familiarity

 most recent shot of Lisa 

who still allows me to photo stalk her legs, the dear woman!.  

she's gonna have a new baby!

Familiarity offers respite to a clenched soul.  It allows the easing of muscles, while reacquainting with solid ground.  Routine straightens the staggered walk, especially if it encourages a reunion with the groove you've chosen to enhance the more mundane tasks of life.   Early Saturday mornings offer this to me as a gift. My routine is familiar and I own it outright.  It is not tied to being responsible for anyone else.  It is not contingent on anyone but me.  Saturday mornings have always felt like a bouquet of fresh air after a long week of juggling roles and responsibilities. 

No matter what season, it always begins with quiet time sipping the first cup of tea in the morning, some writing, a little reading, and if I'm lucky, awakening along with the rising of the sun.  Awakening is more than just opening your eyes and rubbing the sleep from them.  It is a light toe tapping spring of spirit, that liberates thoughts from their dream state.   It is a process of reflection allowing the chance to seek out a balance.  Unclenching... releasing.... by taking time for myself before the day gets away from me.   Sometimes it works, sometimes there are just too many burdens to filter through.  No matter what, however, it certainly lightens the load somewhat and allows me a chance to catch my breath.  

As much as I'm a true extravert, or maybe because I'm one, I need quiet alone time to regroup.  Saturday mornings is the time I cherish it the most.... free to wander and shake out the restlessness and pent up work stuff.

Before anyone stirs, I'm out the door, camera in hand, on my way to the Fredericton market. Alone.  It's a destination that always puts a smile on my face.  A sense of liberation envelopes me, knowing everyone at home is safe and sound.  I don't have to worry.  If you aren't aware of this.....Mommas worry, even when they really don't have to.  There's always a inherent niggling feeling in the pit of the gut when the activity level is high and everyone is out of the house doing their own thing.  I don't have that on  Saturday mornings.   Just a smile....a light step, a head full of morning awakening stuff and my favourite tunes.   

Rarely do I miss attending.  My favourite time of day to be there is when some of the vendors are busy getting organized.... when there is room to mill about without the mid morning crowds.  My path crosses with friends who work there, and friends who I may not have seen in a while.  It's all about catching up, and sharing a light hearted smile or too.  

Sometimes I arrange to meet a friend for breakfast, but usually my time is free and the conversations I get caught up in are unpredictably interesting.  It's all familiar in a good, good way.............  and if you ever want to join me, you'll find me wandering around taking photos, and inhaling deeply the sights and sounds and wonderful aromas all found within the heart of the city.   I'll introduce you to some of my favourite people too.... they ALL have the best stories to share!!!

early morning light catchers.... just like me. :)

the pursuit of happiness and meaning

oooh, looks like Christmas arrived as planned. it was a wonderful day. I got meeself a new book and oh, yeah an engagement ring from my husband.

"Each person has his secret and mystery, his particular journey, his vocation to grow. Certainly, many people never achieve full maturity, but each can make a little progress toward establishing his identity and becoming open to others. The important thing is not that we should acheive human perfection -- far from it -- but that we should set out on the road toward it through acts of openness and love, kindness and communion. Every person today, in whatever situation he finds himself, in his home or at work, can perform such acts. "

Jean Vanier, Essential Writings, One Heart at a Time.

We are all born with potential. My potential may look very different and feel very different than yours because we all have own our uniqueness. What we share and what we have some empowerment over, are the conscious choices we make as human beings. Who we become is based on the values we want to live by, the friends we choose to connect with, the vocation we choose to stretch ourselves in, where we establish our foundational roots and whether or not we choose to accept the responsibility of playing a role in the life of community. These are based in reality, not in a life cupped by illusionary dreams.

We strive. We strive to accept ourselves for who we are and for who we are becoming. Its tough to remain open and honest with secrets tucked underneath the blemished freckled skin that encases us. Its not an easy thing to love ourselves, warts and all. We want to eradicate the freckles, lose the wrinkles, hide the grey hair, get rid of the lumps and bumps. We spend precious time waxing and plucking and shaping our outer skin as a means of avoiding a good long look at our secrets. And if we don't take a peak at those, we also don't learn about our hidden abilities either, nor do we recognize the hurts tucked away in a fault. The problem with this approach to life is that if we choose not to wrestle with the serious frightening side of who we are, we forfeit the opportunity to learn about our gifts. If you've never allowed yourself a chance to create something from your own canvas, how will you ever know the kind of artist you are becoming?

What a waste of a lifetime to be constantly resculpting the outer shell......wearing masks to avoid taking a good look. Our capacity to grow deepens if we become more honest with ourselves because it is then when we can be open to accepting those around us.

In his always inspirational words, Jean Vanier writes......."the dangerous thing for human beings is to want to be other than who they are, to want to be someone else, or even to want to be God. We need to be ourselves with our gifts and abilities, our capacity for communion and co-operation. This is the way to be happy."

So often we shrink away from sharing who we really are for fear of being rejected or feeling insignificant. These are fears we bring forward in our own psyche......from past experiences of being unloved, neglected, abused, treated poorly. We may have been bullied. People may say mean things to us over and over to a point where we begin to believe the words, the descriptions of who we are. If this wound is left to fester inside hidden behind a mask which covers up our true selves, it impacts every single choice we make with respect to our relationships…..it impacts our actions and reactions. It tackles our very own ability to think and feel effectively.

I have a few friends whom I am completely at ease being myself with and I hope they feel the same with me. One lovely friend told me that nothing I shared would scare him away and am happy to report ….. so far so good. At times he calls me crazy, but I know it’s done with a tender endearment. I have been able to be more reflectively honest in this friendship because I was given carte blanche. The gift is freedom.

I also have friends who are uncomfortable with my honesty and I try to hold back. When they ask me about my work or how I’m feeling they only want staid and pat answers……..nothing which would warrant discomfort. I'm usually fine with that, though it saddens me that I can't fully be myself and more importantly I will never know them except as surface dwellers. Their choice. Not mine.

There is nothing more affirming that to be accepted as the hairy, lumpy bumpy freckled beasts we are because it allows us to carry our secrets, our uniqueness with a sense of acceptance and belonging. It also feeds our curiosity to ask others to share with us.

If we are ever going to make the much needed shift in this world…..to work towards a semblance of solidarity instead of a competitive judgemental hierarchy where winning is always the goal; if we are ever going to recognize the fundamental sameness of all…..vulnerable human beings, needful of love and acceptance…..we must begin by looking at our own mysteries, not simply as regrets, but as gifts of learning. Golden gifts to mine….and to share.

Much of life is predetermined……how we share it and whom we share it with isn’t.

A photo of my friend Joey who sells her homemade Thai food at the market from spring to late fall. This year, despite her strong aversion to the cold Canadian winters, Joey decided to bundle up during the month of December to sell her spring rolls, wontons, thai noodles and wonderful sweet potato crisps every Saturday morning. Why? Well, she could use the money herself being a lifelong student constantly striving for more academic food. But, her true philosophy is that she can live frugally and be happy doing so. No, the money she earned went to personal items for the men and women at the shelters, and to a children's charity that is close to her heart.

Two weeks from now, Joey heads home to Thailand to see her family and to continue planning her calling....to help women in her country strive to pull themselves out of poverty. She is a lively feisty beautiful woman and we've shared many secrets over the past couple of years. I admire her completely.

Happy New Year Joey. See you when the crocuses begin to peak through the snow in spring.

laughing legs, happy feet, hopeful heart.

Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows how much I love the Boyce Farmer's Market in Fredericton. It is my pleasurable destination on Saturday mornings. I usually try to get there before the crowds so I can mooch around, buy produce and something savoury OR sweet to eat, take photos, and most importantly have a chance to talk to friends who work there and others whom I happen to cross marketplace paths with. It's a touch base place...........a "how was your week" kind of comraderie, though I do find that many of the conversations I end up having are much deeper and more interesting than one would expect. I think that's what makes this market unique.

There's no telling what subjects are on the menu........it usually depends on what is happening in the city or beyond it's borders. Politics is a huge staple, as it is THE destination for any glad-handing campaigner. Global issues, recent reads, what's happening at the Universities, the weather of course because that is ALWAYS threaded into a conversation with a Canadian, sports, health.....the economy are all fodder for opinion driven open airing. There are regular buskers, a balloon animal creative clown who last month had a sign asking everyone to VOTE for Tinsel for Prime Minister, a few regular people asking for money. There's a little girl entrepreneur who has her own table (a child's plastic picnic table) where she sells "tickle sticks" and beaded bracelets. Tickle sticks are kebab sticks skewered with gummy candy. The place is full of activity...........full of hardworking farmers selling their harvests, fishermen from the north shore selling their fresh catch, and creative individuals selling their wares.

BTW, The photos accompanying this piece are of the same woman I've been photo stalking for the past year, and she found me out!! :) I have been OUTED as a legging admirer!! Lisa sells wonderfully eclectic bags, satchels, knitted hats and of course leggings like the ones in the first photo. She's now a bloggie reader! Hope you like the pics altogether Lisa. You keep being leggy creative and I'll keep taking pics. Then, we'll do something REALLY cool with them, K?

Yesterday morning, I was up very early once again writing while everyone slept. After I put a dent into the piece I ended up finishing and posting later in the day, I got dressed and headed out the door, only to be blown away by the beauty of the sunrise. It never ceases to take my breath away, especially the sunrises in the fall. For some reason, and I'm sure there's a scientific reason to it, the sunrises are much more vivid and dramatic in the fall. Ribbons of red and orange spread out across a purple sky, interspersed with the dark layers of cloud. It made the newly naked trees silouetted as it reached from the land up into the vast sky. I stood there and marvelled at how lucky I am to be living in this part of the world where abundance is taken for granted, where beauty never sleeps. It is never hard to find.

It seemed more powerful, more emotional to me yesterday morning, and I think that had to do with much of the reading I have been doing this week on the conflict and oppression in the occupied territorities where my friend Paul has been experiencing and exploring as a pilgrim. His posts have been heartflowing and have prompted me to educate myself a bit more on the conflicts in that part of the world.

I couldn't live farther away from strife than I do. The sense of freedom, spiritually, politically, emotionally, expressively paints our skies with hopeful comfort. Our dreams expand beyond the horizons into the infinite possibilities of eternity. This is what I was thinking as I looked out at a new day dawning, realizing just how damn lucky I am.

As I turned on the car to set off, a song came over the airwaves which nearly sideswiped me with it's magical timing. Alison Kraus' version of Down to the River to Pray (from O Brother Where Art Thou) filled my van as I pulled out of the driveway and headed east towards the Monet sky, with the beautiful Saint John River flowing beside me. The hymn never fails to grab hold of something very deep inside me and pulls me into singing along off key but in my mind completely in harmony. The purity of her voice is like listening to a ray from the sun.

The next song on the radio also blew me away because of the symbolism and memories it holds for me. James Taylor's version of You've Got a Friend........ All of a sudden, I'm transported back to a chapel I had orchestrated many years ago at the summer camp I attended and worked at. It was the last chapel of the summer..........AND the last summer of my 12 years at camp. I had taught my group of girls/campers the song in order to have them sing it with me at the chapel. I loved the song and wanted to pass it onto the rest of the camp in order for it to be included in the songbook/repetoire for the future.

So, there I was driving to the Market but completely and utterly remembering the very moment when my girls and I got up to sing it...... what happened as soon as I opened my mouth to lead the song? I was struck with such a forceful blast of emotions, like my 12 years of camp was floating quickly passed me, that I couldn't get past the first two lines.

My throat constricted, my mind went blank and I was overwhelmed by the reality that my years at a place I STILL hold close was coming to an end. I was also acutely aware that I was standing up in front of 100+ sets of eyes who were expecting me to continue to conduct a Sunday chapel! I was a wee bit mortified! But, you know what happened? The group of 8 girls who had been under my wing for a whole month continued singing.

They circled around me and let me step back behind them and they taught the camp the song, with their fearless leader soaking in a puddly mess of teardrops behind them. It was like a passing of the baton. I'll never forget it. Many of those girls, who are now in their 40's are still in touch, and I love that. I heard from 3 of them just last week.

The drive to the market thank GOD is only 2 songs long or I would've visited my whole life in one reflective stint! It was just enough to boost my sense of who I am and what continues to stir my sense of gratitude. Once there, I parked in my secret parking spot, I got out of the van, hot tea in hand, camera slung over my shoulder as well as my big market bag. The sky was lightening up but full of a salmon glow. I found my way along the sidewalk heading towards the stalls, when I realized that the uplifting feeling I have for this corner of the world stems from a sense of belonging.......like being folded into a duvet just out of the dryer on a cold day.

And off I went.........with laughing legs, happy feet and a hopeful heart. The morning shone from within.

ps. thank you Lisa for being a good sport. I really am a sane woman. just a bit eccentric.

HERE is the link to Alison Krauss singing Down To the River to Pray. I dare you not to sing along!

the magic market basket

I found a basket on my front porch.
It's empty.
It needs filling.
Though it looks like a non-descript market basket, one that you may see a neighbour carrying fresh produce in during her foray last summer to the local farmer's market, it was actually created by a woman who weaves to feed her family.

She weaves day and night.
Her young daughters weave alongside her.
Together, they receive pennies for their efforts.
Still, their efforts allow them to continue running their own business,
to continue reaching for a better life.

I want to fill this basket with nourishment.
Abundantly
A bountiful collection from my community
To the woman who weaves and to her community.

A listening ear
A few bandages for the little hurts
A fiddler to play music that weeps and reels
Fingertip touch to heal the scars
Smiles, miles and miles and miles of them.

Candles for the dark nights
Stars for wishing upon
Fleece for warmth
Bread and wine to share
Hands to help, to rock, to reach out

Unconditional love to help mend the big hurts
And a bouquet of summer field flowers for hope.
This basket is magical..........it will expand to include all that it needs to carry.
Care to put something else in it?

Saturday morning market routine

By far my favourite time during the week is early Saturday morning. I LOVE waking up knowing that a whole weekend is ahead of me, and knowing that the local Boyce Farmer's Market has been up and running for a couple of hours already. And I love getting there relatively early, before the onslaught of people. Today was no different. I pulled on my comfie clothes, grabbed my red fleecy poncho, slipped on my topsiders, grabbed my camera and cash and headed out the door without waking a soul in the house. I was there before 8 am..... in time to enjoy it all without the crowds.

Familiar faces who had taken the winter off were there with full energy as they prepared deliciously missed market goodies to eat right there or take home to the sleeping family. The political guys were there sitting at their chosen tables inside the market chatting away on the latest games and gaffaws of the legislature and of city hall and welcoming anyone to join them for coffee. I stopped for hellos and a quick catch up on the rumour mill updates, but carried on my way to pick up a few items...................feta cheese, fresh biscuits, a dozen eggs and some of Joey's Thai spring rolls and sweet potato slices.

Throughout my ramblings, I wondered if this place was about to be affected by the changes in the air, and hoped the changes would be to enhance rather than to eliminate.

This morning, the local paper ran a story about the potential sale of the Market. Turns out, the place has been appraised for WAY less than the published asking price. There's a big difference between 1.5 million dollars and 800 thousand! Rumours that the market was a money losing venture were false.........it breaks even. Wish I had the money................ the Board of Directors who have managed the market for years are throwing out pseudo-calming statements like how they won't sell it to some developer.....that it will always be the market. They can't guarantee that. No one can, unless it's clearly and legally written down as so.

Are discussions happening behind closed doors???....... it's too hot an issue for these talks NOT to be taking place.

Last fall, I jumped on an opportunity to spend a full morning working with a friend at a produce stall selling for a local farmer. Set up began at 5 am, well ahead of dawn's early light. This was when all of the vendors arrived, quietly pulling up their trailers and trucks laden with the last of the season's offerings. It was wonderful to see the comraderie of this community sipping coffee, chatting all the while laying out their goods for sale. It was very late in the season, and you could feel the tiredness of long days that had overlapped with one another from the first spring clearing. There was a sense of completion, along with the "thought full" forward looking of a long winter where no money would be coming into the coffers.

The whole experience, albeit a skin soaked one since the heavens opened up and it poured unrelenting rain down on us all morning, gave me a chance to see this community's market from a much different angle. It left me with sore muscles from hauling pumpkins and potatos, a ton of respect, and a stronger desire to support the hardworking people who are there every weekend, rain or snow or shine. It fed this inkling in me of wanting to be a part of this community whose lives were so different than my day to day life, who had a strong livelihood connection to a place I frequented as an escape. This was their reality. The market is a necessity.

I also thought about how many hours the artisans, flower growers, bakers, and cooks spend preparing for the handful of operating hours. Their dedication as well as their reliance on the market must be recognized as THE priority when the people behind closed doors are making their decisions. Families and individuals rely on this wonderful interactive place as an integral part of their lifework. I hope that the politicians and board members remember the faces of the human beings, the key players of this marvellous place frequented by many, many people every weekend, and take the time to know the stories and struggles behind what it takes to fill their tables and stalls.

I wish I had the money. I wish I could buy the place..................

It's up for sale?

Close to the centre of my little city of Fredericton is a special place that opens it's wares every Saturday morning all year long.......Boyce Farmer's Market. Like many towns and cities, it is where people congregate to buy locally grown or locally created products. Farmers from up and down the valley rely on the Market to sell their goods to the crowds who make a point of starting their weekend at this downtown location since 1951 when the land was donated by Walter Boyce for this very purpose. Market vending has been going on in this city since the early 1800's in different locales all within walking distance of the present location. It has always been a key component of the best that Fredericton and the Saint John River Valley have to offer.

Boyce Farmer's Market is also the place where vendors test the waters with new products which include organically grown produce to fancy cupcakes to hemp clothing to jewelry and in fact this particular market is a perfect place to find out if your business plan is viable. Several small business have begun at a small stall over a stretch of Saturday mornings. Local authors, artisans, cheesemakers, knitters, and even jugglers are enthusiastic players that add richness to the fabric which continues to ensure that the farmers are the heart and soul, the raison d'etre of this community.

It is the historical touchstone of this community. It is the crossroads chosen by the residents that pulls together people from all corners of the area..............urban, rural, acadmic, blue collar, political, business.......farmers, artists, musicians, tourists, babies, families, entrepreneurs, students, kids, politicians. Arguably, it is THE year round tourist attraction in the city. The Boyce Market represents the merging of the Saint John River Valley in a way that nothing else does.

But, guess what? It's up for SALE!

It's no wonder that people around here are both worried and angry that there is a possibility of ruining such a remarkable historical establishment. Yesterday, York Development, owners and landlord of the Boyce Market, announced that they are planning to put the place up for sale. They are not interested anymore in managing the property as they have set their sites on the ever expanding possibilities in the nursing home "industry" now that the provincial government is opening up the $$ coffers to build more of them.

The City of Fredericton, presently in the throes of a municipal election has turned down the offer of being the first to bid on it. Not interested they have said.........they are into too many other projects right now to even consider it. So, it's going to be up for grabs for anyone with the cash. This piece of downtown property has the potential to be a KA-CHING goldmine for some real estate developer. For $1.5 million bucks, the humble buildings could easily be torn down in favour of a condo development with a blink of a greedy eye.

Granted the place sits idle most of the week, except for the odd event in the evening. It's used as a parking lot for civil servants from Monday to Friday which must bring in some money. From my vantage point I can't imagine the place brings in a truckload of money. So, why would anyone in their right mind fork out that much money when it would really only be considered a good deed? It has to be viable, but I believe it can be if dedicated people rallied to help develop a business plan to use the premises when it is not being utilized on Saturday mornings.

This is one issue which the people of this Valley can't sit back and allow someone else to take it on. Markets represent community........ ideally, they are an example of grassroots cooperative interactions. It's the basis for the very basics of economics. Everyone needs to take ownership, to speak out that this is an untouchable commodity........ priceless in value, necessary for our downtown core to retain any sense of vibrancy. Our elected officials, who are all up for re-election are being extremely myopic if they think that the only role for them would be to buy the place. Their role is to invite many key players to a planning meeting to LEAD this change in order to ensure our Market remains exactly where Walter Boyce wanted it...........in the very heart of our town.

Our Market needs to be tied into the BIG picture planning already in play. We need to look at HOW we can retain it's integrity while moving forward with viable ideas that would support it's vibrant vitality. This can't be left to a handful of people behind closed doors. This has to be an integrated community driven initiative that represents exactly what our Market represents......a pulling together of all the grassroot people from all facets of this community.

Game ON! I'm more than ready to get involved. I'm FULL of ideas! How about YOU?

Autumn at the Market.

Apple season is upon us........it always accompanies chillier mornings with the presence of fog over the river and dense dew on the lawns. Last Saturday, I took some pictures at my local market. It's my favourite time of year.........bountiful, colourful harvest time where abundance is all around. It's the perfect time to be buying locally, supporting your neighbours who have spent many back breaking hours working the soil, nurturing their produce.

It always amazes me just how colourful and alive this time of year is......like a burst of vibrant life before the onset of hibernation. Fall Mums grace many front porches in my neighbourhood.....one last breath of fresh flowers before the frost appears on the pumpkins.

Gourds? Eccentric, odd............misfits........what are they all about? Their shapes in variations of orange and green and white intrigue me. I guess I can relate to them on some weird level. Always a conversation piece.........which makes them good for somethin'

Peppers...........in multi hues of red and purple and yellow and green........uniquely shaped crisp and tasty peppers. I look at them and want to run home to make a huge batch of chutney.....or a stir fry...........or maybe just bite into one like an apple. Beautiful they are.

Fancy cauliflower........do you think because it's dressed in purple instead of the regular white that it will be received by the fussy kiddies more readily? Nah.........

Yes, it's harvest time at the market...and I'm taking it all in.........