. However, I try not to stay stuck, but I do find that by asking, I can sometimes gain insight into my own actions and reactions to situations and then try to move on.
Too many events or encounters have occured in my life when I just have to ask.........why and what if....it allows me to acknowledge a greater power and to possibly move closer to believing that there are many incidences which occur that are meant to be.

I see the process of asking the "what if" questions as a way to give thanks.....as a way to accept the lesson I have been provided. To me, it is all tied in with realizing the presence of synchronicity......and that many many things in our life are not random.

Robert said...

hey dana!!! Wow.... I have wondered about posting a similar theme myself because as you mentioned my brain is hotwired to ponder these questions. I do find myself going round and tound on that carousel attimes trying to discover an answer but as you said often the answer seems to be move on acceot and be humbled. This post will have me pondering quite awhile now thank you so much miss awareness :)

carmilevy said...

Fate has an amazing way of forcing us to stop and think about our lot in life, and why we need to suck the most out of every moment we're given.

A close friend's aunt died yesterday after a long battle with cancer. Your entry will play in my mind as I visit the family's shiva house (house of mourning) and try to make sense of a life cut short.

Thank you for writing this. Your blog is unceasingly inspirational.

awareness said...

Robert........glad to offer another "tune" for the carousel ride. :)

Carmi.....thank you. Fate is a leveller.........living with open exuberance and with eyes wide open is something we all should strive to do, I agree. thinking of you and your friend today.