please pass the fibre........

It is in my humble opinion that anal retention should be rendered illegal. Not only does it bung up healthy social interaction, communication and celebration, it levels any form of compromise or consensus. One anal retentive individual, stuck on the loo of life has the capacity to bring things to a screeching halt...........or at least slow it down to a snails pace. Sure, Retenters (new word, thank you very much) are good for making sure the details are considered.........but they ALWAYS take it to the nth degree of neurosis. Just when you think you've reached a point where a step in a project is completed and agree upon, the corked butt starts hedging.........and hemming and hawwwwing with trembling trepidations.

What if.........
Dont you think we need to........
What about........
I'm wondering..........
We forgot.........
Let's not get ahead of ourselves........
We need to consider......
Oh, wait a minute, we forgot to draw the happy face in the dot of the "i"
Can we review what we've done one more time?


OK................so here's a worse combination..........anal retentive control freak worry wart. These people are named Superdeeduper Retenters. Though they are few and far between, I would highly recommend that you run for the hills if you happen to encounter this breed or else you'll get sucked into the island of Myopia where navel gazing competes with thumb twirling as preferred pastimes, where micromanagement is considered holy, where colouring outside of the lines is blasphemous. Egads!!! Its hell on earth!!

Unfortunately, I forgot to put on my running shoes....................

Unfortunately, I have spent a considerable amount of time assuaging a classic Retenter.........a considerable amount of my SPARE time. You see, I have another moniker besides Miss Muskie, and Awareness, the Motor Mouth Blogger Lady and Greatest Mom Ever, and Practically Perfect Wife and Lover, I also go by the title of President. In my so-called SPARE (insert coughing here) time, I am President...........with approval ratings much higher than Dubya down in Washington........... Yes it's true. I'm President of the Home and School committee at my son's school. Sure it's not as prestigious as say Pres. of the United States of America, but I think I can safely state that I have more friends..........

Usually this gig is manageable and fun. Over the years (this is my third tenure........it was my daughter's elementary school first) I have met the most wonderful group of women.....funny that! ALL WOMEN! Where are the Daddio's when it comes to volunteering at the school?......anyways........I have met a group of wonderful women whose lives are as busy as mine.........most juggle home and work and various and sundry other extra curriculars........so a Home and School meeting is often a couple of hours of sharing funny stories and catching up as well as planning fundraisers and connecting with the teaching staff to learn of the highlights of the school day etc. There have actually been times when we moved the H&S meeting to a local pub......... Between the group of us over the years, we have been involved in raising thousands of dollars for this terrific school, all of which goes directly back to enhance the curriculum and materials.

All rewardingly good on many levels.................until I somehow managed to find myself in the middle of a controversy between Superdeeduper Retenter person who happens to run the school and the Treasurer............on the "best practises" of bookkeeping........... in other words......who signs the cheques? These are cheques for milk orders and hot lunch pizzas. These are cheques for teacher supplies and extra curricular stuff for the kiddies. We're not talking about Trump like millions here. Given that the Treasurer is an Accountant and Auditor, I was more than confident that she knew what she was doing. However, even though I knew the tendancies of Superdeeduper Retenter guy, I underestimated his pitbullness.

The Prez (me) frigged up by categorizing him as a mere Retenter................... a costly mistake, let me tell you. This little issue, which I thought was a fly by night minor one compared to the issues of world poverty, hunger, terrorism and war, AND I STILL DO BTW........this little issue has wreaked havoc since September on the wonderful relationships between Home and School.

I have tried various time consuming mediating tactics.

• Recommend the two parties discuss the issue on their own.
• Talk to both parties to see where the issue is
• Listen to both sides
• Ask advice from outside person
• Put it on the agenda to discuss at a meeting (only to be ambushed by others with opinions)
• Walk away and ignore it
• Pray that other bigger issues take Superdeeduper attention away from it
• Shut down and focus on Christmas
• Listen some more.

smile, smile, smile..........

THIS IS VOLUNTEERING???

Last week, we had a closed meeting...........just the parents on the committee. We had a great lesson on accounting practises.......... and we made a decision..........unanimously..........to maintain the status quo on the cheque signing. That meant that the Superdeeduper Retenter didn't have signing authority. As Prez, it was my job to let him know.

I contacted him the next day...............and talked on the phone. He was not a happy camper. No reassurances...........or acknowledgement of his side of the scenario was going to settle this issue in his perseverative brain. It was completely transparent to me that he was personally offended.....the issue had turned into a power tug of war issue. Short and sweet was the conversation. Then I followed up with a detailed email, highlighting important points but also directly acknowledging hurt feelings and stress etc between parties. I've shared this email with everyone involved. Now, I have been told has been forwarded to the Superintendent and the Chief Financial Officer of the school district.

For the love of God, I hope the Superintendent and the CFO have a heck of a lot more to do than be messing with this stupid issue. Kids are graduating illiterate for goodness sake..............

Can you see why I am recommending that we pass a law...........or at least for all our sakes we help them learn how to pass wind? Be careful where you are standing...............


PS. As I have been writing this post, I received an email with the minutes from the meeting attached. Turns out the secretary had her own conclusion to the issue........and wrote up minutes which indicate the OPPOSITE of what was agreed upon. She left a copy of it with the Superdeeduper Retenter today..........before they had been read and approved.

To quote the always eloquent ex-NDP leader and knitting enthusiast, Alexa McDonaugh......."Horseshit. Complete, total horseshit!"