It starts with stabbing feeling deep down in your gut
an uncomfortable twinge of realization
filling you with too much oxygen
an unharnessed burst of anxiety
It can make you feel naked........caught in the headlights
It can make you feel tender and raw
It can make you feel alone
It happens during moments when you least expect it.
Often in the dead of night
You've put on a brave face for a long time......and then when you feel like you've overcome the adversity and you start to relax...........
the sharp stab of vulnerability arrives
out of the blue
Where does vulnerability come from?
What does it tell us?
Why do others shy away from you when you admit that this is how you're feeling?
Maybe shown vulnerability is like a reflection pool......maybe.
an uncomfortable twinge of realization
filling you with too much oxygen
an unharnessed burst of anxiety
It can make you feel naked........caught in the headlights
It can make you feel tender and raw
It can make you feel alone
It happens during moments when you least expect it.
Often in the dead of night
You've put on a brave face for a long time......and then when you feel like you've overcome the adversity and you start to relax...........
the sharp stab of vulnerability arrives
out of the blue
Where does vulnerability come from?
What does it tell us?
Why do others shy away from you when you admit that this is how you're feeling?
Maybe shown vulnerability is like a reflection pool......maybe.
9 comments:
I think there's a general feeling that vulnerability is contagious or maybe there's an inherent fear of co-dependence in many people. Admitting vulnerability is a surefire way to seperate those who fear the possibilility of becoming co-dependent and those who are willing to take that risk for a friend in need.
I think shown vulnerability reflects parts of us we'd rather keep hidden - puts the spotlight on our insecurities
Thing is if we have the courage to share them they often shrink, that is if someone is prepared to let us share them...
this is exactly where i am living right now!
...in the middle of a deep in my gut, anxious, tender and raw state of vulnerability.
Amen. This is why when we read someone's words that strike a chord, we weep or laugh. I think we're always surprised to discover how connected we can be to others - especially if we're used to pushing them away.
Thanks for you comments everyone. Here are some of my thoughts to add to the mix....I'm having a tough time responding separately to you guys tonight.......perhaps because I'm full of thoughts and I see how they fit with what you have stated.
Our vulnerabilities place us in a precarious and insecure spot where we often feel totally inadequate to deal with the cause or reason. It even can make us feel ugly and even ashamed because if we really acknowledge it, we are showing someone our warts. who wants to show the world anything but our most photogenic image.
Besides, what happens if you do show your true self to someone and you're dismissed or ignored or put down or not accepted........what then?
So we will expend a lot of energy to protect our vulnerabilities. This can manifest itself through many masks........bravado, aggression, bullying, denial, repression, suppression, turning into a control freak, acting out in other ways.....or even becoming a doormat.....
So often our "vulnerabilities" are triggered by others...sometimes we dont even know it.....we aren't fully aware of them ourselves. But, BEFORE we know it, we react....kaboom!! Then after circumspection, we can see why we reacted the way we did...is this where it can lead to co-dependence Perplexio? Perhaps?
I know this has happened to me....whenever someone starts at me in some kind of attack mode pressing a button in me that is labelled "stupid." Even though I know where this insecurity comes from, I'm like a bear cornered when I feel that vulnerable button pushed.... it doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I can make a mess of a situation. But, it's also very hurtful when someone is aware and yet tries to bully me anyways, or worse ignores.
When it is the first time admitting a "vulnerability" or showing a weak vulnerable side, what are we asking for? Recognition that we are still beautiful and reassurance that we are still accepted.....when this happens, that's when I think they start shrinking, don't you Katie?
When there is a sense of kindredness between two people, the words shared can affect us much more deeply than with others. I agree Tara...laugh and weep...we are connected in a manner that it makes it all the more important to handle with care. It is very special.
Trust and compassion shown by others who matter
Security in sharing with others who matter
Unconditional acceptance.
Unconditional.......
These matter..........this is the medicine to help shrink the "uglies"
I hate feeling ugly. I hate being perceived as ugly. Who does?
Pip? I will quote you.... "beautiful imperfections"...... embraced with grace......our vulnerabilities turn to beauty when we see them as beauty personified.
Layla......I know you're dealing with big stuff and feeling very vulnerable right now....take good care and know you're never on that path alone :).
The more people are hurt, the more they cover and protect their vulnerabilities
The exposure of vulnerability can only be healing when it is done in a safe place. Otherwize it just tears another hole. Or makes the wound deeper. The balancing act of vulnerability is risk versus safety. To be vulnerable is to risk. But too much risk is dangerous for our health.
A sentence of Thomas Mertons lodged in my consciousness from his auto biography. "We should only look at the weaknesses of others for the purposes of compassion."
If we all used that rule of thumb, there would be alot less mask wearing in the world.
I believe that our ability to recognize and even embrace our own vulnerabilities increases as we become more self-aware or self confident.
Then we can live through vulnerable moments or events without trying to hide them or cover them up.
I guess maybe I feel that we get beyond worrying about how others view us and earn the right to be vulnerable, if we want!
Lately, I have felt terribly vulnerable and it certainly relates to my confronting an overwhelming sense of mortality. But, it is not just my own mortality - it is that of others whom I love - my friends and family.
Last week - I spoke with Ron, a fellow that I have not seen or talked to in a number of years. I used to see him quite a bit connected to my business. It was really good to renew an old aquaintance - friendship even. About 10 years ago, he had an intern who came to work with him from Germany - her name was Sabine. Due to the nature of our work, I got to know her quite well and became fond of her, as a friend as well.
Two years later she returned to Germany and got inolved in the same industry in which I work, although I lost touch with her.
At the end of a long conversation, reminiscing about our great times together some years ago, Ron told me that Sabine had died last May - cancer - 35 years old.
I have cried a lot these past few days. We were friends - associated through business - but I am feeling this loss in an extraordinary way.
Why?
What I can tell you is that I am not ashamed - I am not looking for a way to "protect my vulnerability". I do feel in a "precarious and insecure spot". I don't feel ugly - I am not worried about being dismissed.
Simply put...I am sad.
Monk. Your points are so important. It is always a balancing act, risk vs. safety. sometimes we think we're safe and accepted though and find out otherwise. It's a tough life lesson.
Merton's insights are words to live by. Thank you for sharing them.
Ian. Acceptance and awareness of our own vulnerabilities, allows us to be receptive to the pain we often have to face. I'm so sorry to hear of your friend. She was too young......
This morning I read a piece by Henri Nouwen that serendipitously fits this topic.
he writes: "Care is something other than cure. Cure means change............ Cure desirable as it may be, can easily become violent, manipulative, and even destructive if it does not grow out of care. Care is being with, crying out with, suffering with, feeling with. Care is compassion. It is claiming the truth that the other person is my brother, my sister, human, moral, vulnerable, like I am. When care is our first concern, cure can be received as a gift. Often we are not able to cure, but we are always able to care. To care is to be human."
There is nothing more genuine than transparency in people. It is a trait that I admire. Everything is there and you can choose whether to accept it or not. I think that it is indeed a reflection for us when others can be so honest.
Very thoughtful post.
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