embers from advent.........

It feels likes it been quite a long time since I purposefully closed the curtains on the outside world and opened the  inside windows to have a look. Ahhhhhhhh!  It seems like the only time I manage to do so is when I'm spent.... saturated with stories, pressures, overwired with connections.  

I yearn for it.  

I think about it. 

Even try to plan for it, 

but my own life churning keeps it at bay....... keeps the curtains open. 

Intentionally I avoid it until I'm at the emotional razor's edge when the sense of claustrophic lack of oxygen hovers.  

Fear.  Fear of the unknown.

Fear of it being too emotionally naked.

Vulnerable.

I know better.   I need it more often.  Yes, this morbidly open mouthed extrovert needs more quiet time than ever before.  Not just when I'm stretched out relaxing in the bathtub.  I've learned the medicinal elixirs stirring in silent mediation. It lessens the weight. It opens the pores to light.  Beautiful light.

Tonight, as I sit cuddled up in a chair which is pulled up to the fireplace,

clusters of candlelight flicker dance 

above and below,

sending blended scents of ordinary aromas.....

lingering memories I breathe in with no effort.

vanilla, lemongrass, 

clementine blossoms, iced pine,

crisp linen, seashore heather,

cranberry sweetness.

I watch the fire flicker into embers.

Draw nearer

Draw nearer

In the glowing.

Sweet whistles of captured summer rains

sizzle like birdsong

Flames waffle with the sound reminiscent of flapping sheets on the clothesline

air fillap

air fillap

air fillap

spark crackle embers tango with maple yule

send searing heat rays

kissing my barefeet cold from winter floorboards.

compressing my cheeks like the warmth from my grandmothers hands.

I close my eyes......

music filters all around me

choirs of soprano faith hit high echo notes

gently bouncing off cupolas of old cathedrals

voice instruments that soothe ancient shadows

madrigal hymns that massage tired souls

encircling my space like angel goodness

to help persuade dark thoughts to take flight.

for sorrow to latch onto white waves

capping constant rolling currents that flow past.....

thoughts float in through the open windows

and settle into my awareness

gaps, once clogged in chatter welcome the thoughts

old questions, retooled doubts,

mysteries laden with burdensome timber

accompany the thoughts, transforming them into feelings.

harsh feelings of hurt and broken promises.

I ask why.

I ask why..... again......

Why?

My stomach begins to churn again.

Restless phantoms threaten to dissolve stillness into sorrow.

I breathe in scented reassurance.... 

I breathe out relief 

I breathe in sensory enhancing trembles.

I breathe out relief mixed with grins.

Grief work

Letting realities settle.

Choirsong gently softens the edges 

turning sorrows and hurt into ashes and embers

that fall below the flames 

Sounds like flapping sheets in the wind

sweet whistles of captured summer rain

I realize stillness can only visit if one welcomes sorrow beforehand.

gloria..........

gloria.........

draw nearer

draw nearer

hallelujah

in the glowing.....

layers of forgiveness feed the fire

hallelujah

let it go

let it go

soprano faith spills into my sanctuary

bouncing off cupolas of ancient cathedrals

echoing assurance that in life we are never alone.

'tis the season when change is the most trying

when naughty newness is frowned upon

when miracles are dismissed as lies

when judgement wags the know it all finger

when transitions leave stretch marks on swollen bellies 

ready to burst under the discomfort....

Embers slowly accumulate under the dying fire

by the melted candlewax......... 

A star begins to shine brightly on forgiveness

on peace, love, acceptance and hope

Joyful hope

as we prepare for receiving the gift of birth. 

Comfort and Joy.

Comfort and Joy.....

while the choir of ancient angels harmonize hearts and souls........

Christmas is nearly here.....

 _________________________

Dear God,

Thank you for helping me open my heart to the spirit of the season.

By........

Letting me breathe in the stark realities without falling apart

Showing  me how to breathe out empathy, peacefulness and forgiveness

Please keep reminding me that the least deserving, the ones who have cause pain, who have shown no remorse in their selfish actions are the ones in my life who need to be loved the most.

Thank you God for this season of Advent and for helping me to embrace its meaning 

so as to let go of what may never have meaning.

As the embers cool from close-up fires, I am learning to let go.

I am learning.......

winter is here

 

It began to fall in the middle of last night and it continued all day long accumulating in a soft silence.  To look at it from an indoor perspective, the snow seems so innocent.  A fluffy white blanket of beauty transforms the landscape into a picture perfect wonderland. It hypnotizes flurried brains too full from the dizziness of trying to get organized for Christmas Day, and leaves us with time to ponder.  Winter is here.

Winter is here.  Pine bows laden with new snow bend with a sense of reverence.  Christmas lights wrapped around garlands of evergreen, peak out from their new white vantage, giving off a shimmering prism of colour like the ancient stained glass in far away cathedrals.  Lawns cloaked in layers of uniquely shaped flakes whisper a pristine elegance.  Forgotten calm returns in memories of days gone by....... Stillness is what we seek. 

Off in the distance, I can hear tires spinning...... people striving to get to their destinations, stressing over the slippery roads in need of sand and salt.  I was one of them earlier in the day.  I felt that electric anxiety as my wheels spun haphazardly while trying to navigate a hill.  It left me exhausted and frustrated, afraid I would get stuck with no place to turn around.  Somehow I managed but it seemed to take the last of my energy to outmaneouver the elements.  Perhaps that was what I needed to slow down...... to let go of trying to control the unfolding of the season, to return to those memories forgotten in the rush.  I'm home now.........safe as I yawn towards hibernation.

Tonight, the wind is lifting from sound of hallowed aching, its gusts creep into the house..... chilly drafts through cracks in foundations.  It makes flannel and fleece the preferred comfort.  My thoughts are here with my family all present and accounted for......... all tucked in for the night.

Winter is here.  So is Christmas Eve.  So am I, reintroducing myself to peace.

Advent

The lists grow longer.  The energy begins to falter.  The head fills up with competing urgencies. Lost in the melee is the meaning and the magic. Peace is only a fleeting essence, an aromatic stream that wafts between the draughts of our consciousness when we grab onto a moment of stillness.  Can you remember what peace feels like?

Breathe.  Stretch those fleeting moments into focus by shedding the lists, the conflictual emotions of this time of year, which tangle mindfulness.  Let them linger long enough to lift you up above the mountain of tasks until you can touch upon the meaning of the season.  Better yet, let peace surround you in a cocoon of wonder while you prepare the way.  If its all around, you will absorb it into your pores like a much needed salve.

These are my thoughts this Sunday morning as I sit in my quiet livingroom.  It was dark when I first woke up and made myself a cup of tea.  Dark and peacefully silent. However, my initial thoughts upon waking were stirred and blurry.  I have much to do and feel swamped by my list of "to dos."

While I waited for the kettle to boil, my barefeet growing cold from the kitchen floor, I decided to take my tea into the livingroom, curl up on the couch under a blanket and simply sit in the peace.  I wanted to breathe evenly again.  It was then I remembered the meaning behind the word breath.  Spirit.  As I inhaled new air, I pictured it full of spirit.  Peace found me again.  So did my smile.

It feels like an impossible juggling act and I'm scrambling to stay on top of the heap unable to go into "autopilot" and just DO IT all!  I realized there is a boxing match happening inside me.  Its like the responsible parent and adult is duking it out with the child.  I want to chuck the lists and go off and have some fun.  But I can't.  I would become a big disappointment to myself and to others.  Responsibilities and commitments are part of life too. The problem is, they can swamp you to a point where they just feel like a heavy burden...... too massive to crawl out from under.

Not that its any different this year than previous years.  December is a busy time even if Christmas didn't fall in the middle of it. Add the preparations of "the big day" to the mix and BAM, it's mind boggling overload at a point when our bodies and souls are aching to hibernate.  I'm sure you can relate.  Balance is completely absent!  Its overwhelming. 

But, you know I think that's part of the bigger picture.  If we don't feel off kilter........if we don't feel uncomfortable and possibly stretched to our breaking point of what we can accomplish in our busy days, than I wonder if we really are pushing into changing our way of doing?  Instead of jumping into the conceived urgencies, perhaps a time away from it to breathe will fuel the energy and clear the head.  Its one way to recognize what really matters.

So I chose to breathe........ and drink tea.  In the dark.  In the quiet.  Away from my panicky lists.  I wanted to capture that peace essence wafting by and I found it in the spirit of my breathing. 

Prayer-fullness, mind-fullness....... peace. 

As we cultivate our awareness of what is on the horizon, may we find the courage to open up our sensitivities to see, hear, feel, taste and touch upon its tenderness. It is a brave and difficult thing to do.  But, if we want to experience the holiness of having our hearts and minds touched we need to breathe in the holiness of being alive.  Alive with the Spirit of  magic and wonder.

Being awake stirs deeply rooted doubts along with our foundational beliefs.  Advent allows us the opportunity to take it one step at a time.  Like the yawning stretch of a new day, when the skies grow lighter with gradual symmetry, so too does our awareness.  So too does our desire to find that child's smile, that child's sense of anticipation and excitement tucked deep inside the many layers of adult sensibilities.

The day is now upon me.  The river continues to flow........its shoreline growing thicker with ice.  The skies have a beautiful tinge of pink to them. The winds which whistled and wailed for two days have died down.  The trees are taking a rest...... their branches stoic and straight are barely moving.  A flock of black birds wingfloated upriver to a place where they spend their daylight.  The rooftops of the homes across the river from where I sit are dappled in new light.  The sun's rays are bathing the red barn which sits off to the side of the snow white field, making it glow.  It glows in new day light and reminds me of a place far far away where a miracle took place. A baby was born.  A pretty darn special One.

Preparing the way just took on a deeper meaning. 

hang a shiny star upon the highest bough.......

Noon.......the day before Christmas Eve.

A man dressed in a smart tailored suit and smart italian leather shoes, looked at his watch as he rushed out of the boardroom from a morning meeting. He hadn't bought any presents for his family yet. Too busy with matters of grave importance pertaining to the firm, he had given himself the lunch hour to do his shopping. He had to be back to the office for yet another meeting at 1pm sharp. Disturbed that he was pulled away from his work to shop, he wore his annoyance all over his tired face....a face that once exuded zestful energy and not one wrinkle. Now it held furrows and frowns. Burden weighed him down.

Christmas this year seemed more of an irritation than a celebration to him. He could do without it. Too many important things to attend to. He was going to have a couple of days off and the very thought of slowing down seemed foreign, like a missing memory. It comforted him to know that despite the "downtime," he would be able to stay wired and connected through his blackberry and his laptop. As he considered the amount of work he had ahead of him, he stepped out onto the busy street bustling with other harried business people and shoppers rushing past looking as haggard as he felt.

The air was crisply fresh, unlike the staleness of the boardroom and he took some good breaths to fill his tired lungs. The snow began to fall lightly which made the pavement slick. He carefully walked towards the parking lot, talking on his cellphone as he passed the people on the streets like they weren't human, passed the young homeless kid busking for money. He reached his car, got in got in quickly and headed to the shopping mall, only to realize that salt stains had penetrated his prized shoes and the back cuff of his suit. He cursed the air and rammed the car into drive.


It took ages to find a parking spot. With the sounds of cheesy jazz sprinkled Christmas songs pouring out of the car radio, he felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare. Not only did he detest shopping, he abhored the sweatiness of the crowds. While he waited for the woman to get into her car and pull out of the parking spot, he texted two clients and checked his emails, then pulled into the space. Before he got out of car, he pulled the list his daughter had passed to him this morning on his way out the door. She had told him that she made a list of items her Mom would like and a few she would like too. He unfolded the paper and sat staring at the 4 words scribbled down.....

"The Spirit of Christmas....."

"hmmmmm"...........he thought........"it must be the name of perfume."

"Do you still have any spirit of Christmas left?" asked the very busy businessman to the woman behind the perfume counter.

"Why......yes I do I think, though I'm running out very quickly. I've been on my feet behind this counter for hours listening to the same bloody carols over and over again while spritzing enough perfume to gag an elephant......but, yes i think I still have some spirit of Christmas," she stated, a little flustered about her long winded answer.

Puzzled, the man obliviously carried on......."can i see some please......."

"See what exactly?" asked the clerk, wondering if this serious looking man wanted her to sing O Holy night to get him the mood or something.

"This Spirit of Christmas....my wife and daughter want it for Christmas" he answer with a note of impatience in his voice.

"I don't have a perfume with that name but let me see if I can find one that has the aroma of the season. Maybe that's what they were referring to........ here is one........" She sprayed it onto a piece of paper and let him smell it.

Wasting no more time on this pedantic process, he gruffly stated,"Gimme two. "

As she wrapped up the purchase feeling his disdain and impatience, the clerk suggested that perhaps his wife and daughter were referring to something entirely different. He took the parcel, turned and walked away without even acknowledging her, but thinking about what she said. Maybe they did mean something else. "What a pain in the ass this is! I feel like I'm on some scavenger hunt for God's sake," he mumbled to himself as he headed to the book store.

Without wasting time, he marched up to the very busy bookstore Manager who was surrounded by a handfull of patrons quietly waiting their turn for his attention. The very busy entitled businessman butt through the crowd and interupted the Manager......."Can you show me where the spirit of Christmas is? I'm in a hurry."

Having dealt with this scrooge type before, the Manager pointed at the second aisle and said....."you'll find all things spirit related on the second shelf near the back of the store. Good luck to you."

The business man pushed his way through the crowd again and barged down the second aisle until he was standing in front of a stack of books all with the word " spirit " in the title. He grabbed one entitled "Everything you need to know about the Spirit of Christmas but were too afraid to ask......." and another "Let the Spirit Move You. Finding the Right Positioning for Maximum Enlightment." He stepped in front of the waiting patrons, paid with his Visa and marched out the door. In no time,his mind already back in the boardroom, he was back in his car, headset on, peeling out of the parking lot.

When he reached the office, he took the parcels to his secretary and asked her to wrap them for him....... She looked at the perfume and book titles and asked him why he chose those particular items.

"Sandy and Anna told me they wanted the spirit of Christmas this year. So, I went to the perfume counter and the clerk who was a nutcase and told me that this perfume smelled like the spirit of Christmas. Then she suggested maybe that's not what they meant. So, I thought maybe they wanted books on the spirit of Christmas, so I picked up these two. They seemed to fit the bill, " he answered. Will you wrap them for me? I have to get to the meeting and I don't have time."

"Of course I will," said the very lovely and insightful secretary. "I'd love to. Go off to your meeting and don't worry about it."

She had known this business man for a long time and had worked with him for many years. They were a good team, though she had been worried about how much he had changed.......how his love of life had somehow slipped out of his repetoire. It had happened in rapid succession after the death of his grandmother, the one person he always relied on and then the subsequent disappearance of his son whom he had pushed out the door after a longstanding row between the two of them over his son's career and personal choices. It seemed like a one two punch he never fully recovered from. Instead he immersed himself in the firm's business and repressed the desolation rather than dealt with it. It seemed like an emotional domino effect, and she wondered if he had purposefully isolated himself, or put up a protective shield so as not get caught feeling hurt by the people he loved again.

She decided it was time to intervene a little.......time to help him let go of the shield. So, as her boss entered the boardroom for yet another meeting, she pulled on her coat and headed out of the office........books and perfume in hand........in search of the spirit of Christmas. She headed down the snow slick city street, and stopped to throw some coins in the busker's hat which was laying on the ground and then looked up into the man's eyes and saw a twinkling familiarity.

"Josh?"

to be continued.....

The Delicious Dish.

THE most hilarious Christmas skit ever....a classic from Saturday Night Live. For some reason it has been pulled from Youtube and the NBC venue only has a snip of the whole segment. However, I found it on another blog.......follow this link......and then click on "delicious dish."

I dare you. NO! I double dare you not to laugh. Alec Baldwin is the prince of deadpan comedy.

regrets, I've had a few....dreams one or two....

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream, and an unforgettable love. Diego Marchi.

Tonight, my family and I joined a few others to decorate the local community kitchen. The few boxes of decorations, stored for 50 weeks of the year in my basement, are hauled into the dining room area after the dinner has been served and the place has been cleaned up for the day. In the quiet of the early evening, we begin by pulling out the worn out treasures......the motley looking tree, the garlands and wall hangings, the bows and ornaments.....and assess the array we have to work with. This year, a few colleagues from work donated some new decorations to add a bit of zip to the festive look.

The soup kitchen no question is a cluttered, undersized muddled mish mash of donations. The arborite is worn to the bone.....the chairs, recycled vintages from various boardrooms and offices have most definately seen better days. It's relatively clean (definately the kitchen area is) though the lingering odour, especially at this time of year is a compelling blend of unwashed winter wear, cooking grease and lingering life spices hits you as soon as you walk in the place.

It's an aroma I'm used to..... not so for my children. It is a rank of stark reality to them and it wraps them in wonder of a relatively unknown different world. Even though they have been in the place several times, I can see their discomfort and determination to help make it a little more welcoming and festive for the people who frequent it. I also know that they look forward to offering their efforts every year. It's a good thing.

As we begin to puff up last years bows and turn the little Christmas tree into something more presentable (it reminds me of the tree in Charlie Brown's Christmas.....just needs a little love), I too look around at the empty chairs and the long lines of tables. In no time I begin to hear the stories, the regrets, the dreams, the loves.......I begin to feel the loss, the sadness, the grief, the frustrations. I also see the mingling apparitions where fellowship is felt in the gathering of souls....the volunteers, the workers, and of course the human beings who come for the food. They come for the food, but they also come for the touch of another.

They come for sustenance...body and soul. We need both. For survival.

I found the above quote this morning and it stayed with me all day as I contemplated my own secrets, regrets, dreams and loves. Tonight, as I looked down at the wellworn tables and the overused empty chairs where folks had just sat an hour before to eat their daily meal, I was reminded that every single person on this planet, no matter where they dine or dwell, carry with them similar packages.....unspeakable, irreversible, unreachable, unforgettable.....


our life scars......our war wounds......our imperfections

some just scratch the surface

some puncture deep into the crevasse of our spirits

some we share

and some we take to our graves.

don we now our gay apparel....

I awoke this morning with the desire to hear some glorious Christmas carols. I've been waiting for that internal "on" switch to be kick started because up until now, the whole festive season was taking a detour around my soul. Granted, for the past 12 days the only thing I've wanted to do was put my head under a towel and my face over a hot bowl of water and steam my sinuses, and then crawl back on the couch and go back to sleep. That hasn't helped the mood or the ambience. I've been one miserable snotty wench in need of a shot of adrenaline.

But this morning as I stood in the front doorway waiting for the puppy to behave and return to the housefold (she's now doing her best to drive Lily crazy with her unrelenting desire to hump her head), I realized that the fresh air was finally making its way to my head. Morning had broken and so had my cold. And I swear to God, I heard angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold........or was it incessant barking from the little dustmops our neighbours refer to as dogs? No, I distinctly heard the angels.....over and above the high pitched rodent yappiness.

It wasn't even a midnight clear........I distinctly heard them touch their harps.

Oh, I have made a few attempts to capture the miracle of the season. The mantle is decorated nicely with ivy, candles and little lights....my wreath looks pretty hanging above it with a new big shiny gold bow bursting out of the greenery. I spent a couple of hours wrapping the back deck with garlands and new outdoor lights I had just purchased only to enjoy it for two hours before half string died out. I have yet to find the energy to unwrap and return the friggers....or maybe I was afraid I'd blow a gasket at the customer service counter over the shoddy merchandise and be thrown in jail, charged with uttering expletive threats. I can see the headlines now....

Phlegmy Filly Flips out.....and Cries Festive Foul!

Family and Friends Faint in Fright.

It's a good thing that my head is finally clearing......the constant dull throb is almost gone. Almost....as I take a break to blow some of my brains out once more..... When I look around this place I realize how cluttered and shoddy it looks.......ooooops and I look too! No wonder I felt ugly all week. I AM! I've let everything around me and myself fall into an abyss of neglect. No wonder no one wanted to hang with me. Who would? I have sounded and looked like an old hag whose life has been one big burden who God had left behind as a miserable mistake.

What a mess! Sure, I've been going about buying gifties, picking up stocking stuffers, and you know what? I don't have a freakin' clue what I've purchased or WHERE I've even hidden them! Good thing I've always enjoyed a good treasure hunt. Unfortunately I have no clues to lead me. They were thrown out with the garbage full of tissues. Gotta make a list and stick to it. Gotta NOT freak out over the length of the list too. That will be a challenge. But, hey!! I'm up for it!! Just need the right music......Just need to stop and let the fresh air fill my head and lungs.....let the sunlight pour its energy into my pores..... and soon the chestnuts on the open fire will be a delightful activity once again. Bring on Bowie and Bing! This little drummer girl is ready to ratta-tat tat!



Yes, but my spirits are rising......I'm not perseverating on myself. NO! The fire in my soul isn't a fever....it's enthusiasm. I have this urge to make a more clear headed attempt at writing my annual Christmas letter, which up until now was coming out like a dirge rather than a sparkly piece of prose. I have this desire to pull out the old recipes and then pass them onto my daughter to do something with. I WANT to see the gawdy well loved ornament wreath adorning the living room again, and the angels, and holly and jingle bells...... all of a sudden I'm looking forward to the sweat inducing struggle to put up the tree STRAIGHT, to decorate with all of those ornaments my husband and I have been collecting since our wedding day 21 years ago. Each adorned with special meaning.


Please God, let the lights work!





Wow! Could it be the angels we have heard on high, singing sweetly o'er the plains............or simply the accumulated drugs in my system echoing its joyous strains? No! It's the angels dammit! They are singing again. Just in time for a week of Christmas luncheons with friends and colleagues.....and JUST in TIME for this family to get their act together for a our annual open house shindig next Saturday.......just in time to send out cards, get the parcels on a bus to Ontario......just in time to gather with friends to celebrate winter solstice out in beautiful Keswick Ridge......just in time to enjoy the miracle of the birth of the Prince of Peace. Thank God!

Gee, all of a sudden the thought of wearing my party dress is appealing! Bring on the little black dress, I'm up for the dance.

So, where to start? Well, after I make the traditional Sunday breakfast......bacon and pancakes, which I am already doing as I write this....such a multi-tasker am i, am i........ and then go deal with the pen marks recently scribbled on the sofa cushion by an errant puppy (I thought she was on top of Lily's head, not chewing a PEN on the sofa!!).......I will start at my toes and work up. I can always think better when my toenails are painted red. I can sing better too.

I love Sundays. I love this time of year. Let it shine merry and bright. Let us don our gay apparel....and have some fun.




hmmmm, where are those antlers?? I hope the kiddies are game still.... :) The parents always are....

reindeer games

Growing up together, these shiny happy terrific kids.

I love them all.

The name of the game is Boutros Boutros Ghali, named after the Egyptian United Nations leader a while back. It's not that he invented the game.........I think it became named this because his is so cool. All you need is a pile of little pieces of paper, some pens and a bowl. Two teams are formed. Everyone writes down names of famous or not so famous (obscure) people on the scraps of paper and then throws them in the bowl. Each team takes turns, with one volunteer from their team describing the person picked out of the bowl, without using the name..........as fast as possible. The goal is to describe as many people as you can in a minute.

Boutros Ghali is a fast paced fun game we play often when groups of us get together. Over the years, the kids have joined us, or have played their own version in another room. Last night, after the big Christmas feast shared by three families, the kids challenged the parents to a Boutros duel........the first time we were pitted against one another. And, they whipped our asses. Given that we are a competitive bunch, this came as a shocker. It was like they were in the zone together, often only having to offer one or two words to describe the person and they would guess right!

They laughed until they fell over. We laughed at them laughing until they fell over.

After this mornings sober second thought.......perhaps it was payback time..........I mean I did make them all don antlers and reindeer noses at the dinner table.

It was a great day. One of my favourite moments? Right in the middle of dinner, before we got too silly, each person was given a photo of another person sitting at the dinner table and they were asked to say something about the person in the photo. Memories of times together were shared.......feelings about another person's gifts were expressed........a few laughs were provided.....a chance to acknowledge another was embraced.

Who needs a turkey dinner when the food is fellowship? Having stated that, I have to say the turkey AND the music were really excellent even though it won't be what is remembered down the road. It will be the laughs, the beautiful spoken grace as we held hands. It will be the games and the time together.............that's what will last in our memories. Well, except perhaps for my son. He'll remember eating a lot of bacon. Yes, bacon was served for breakfast!

Today, a chance to hunker down to watch movies and read. (Grace Eventually was tucked in my stocking.....:) ) Boxing Day may be known as a shopping day for many. For me, it means staying in my jammies on the couch under a blanket.

The boys acting out a new version of a Christmas Carol. Turns out Scrooge (in red) was gay. It "totally" cracked these two up.... :)

sweetly singing.....

Angels we have heard on high,

Singing sweetly through the night,

And the mountains in reply

Echoing their brave delight.

Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Gloria in excelsis Deo.



Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why these songs of happy cheer?
What great brightness did you see?
What glad tiding did you hear?

Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Gloria in excelsis Deo.



Come to Bethlehem and see
Him whose birth the angels sing;
Come, adore on bended knee
Christ, the Lord, the new-born King.

Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Gloria in excelsis Deo.



See him in a manger laid
Whom the angels praise above;
Mary, Joseph, lend your aid,
While we raise our hearts in love.

Gloria in excelsis Deo.
Gloria in excelsis Deo.


Merry Christmas.
May you day be rich with the gifts of the season.

visions of sugarplums......

A collage of the shiny faces in my life. Singing carols, making crafts, hanging out, playing reindeer games, sharing friendships, having some laughs....................joy at Christmas time. These are a few of my favourite photos of the season.......... Today, Christmas Eve will most likely FEEL like the longest day of the year for these beautiful kids as they anticipate Christmas morning.

They are ALL growing UP!! These are my favourite girls in my life........and they have grown up together like sisters.

Loved the Christmas concert at the school this year. The boys are dressed in their white shirts and black pants because they are in the boy choir.......I took a bunch of photos prior to the concert from the doorway of the classroom. My son, whom I embarrass on a regular basis it seems, was moaning about looking like a member of the geek squad dressed like they were. I reassured them that they all have the potential to be members if they don't watch out!

These outdoor photos were taken during the tree lighting
ceremony outside of the provincial legislature. The Garden Creek boys choir were part of the entertainment. Sweet young voices singing silent night........

It was best that I continued taking photos to keep my composure ........

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, from my world to yours.

Winter Solstice

The semi annual solstice celebration took place under balmy night skies last night. Potluck feasts inside, roasting apples and sausages over the big fire. Wine and song, Christmas carols inside...............wine and laughs by the fire. At some point all the kids ended up inside, while the adults stood around the campfire talking.........about the year, about the season, about the plans for future get togethers........about kids, dogs, songs and stories. The dogs...........all Labs of some mixture romped in the snow all around us, sometimes venturing close to check out the cooked sausages. I learned that apple tree wood burns the hottest. Didn't know that, did you?

Old apple tree lit up in the yard................... two different exposures as I messed around with my camera. Doesn't the one below look like the outline of an angel or is it just my wishful imagination?

Friends and good times.........memories in the making while we all take a breather to enjoy the beginning of winter. Oh, and guess what? The days are getting longer again. wooooo whooooo!

thanks Jen and Tom....... Oh, and Jen? My New Year's resolution is to hang out with you at the Auction centre on Thursday evenings. I want a two dollar couch and chair set too!

M is for Memory Keeping Momma

It always amazes me how a whole group of people can take part in the same event and yet walk away with a diverse assortment of memories. It makes me ponder over just how reliable our memories are, especially after time has it's way with them.

When you think of all the filters one human being has that affects how a single moment is viewed, felt and remembered it's a wonder we ever find a common ground during those "remember when" conversations. How we are feeling emotionally and physically, what we are thinking at the time, when it takes place, where we are, who we are with......all of these variables act as a prism refracting the interpretation of the moment. Then tack on the external events happening at the same time......you know those connectors that sometimes help us place the memory in a certain time and setting? Add to that, the level of importance of the event............then stir in how much wine you've had.......

Christmas memories, impressionistic in their artistry are unique to the individual. Though we may share some of them..........the bigger brush strokes perhaps.......the fine details blend in colour and contrast, in shape and size and importance, are based on how we choose to remember them. It's like we have our own scrapbook filled with momento photos which flicker in our own light.



As an experiment to see if my theory holds any eggnog, the spiked kind........... I asked my family this morning what their memories are of last year's Christmas.



"What are your most vivid memories from last year," asks Mom.



My 14 year old daughter's reply?



"I remember waking up at 4 in the morning and having to watch some extreme sport show on TV because I was so sick of watching that movie, The Christmas Story........oh, and doing my nails to pass the time. Oh, yeah, and I remember running a bake sale at the school to raise money for the soup kitchen........"



My 10 year old son's reply?



" I couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve and there was lots of bacon."



How utterly profound............ note to me............ make sure we're stocked up on the bacon. Hmmmmm, perhaps I need to go out today and buy two pairs of hot pink bunny pyjamas with feet. They would most definately remember that wouldn't they?? :)



My husband's response?



"I remember how much fun the open house was, and seeing friends we hadn't seen in a long time, and Christmas dinner. I remember it being a wonderful dinner just sitting around the dining room table with our friends. Then relaxing afterwards watching Waking Ned Devine with our friends and watching my family fall asleep all around us."





And ME?



I remember walking into my living room in the middle of our open house we had on the 23rd of December to find everyone singing Christmas carols........an impromptu moment which could never be replicated. Oh, then there was the solstice celebration at our friend's house. I remember spending an inordinate amount of time in the kitchen and enjoying the pace and busyness of entertaining. I remember looking around and seeing people engaged in good cheer conversations................I remember the wrapping and opening of presents on Christmas morning, the big breakfast the four of us shared.......yes, I do recall the pound of bacon I cooked....

I do remember basting the turkey, pulling together the Christmas dinner while my good friend Anne plied me with chilled white wine. But, for the life of me? The whole dinner conversation and subsequent movie? Yeah, I'm sure it happened, but by then I was toast.



yes, we all do have different memories don't we? It's a good thing mothers were invented to ensure that the memories are expanded upon and added to for future reference. Photos help too......so do blogs!



Perhaps this year, starting today...................I will point out key potential Christmas memories to my kids who seem to have amazing brains when it comes to reciting every Simpsons episode, right down all of Krusty's infamous lines. Better yet.........wait til they see what I have planned as a kickstart to Christmas dinner this year. Photos will be taken to preserve the moments.

Anne? Bring on the wine.

Hark the Herald Angels sing............

This week's Sunday Scribbling's prompt was "holiday memories." For more versions of those memories, click here.

capturing light.

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright.

I'm sitting in my livingroom in front of the fireplace. I can't imagine living in a home without a fireplace. Not one of those fancy natural gas ones.........it has to be a real fireplace full of hot embers and mesmerizing flames which dance differently every time you put another log on. The crackles and smokey scents are as inviting as my Dad's cologne. Every now and then a small wind gust blows down the chimney to feed the flames......a whoosh fanning sound tells me so. When I was a teenager living at home, every now and then in the middle of winter, I would cozy up to the fireplace at night with a pillow and a blanket and fall asleep in glowing comfort.



Beside the fireplace stands a tall majestic tree that touches the ceiling. I don't know how I managed it, but I think I found THE perfect tree this year. Sorry folks, I got it. For some reason the colour of the ornaments are predominatly red and white........a Canadian tree it is, it is. Even the parcels under the tree managed to be wrapped in red and green and white. It wasn't a planned thing..........kind of spooky like I channeled Martha Stewart and didn't know it. What's really bizarre is that the parcels sent by bus from my sisters and parents are wrapped in matching paper!! It's a gene thing I think.



There really is no theme to it except that it represents 20 years of my husband and I creating our own family. Several of the ornaments were given to us at a party our friends had just before our wedding day which happened to fall between Christmas and New Year's. The tree skirt was made by hand by a friend named Grace whom I havent seen in a long time. At the top of the tree are two shiny old fashioned ornaments with my name painted on one and Jamie's name painted on the other. (Bonnie are you reading this? You gave them to me. :) Through the years, we have accumulated other homemade treasures......embroidered ones from my Grandmother, handpainted scallop shells Martha and I made when she was little, others made by little hands when they were at daycare......angels and snowmen.........candy canes and snowflakes, garlands of wooden beads, shiny stained glass, reflecting light, capturing light, and a few bells to ring when an angel gets her wings.



All are meaningful to us. All packaged in a remember when........



My favourite ornament is the oldest. I purchased it in the turkish bazaar in Istanbul before I was married. They are tiny knitted mittens on a string that cost me all of 50 cents. But they hold such wonderful memories. funny eh? It's never anything really expensive and flashy that touches us. It's the little ordinary looking trinket that holds the key to our heart treasure box.



The lights are on. tiny multi-coloured lights. They too are mesmerizing, but won't really glimmer like they can until Christmas Eve. That's when a tree looks the most magical......when it really feels like Christmas.



For some reason it seemed to take me a lot longer to get my act together with the decorating etc. Part of the reason is that I have purposefully continued to focus on my writing, which most definately etches into my time. But, other variables seem to be wreaking havoc with my usually good organizational abilities. Time seems to have a mind of it's own these days. Jamie and I were talking about it this morning as I drove him to work..........both of us are dumbfounded really that we find ourselves on the precipice of our 20th wedding anniversary in two weeks. How in the heck did this happen? Sure there are periods when you wish the clock would move faster because it feels like it has stopped completely (Christmas Eve day is an example of this according to my son). But, most days it's over before we even acknowledge that it has begun.

Silent Night

Holy Night

All is calm

All is bright.

We live in such a fast paced world. We multi-task, juggle, think ahead of ourselves. We plan and plod and prepare and push ahead. We rush, rage, run, and sometimes wipe out because we're going too fast. And before you know it...................all you see is a blur of colour all smearing across a painted sky............the lights begin to blend in like one of those timed photos. We need to jump off the bus regularly to catch ourselves from free falling. We need to gaze backwards on the day that has happened...........to recognize the blessings and encounters (the rest really doesn't matter does it?).........to reflect on a day which will never be captured again.



We need to learn to sit quietly and enjoy our own inner voice nestled in the spirit.



I look into the fire and watch the flames dance for me. I listen to the whooshing fan noise, the tiny crackles and feel the warmth of it's energy on my face. I look at my beautiful tree which sings nostalgia and hums a familiar song of belonging. I hear my dog snoring lightly right behind me..... I hear my husband quietly reading a story to our son down the hall. I think of my daughter wearing a new dress which makes her spin around whenever she tried it on to show us. She's at her first Christmas formal at the high school, and I hope it's living up to her excited expectations.



I also reflect on my time spent with my friend who joined me for lunch today......a wonderful treat where we didn't look at the clock. We just leisurely sipped on a glass of wine and let the conversation flow, comfortably sitting in this living room with the fire blazing. It's been entertaining me on and off all day. And because we didn't feel the pressure of all the preparations and forthcoming busy family time and all that, we found ourselves talking about God and wondered out loud if He was one of us.



Trying to make his way home.....................



It's been a good day.

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace.